Do you think we'll be ok??

kizzykizzywizzy

I have to say I did say to him jokingly great we're out of debt, we don't have to stay together anymore!!:rotfl:

kizzykizzywizzy

Sarah, just noticed your sig, wheres the thread about want to be debt free but have an OH club?? because I want to stay debt free but have OH!

SarahNeedle1872

There isn’t a thread… someone made a comment ( sorry, I can’t remember who ) about wanting to be DF but the OH had other ideas, and I said my oH was exactly the same….. so I became #2. You’re more than welcome to become # 3 and put it in your sig tho!

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for explaining, I thought there might be a thread somewhere with more people struggling to get their partners to see the light.
Mind you, I think it is a wide problem amongst people on here, can be either partner, but I have seen quite a few threads on this matter.
Anyway I'm going to have an early night thanks for all your support everyone:T I knew if I posted on here I'd get good advice & feel better than I did earlier, when I was shaking, because he'd taken yet more money out!!

Keeping_Motivated

Hi I totally understand where you are coming from but I can also completely feel how much his home coming means to you so I would 'try' to take a step back and enjoy it firstly. Then I would start with all the positive as in how thrilled/relaxed etc etc you feel now you are debt free and ask his him what it means to him to see if you can reinforce what being debt free has brought you both.

Just thought it might help to concentrate on the enjoying each other and family time then the positives and hope the 'chat' then comes more naturally.

Good luck
KM x

Saab

Keeping_Motivated wrote: »

Hi I totally understand where you are coming from but I can also completely feel how much his home coming means to you so I would 'try' to take a step back and enjoy it firstly. Then I would start with all the positive as in how thrilled/relaxed etc etc you feel now you are debt free and ask his him what it means to him to see if you can reinforce what being debt free has brought you both.

Just thought it might help to concentrate on the enjoying each other and family time then the positives and hope the 'chat' then comes more naturally.

Good luck
KM x

Hi kizzy

This is good advice, from KM

Concentrate on the positives first, and when you have to talk about the negatives stick to 'we need to...whatever, and we can work this through if we...do this or that'

Using 'I' and 'you' can make it seem like only one of you is bad, and the other is not.(which may be the case, but will only get his back up in my experience).:o

y OH goes away tomorrow for the week, not long, but he does it often, and on his return the first day is just about good stuff, then anything that needs tackling comes afterwards.:)

Buffythedebtslayer

hi,

Is there any way you can give him a budget to spend on what he likes? its realy hard when you are the one managing the money not to make it look like you are having a go even when you aren't.

How about letting him manage the money for a month?? is that possible and then he can see what goes where and why he needs to keep an eye on the wallet?

good luck, I think the we statement thing is a good idea too

xx

kizzykizzywizzy

Thanks for all of this extra advice, I did try to get to sleep, but gave up & came back on here!
I will definately not mention any of this straight away he's only home for the weekend & then away again for 5 days & back the next weekend & so on if he's not on duty, so a bit more normality & will ease us back into a routine. The first weekend we are celebrating my Daughters birthday ( it's on Monday, but he's not here ), so I will leave it until Sunday, so as not to ruin things. He finishes for good mid July:j :beer: :T .( he wants to do it again, so we can move, I originally wanted this too, but now I'd rather stay put & be happy )
Thanks for the tip about using the word "we" & Saab, when he was away for just a short while couple of weeks he'd come back sit on the sofa & expect to be waited on, bit my lip Friday & Saturday, then Sunday GRRRRR I'd explode:eek: :mad: made up before he went:p , then felt awful because we'd argued! I honestly don't know how Naval & other forces wives & families do this for years
Buffy, I'm afraid the money management for the month is a no go, he started looking after the money when we had our Daughter, as I was quite an unnatural mother & found it really hard, he never said there were any problems, I didn't ask either, so me too:o , never told me to cut back & as I was used to earning more didn't realise what a lot of poop we were getting into. He has no excuse for poop I tell him what's going on.
This is the 5th night in a row I can't sleep, I do feel better now though, just my mind racing.
I thought I'd got rid of the sleepless nights with the debt - not so:rolleyes:

kizzykizzywizzy

Hi there, I spoke to Hubby briefly this morning, as I had another bad nights sleep, I didn't eat last night either, so although the intention was to wait until Sunday, I think being me, I wouldn't be able to not say anything:o
So anyway a bloke picked up the mobile, not my husband & said is that you Skinner? I said no I it's Karen, I must have the wrong number, rang again the same bloke answered, & said sorry it is Andy's phone he's driving - they were in port & going into town, my Hubby rang me back, I asked who Skinner was & she's the girl from the office on the ship, great! now I've got affairs going through my head!!! Why would she be calling him etc.....I think I'm going mad, it's just that he's been so snappy to me lately, well anyway this time he was ok & I told him I'd sent an email re money & to read it. He asked what it was saying so told him & he was really ok about it, & is going to ring me later, he couldn't really talk as he had his boss with him. Most of the time there is no phone signal - in a Scottish Loch, which is when the frustration really kicks in.
P.S. I was very good I used the "we" word & the work together thing, so quite happy that he understands, when I told him how much we'd have he said, that's alright then & didn't seem worried, I did remind him he'd spent £84 on himself in the last few days, & he won't be able to do that & he said well I'll be at home then won't I.
Think we'll be ok:D

Little_Miss_Magic

kizzykizzywizzy wrote: »

So anyway a bloke picked up the mobile, not my husband & said is that you Skinner? I said no I it's Karen, I must have the wrong number, rang again the same bloke answered, & said sorry it is Andy's phone he's driving - they were in port & going into town, my Hubby rang me back, I asked who Skinner was & she's the girl from the office on the ship, great! now I've got affairs going through my head!!! Why would she be calling him etc.....
Think we'll be ok

Right Mrs!! Get that out of your head straight away!

I'm sure *skinner* must need to contact these guys on a daily basis for a million and one things.

I'm sure you and your hubby will be fine. As tough as it is on you with him working away, it must be equally tough on him too! (Men dont like to admit this often, but us women know these things...;))

Keep you chin up hun...

All will be fine!