Want to get to the bottom of this

iwanttobreakfree

Ok some of you may remember me, some of you may not. My new leaf didn't last very long and I'm up to my old tricks again.

What I want to find out is why? I cant understand why I cant focus on getting them paid off - maybe its that the goal seems so so far away that I feel its not achievable.

Can anybody help? I'm slowly digging myself further and further in and I just wish I could stop. I know there are many things in my life that I'm unhappy with and that is what makes me spend. I am trying to create a better life someway. I hate hate hate my day job but I know I have to keep doing it to pay the bills which depresses me even more. I do love teaching my classes so much and I wish this could be my full time job but the income level is just so unpredictable with being freelance.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for here. I think probably a pep talk?

I mean I used to be so organised with my finances but they are all over the show at the moment and I cant seem to get organised no matter how I try - sorry am just totally fed up today

poppyg_2

You say you're unhappy and that's making you spend, have you spoken to a doctor about it? Maybe you're depressed/stressed and need some professional help

I know what you mean I do think a lot of people who spend (myself included) often do it to try and cheer themselves up but sadly that feeling doesn't last long and then the guilt and unhappiness sets in and you end up feeling worse. What have you been spending money on?

What's your current job and is there anything else you're interested in that could be an alternative, even if maybe less pay or anything, just something that may help you earn a living but not leave you so unhappy. The classes you teach, is there an opportunity to get employed doing this or is it something that is more of the sort of thing people do in spare time?

Chin up, everyone falls out of the bandwagon sometimes, doesn't make you a failure or anything, you're only human x

iwanttobreakfree

I buy anything really what I think is going to make some miraculous change to my life. The computer we had is on the blink so I've ordered a laptop for myself from my catalogue. What am I thinking? I feel like I should cancel it, then I justify it, then I say no cancel it, I cant make my damn mind up.

My current job is as a secretary (very well paid) but I really hate it. The office atmosphere is just depressing and I've had the whole week off sick because I just cant face it.

I could expand my classes however it takes time to build them up and I need money to get by unfortunately so cant leave my crappy job.

onedayiwill

First - I echo what poppyg says:

"Chin up, everyone falls out of the bandwagon sometimes, doesn't make you a failure or anything, you're only human x"

Next, you said your goal seems too far away to keep you motivated. Can you break it down into smaller, more achievable goals? I can give some examples of the ones I used, if it helps.

Secondly - the spending because you're unhappy I fully sympathise with. I have depression (on medication, and thankfully doing very well right now) and used to spend to make me feel better. Of course with each spend the pleasure was only temporary and then the guilt took over ... sending me to an even deeper place.

I'd suggest you go and have a chat with your GP about your work situation and how you are/are not coping. If necessary he can sign you off a little bit to give you some "breathing space" to work out what to do next, and if you have depression there are things that can help (not necessarily medication, but they are an option).

iwanttobreakfree

I should cancel the laptop shouldnt I?

I prob know the answer to this but need to be yelled at or something.

poppyg_2

Can you apply for some secretarial/PA jobs elsewhere? I think being happy at work is really important because we spend so much time working so if you can get out of where you're working now you might notice a big difference. www.reed.co.uk is quite a good job site for admin jobs, sign up to that and update your CV, it might improve your confidence and give you some motivation

Please please cancel the order for the laptop from the catalogue or if it's too late ask for it to be sent back and throw the catalogue away (or even better recycle it!). Catalogues are evil, you'll be paying back the money for ages, if you need a PC and can't get yours fixed try your local free paper and see if anyone is selling a cheap one or even freecycle, sure there are other options.

onedayiwill

YES! CANCEL! YES! CANCEL! YES! CANCEL!

I hate yelling.

What is wrong with your current computer? If you *really* need to replace it, go for the cheapest option you can find. Once you are out of debt you can save up for a really lovely one and it won't take all that long.

iwanttobreakfree

Not sure what the prob is with it but this morning it wiped one of my files whilst I was trying to save the changes (it didn't only lose the changes it deleted the whole file without any permission given!) and it also did these with some logos I bought from a guy for my business. I put the cd rom in and it suddenly decided there are no files on this cd and wiped it completely!

However this cd rom had worked on parents computer fine. Luckily the guy sent me them back via email.

I am looking for a new job I wanted something more local to home however the salaries aren't as good (im currently travelling about 20 miles there and 20 miles back for work). I cant figure out how much money I would save if I went for a lesser salary but closer to home.

andan

It does sound like you are unhappy in your job and perhaps a change in your job would make you less inclined to spend. Alternatively you could use it to motivate yourself, for example once i've paid off so much money then i can afford to get a job that pays less.

I would definitely recommend setting small targets, such as paying so much back a month or paying one debt off a month. Also making sure you create a budget that allows you some opportunites to spend a little so that you don't always feel like your doing without, otherwise you maybe inclined to spend.

Why not join some of the challenges on here, such as make £10 a day in June, then you could use this money to pay off your debt. There's lot of motivated people on the challenges so they would help motivate you too.

Best of luck with it all and i hope you feel better within yourself soon.

Arlen

To try and keep yourself on track you could try what I do.

I don't owe much (5k) and want to have that all paid off ASAP as it is owed to my parents. However I want to buy a new motorbike (around 2k) but I will not give in and buy that on credit, I have a picture of the bike set as my wallpaper on my work PC and my home PC (I know your home PC is dead/dying but would work equally as well in a frame) this keeps me motivated, knowing that once the debt is gone I will have something to aim my free cash at.

In essence have a "treat" planned for when the debt is gone and leave yourself reminders about it.

About your PC I suggest you do as others have said, cancel the laptop and buy an el cheapo desktop PC. How much would you use the laptop? A friend has one and it never leaves his desk!

poppyg_2

iwanttobreakfree wrote: »

I should cancel the laptop shouldnt I?

I prob know the answer to this but need to be yelled at or something.

YES CANCEL IT RIGHT NOW!!!!