Just need some support and encouragement...

saver6

Sorry, it's a little long but I'm on the verge of tears and I find anonymous sharing helps!

I'm just feeling really low today because it's suddenly occurred to me how deeply in debt me and hubby are. We know the situation and how bad it is, but I feel as low as I have ever done over it all and feel that the struggle to get back into a position where we can comfortably move house and have kids is just so far into the future, I'll be too old to have kids by then at all!

I know why we've somehow managed to get into such bad debt so quickly - it all started 2 years ago. At that time all we had was our mortgage and our 2 car loans which was easily manageable (about 12000 between us and we were comfortable with that), and we both earn decent money. Then my brother announced he was getting married, but he lives in Australia. I was desperate to go but didn't have that sort of cash and didn't have time to save as it was booked for only a few months away, so we applied for our very first credit card and used that. Then when we got back we decided that we needed to do up our bedroom at home and spent a little more (about £1000 including furniture). And then it suddenly spiralled.

It doesn't help that I'm quite careful with my own money but OH is a splurger, always somehow managing to convince me that it's a good idea to get the camping equipment because then we can have lots of cheap holidays here rather than going away (eg.), he decided to start fishing as a hobby but has to have the best of everything. Then there were 3 foreign stag do's (one as best man, one as the groom, so couldn't exactly say no) and 2 boys weekends away which he didn't really want to go on but felt pressured into because all the lads insisted, despite him saying to them he couldn't really afford it. The list went on, and then it completely went to pot because we booked our wedding. We had a LOT of generous help from family, but still had to spend a fair amount of our own money (about £5000). Hubby bought me a very expensive wedding gift which had I known I would not have allowed him to buy me, but I can't exactly give it back...

Now, 3 months after our wonderful wedding, the fact is I have just worked out that we are £29000 in debt between us, including all loans and cards.

We have a plan in place and MSE is helping towards that end of course. All our CCs are 0%, I have reduced all our monthly bills to as low as they can physically go (apart from Sky which I plan to do this week). Hubby has a very nice car that he's going to sell (cross fingers about £5000). He has a small runaround that he can use instead which is already paid for (he got it virtually free). I am currently looking at downgrading my car to diesel and hopefully get change too, as my petrol is a HUGE expense every month (close to £250 at the moment!), I'm currently clearing out the loft to sell anything that I can, but I still feel it is not enough. Hubby still thinks we are able to move this year, but if we do, our mortgage will definitely increase and I simply cannot afford to put any more into it. As it stands, I have £80 spare to spend on entertainment, clothes, going out etc per month. Which I don't tend to do much nowadays anyway. The rest goes into the house and debt payments at their very minimum levels.

I know there are people worse off than us - the fact is we ARE paying things off and have never defaulted on anything - I even checked experian last week and my record is spotless - so it's not like we have people banging on the door or even getting close to that stage.

We are desperate to move and have kids, and it just seems an impossible dream. I know that it's never a "good" time to have kids, but it's a dead certainty that if we had them now, we would be homeless within a year as we could not survive on one wage AND pay off all these debts at the current rate (which is the minimum rate). And I see that being the case for at least the next 5 years.

I just need some encouragement that it IS possible to haul ourselves out of our problems and to get my motivation going... it is lucky that me and hubby have never fought about money, we are able to talk quite rationally about it all, but I feel that time may be coming to an end as hubby still seems to need fancier and fancier fishing equipment, and is too soft to say no to his mates invites for a night out or a weekend away.

What I do know now is though - credit cards are the devil's debt, I wish I had known that 2 years ago!!!

Sorry for the long post, I need the cathartic experience only writing my worries down seems to bring...

Miia

Hello and a big hug to you.

I am really not in the position to offer advice as I am a splurger like your husband. But after my first post yesterday I feel a bit better for writing it all down and have started putting my plan together.

It can be done.

xx

saver6

I do feel a little better, although I did just realise that I forgot to include the overdrafts - about another £3000!

kacie

Hi and welcome are you able to post a statment of affairs (all your incomings and outgoings), so we can see where you may be able to cut back that you haven't noticed yet?, also take a look at the cccs website to see if the can help you

Paige

Hi Saver6

First of all I want to say well done in realising that you have to reorganise your financial situation. You have already taken good steps to minimise your spending by sorting out debts, reducing outgoings and sorting out stuff to sell.
I think you need to produce some spread sheets in order to show your husband that there is no way you can move until these debts are gone. If you complete an SOA you can get advice on your spending from the fab folk on here and show your hubby the figures at the same time. This may help him in understanding your situation.
I am in the same position as you as I have never defaulted on any payments but realised about a year ago that I need to get our spending under control. I have used the moneysaving old style board to reduce my grocery bill and swapped utility providers ect - using the advice on here. I have reduced our debt from about £30 k (including a loan) to about £14k. It has been hard and some months have not been good with unexpected bills coming up but at least I am making headway.
With regard to hubbys - some of them are ostriches !! I dont know what to suggest.!

Good Luck, you CAN do it:T
Paige X

clearmydebts

Hi,

Just wanted to try and offer you some support and encoragement. I am new too and I am disgusted at the amount myself and OH have racked up over the last 6 years. I remember applying for a credit card about 8 years ago (when I didn't even need one!) and my friends saying 'Don't do it'.

Hopefully your partner will be able to sell his car and that will be a good chunk of it off. I gave started to do online surveys with a view to them paying for everyone's presents at Xmas. This is helping me to keep motivated.

If you put your signature up and see it decreasing each month itmay also help you to stay motivated.

saver6

I've looked on the CCCS site, and know enough from this site that I am doing everything I can to reduce payments where I can, but any help is appreciated!

Everything is monthly
Income (me) 1750
Income (OH) 1800 Also gets bonus most months of about £200, but I don't like to count it as it's not a guarantee.

Outgoings
Mortgage 822
Building & Contents Ins 25
Council Tax 120
Electricity/Gas 50 (have now fixed and we are currently £250 in credit from DD overpayments)
Water 25
Telephone & Internet 20-25 (inc. calls)
Mobile phone x2 120
TV licence 12
Sky 47 (about to cut this to the basic package)
Food 200 (this is my budget but somehow i seem to always go over, despite not getting takeaways anymore. Also includes home made lunches)
Clothing 0, unless I happen to have a bit spare to treat myself - I never spend on clothing unless I can afford to or am in desperate need
Petrol 400-500 (I have a 50 mile round trip every day)
Car Insurance 125 (hubby has slightly dodgy record so higher insurance)
Pets 30 inc. insurance and food
Life & CIC !!!. 40
Boiler cover 18 (I know this is high but we're locked in until November - was a panic buy when it blew up last year)
Garage fees 40 (I would love to get rid of it but we have no room at the house for a lot of stuff)
Entertainment Changeable depending on if it's an ok month.
Sundries OH and his hobbies!!!!!! I reckon he spends about £200 on them, and only ever tells me after! I spend a few quid a week on things like magazines, but generally re-read my old books to try and save.

Debts
Mortgage 127000 over 21.5 more years (fixed until this October)
Car loans x 2 14,000 (soon to be reduced to hopefully no more than about 6000)
Natwest credit card 4500 at 0% - 100/month
Barclaycard 3500 at 0% - 100/month
Halifax One 1800 at about 12% - intend to balance transfer - 100/month
Capital One 5500 at LOTS% but have just applied for Virgin card at 0% as per Martin's tip and waiting for balance transfer to go through - 200/month
Overdraft 3000 between 3 accounts

See, I'm doing pretty much all I can to reduce it down, and if I haven't already then I plan to within the imminent future. I just need that motivation. And I think looking at it now that I'm gonna go and get myself a bar job or Saturday job. Sure, my time is precious, and OH reckons I'll always be too tired and not for much return in cash, but as far as I'm concerned, it's worth it at this point...

saver6

bump for advice - gosh these posts disappear off the front quickly!

basketcase

saver6 wrote: »

bump for advice - gosh these posts disappear off the front quickly!

They certainly do!

Can I just ask, is your OH on board or not? And is there any chance that he could get a second job? (Not being mean or nosey - just wondering. If he got a bar job, he could be paid to socialise!!):whistle:

saver6

Hubby does want to do what we can but he's always of the "oh, something will come along" school of thought, whereas I'm more of a "yes, but what if it doesn't". We are complete opposites....

I would encourage him to get a 2nd job but he works ridiculously long hours at a manual job as it is. He did mention it though but I doubt he'd cope and he's not a great sleeper as it is.

Whereas I wouldn't mind as like you say, it's the socialising and meeting new people thing as well. Hubby just thinks I'll get really grumpy if I work full time and then go out working evenings too. It's not like it'd be forever...

onedayiwill

You're doing good Saver ... just try to keep the morale up. It is hard I know.

On thing I'd comment on is:

"Garage fees 40 (I would love to get rid of it but we have no room at the house for a lot of stuff)"

No room at the house ... what is the stuff being stored? If it is being stored do you really need it/love it? Can you sell it? If you sell it (or some of the stuff in your house to make room for the stored stuff) this can be paid off your debt, AND you get the £40 a month back.

Just a thought...