Living abroad tips and hints for money savers

clearmydebts

Wow Asea,

That's a bit mad. How do you feel about that?

droopsnout

Wow! Mind you, at least they'll speak English there!!

Whatever happens, good luck, asea!

asea

Thanks!

I'm ok about it, my other half is feeling very depressed though, I hate seeing him like this & don't know how to make it better, other than telling him it will all be ok.

He's in London today, I hope seeing his friends might cheer him up a bit.

droopsnout

Oh dear!! Our concerns swap to the other half, then.

Well, I somehow think he'll feel quite at home in Amsterdam. And it IS very close to home, isn't it? A ferry ride, or a quick flight. And, I guess, rather closer to British culture than in Milan.

So I presume that OH would prefer to stay in Milan? Will he miss the culture? The warmth? His colleagues?

How can you reassure him about what he'll miss? Well, no shortage of culture in Amsterdam. Can't offer much consolation for the lower temperatures, though. And, of course, he'll soon make new friends amongst the new colleagues.

But where does all this leave you?

asea

I don't think it's that he is upset because he wants to stay in Milan - it's the massive upheaval that we've had coming here (pretty much this entire year has been taken up by preparing for the move, arranging the move & recovering & trying to settle after the move). We're only really just settling (still haven't unpacked our books!), meeting people and starting our new life here. He's finding it traumatic to think that it was all 'for nothing' and that we won't even settle. It's the first time he's ever felt this low & it's very sudden.

I've always had itchy feet & have moved around quite alot so the prospect of moving to Holland doesn't fill me with dread, but he has always had a very stable life, he's lived in the same place for years & years and it's been very difficult, if exciting for him. I think he's worried because he's 'dragged' me over here, although I keep reminding him that it was a joint decision & I hardly came kicking & screaming. He's worrying too much about me & finding the uncertainty very difficult to cope with. This all came as a complete shock to us both. I'm just coping with it better.

As for me, my main worry is him! I am sure that I will find some worthwhile work in Amsterdam (maybe in a charity if they don't mind that I don't speak Dutch). I really do love it there, have been a few times & every single time I went I loved it more. He hasn't been but am sure that he will love it. I think my main worry though is him as I do love him so & just want him to be happy. (Seeing him so miserable has made me forget all of my own worries, I think!)

droopsnout

Asea, you sound the perfect partner. If he doesn't pull through with you at his side, he certainly wouldn't with the vast majority of us, who I suspect may not have the benefit of your obvious qualities.

If I were your partner (and in psychological make-up, I'm probably not all that different, from what you say), then I know I'd be looking to you to comfort me and also to guide me. I know a little of how he feels, having brought my wife out here, rather out of her comfort zone. He feels responsible and a little guilty, as you say.

You also know already how to deal with that. Go with your instinct and continue to reassure him. Make him sure of himself as you make the new arrangements to move house. Emphasise the fact that you've done it once, and next time you'll be even better prepared.

As you're the one who knows your new destination better, more of the initiative may fall on you this next time. He might actually appreciate that, especially if you rise to the occasion, as you seem to be doing.

I think he is a very, very lucky man.

asea

Aww.. shucks, I'm blushing now! Oh I have PLENTY of bad points too, believe me!

I think the point is with emigrating as a couple is that it will either make or break you as it's just the two of you, alone & in a strange place. We're both determined to be there for each other as much as possible.

I will definitely take the initiative in Amsterdam if we do go I used to live on a boat & he absolutely loved that. We could find another boat to live on which I know will be enjoyable for both of us (& the cats once they get their sea legs!) and I think the people are alot more approachable there too.

I'm very angry at the company though. Their HR people really don't know what they are doing & I hold them responsible for him feeling down as they are messing him around quite alot & it's not really on Grr....

droopsnout

Yes, I'd rather agree with all you suggest there.

We all have our bad points, and we don't advertise them on public message boards! Your good points (or some of them, anyway) are obvious to all reading this exchange. And I'd be very surprised if they don't outweigh the bad ones.

In the present financial climate, I doubt that many of us would argue with the people "upstairs", so I guess your anger is best left unexpressed for the moment.

I presume the company will fund your removals?

What fun there will be finding a boat!! Now that's really exciting!

asea

The company will fund the actual removal but we will be several thousand Euros out of pocket due to several factors. I can't go into too much detail but I doubt they will refund us for alot of the expenses that we have incurred in coming here that were outside the contract. For example, in Italy if you rent a property you have to decorate it either at the beginning or end of the tenancy. So we had to paint the apartment that we rented when we moved in which cost around 2000 Euros. That is just one cost, there are MANY others.

You are right about not expressing my anger. Luckily my fiancee is a million times calmer than I am!

Living on a boat again is my dream. We agreed that if we do eventually move back to London we will probably sell the flat & buy an old Dutch barge & do it up ourselves, it's been my dream since I was little. My other half has caught the boat bug from me!

Incidentally, I found another sort of expat website. www.internations.org which I like very much. It's invitation only, so if you would like an invitation, please let me know!

Oh and I made the joyous discovery that you can watch the channel four news on the internet . It's the small things in life that make you happy - it made my day!

droopsnout

Thank you!

Just had a glance at the website's homepage. Looks a bit professional for a silly old twit like me, but, yes, I'd love to have a look around there.

For those who like to watch UK television abroad (on your computer, or wired through to your TV set from your computer), there's a new site offering some possibilities, but it costs. Their opening offer is for 99€ per year. I don't suggest anyone does that. You may like to try emailing them for a monthly subscription alternative, because I think what they're doing is decidedly dodgy, and I can see them having to end their service very quickly. It started on 30 October, and can be found here. There's a free 24-hour trial.

Good luck with everything, and I hope that the move neither costs you too much, nor has any adverse effect on your fianc!'s health.

Edit: Damn! That e-acute hasn't been fixed!