ex withholding contact

zztopgirl

I got joint custody of my dd with my ex, but i changed it to my ex having full custody and contact agreed between us, to prevent him from taking me to court again (after several years of court, im pretty sure he wasnt going to stop there, and he wasnt considering dd's feelings at all). I have a court order to say that contact must be arranged between us.

He has messed around with the contact since then, can be very difficult and i only recently saw my dd after 2 months of ex being extremely difficult.

Ex rang me tonight and apart from being unable to type what i feel right now, i know i am going to have to either go to court again, or get a mediator if i want to see my dd again at all.

I dont want to go down the court route at all, i can claim legal aid, but i just want to sort this without resorting to lawyers/cafcass/etc and dragging my dd through unwanted hassle. But if i appoint a mediator, its going to be very expensive when im only on disability benefits. Is there any other low cost and low hassle option out there? Believe me, i feel sick right now. He has no compassion whatsoever, i dont think he has any feelings, if he was still able to beat me up, he would, but withholding contact is obviously just as good as beating me black and blue.

Paparika

I really don't know what to suggest but i wanted to give you a hug

hobo28

hmm, the fact he now has full residence really weakens your hand.

I fear it will be inevitable that you will need to get legal advice and fight through the system. How old is your daughter?

If contact time is not defined then it may be a good idea to get an order explicitly stating from when to when.

bikerqueen

erm... your daughter has been left in sole custody of a violent man who is stopping you from seeing her and checking that she is ok?

It is your duty to go to court and check she's ok!

Zara33

bikerqueen wrote: »

erm... your daughter has been left in sole custody of a violent man who is stopping you from seeing her and checking that she is ok?

It is your duty to go to court and check she's ok!

Not defending the chap in question at all but the op has never stated that her ex was violent towards the child, i would assume a lot of this would have come up in the court cases.

Debt_Free_Chick

zztopgirl wrote: »

But if i appoint a mediator, its going to be very expensive when im only on disability benefits. Is there any other low cost and low hassle option out there?

You get help with mediation fees if you're on a low income/benefits. If you qualify for Legal Aid, you'll almost certainly qualify for payments towards the mediator.

Have a look at the Family Mediation Helpline. It sounds as though they're there for exactly your situation.

zztopgirl

Thanks everyone, i definately didnt want to go back to a lawyer and go to court again, and the last posters advice is really helpful. As we already have a court order to say contact must be arranged, a mediator would be the best option. Im going to phone up straightaway and get started.

Bikerqueen, he was violent to me only, but as i have since discovered, many victims of dv lose custody (or in my case, give up custody to prevent years and years of court visits) i was told i was a liar, i obviously sounded like a vindictive ex-wife who was making up excuses to blacken his name. He isnt violent to dd, its just that i cant stand to have much to do with him but enough is enough now.

Vomityspice

What does your Order actually say?

Normally, a Contact Order requires the parent with custody to make the child available for the period specified in the Order.

If your ex is refusing to do this then by all means try to mediate (to try and discover why) but you also have the option to ask the Court to act on your Ex's contempt of court (i.e. It's a court order and he is ignoring it).

The process isn't going to be a quick fix but the Courts have a range of powers with which to encourage your Ex to comply. Ultimately, the court CAN inprision your ex for ignoring the Order, and alternatively have even transfered residence when disputes become intractable (See V v V [2004] 2 FLR. 851)