Helping out family

Biggles

Mrs_pbradley936 wrote: »

Edit to add: I know I said earlier that the house cost 52K but I was mistaken.

Ah. It all becomes a little clearer now. ;-)

UglyBetty

Of course you want to help your son and grandchild now, but consider the longer term. Firstly, this is not a good time to buy so being in rented wouldn't be the end of the world, in fact people many homeowners would envy that position now. Secondly, MoanyMoaney and others highlight the fact that you may well be embarking on a high risk strategy, they are not married and paying the ex off and undertaking a 'deed of trust' will not guaruntee that "my son cannot be thrown out if they split up in future and it turns out that we have bought a house for a stranger!!". That could happen anyway. A deed of trust is just that, a statement of trust. If you wanted to enforce it you would have to make application to court and go through due process (incurring further legal costs).

Far better to wait until the matter of the house is resolved between the two parties.

You could pay off your own mortgage if you still have one.

Of course you could give a deposit, but consider that anything given will probably not be repayed.

Good luck

[Deleted User]

moanymoany wrote: »

You've done your stint at bringing up a family, it is for your son and his partner to do their stint.

I empathise with the OP and recognise the silken threads that tie us to our children but adults need to make their own choices and not be forever tied to mum and dad.

There are times when I worry about our children but then I pull myself up and remember that they are between 31 and 37 and have had far far more advantages and chances than we ever had. Any savings that we have ( and I am sure the OP too) have been hard-earned and note the word EARNED. So hang onto your savings OP and let them make their own way in the world, they will learn (and be better for it) and you will have a more comfy old age

bryanb

As I said in an earlier post, you can grant a mortgage to family and have it registered at the Land Registry. My wife has done this in the past very successfully. You just need a switched on solicitor.

spring_watch_girl

I lent my son some of my savings 9 years ago, which he still has not repaid, also smaller amounts since. Last week he asked for more to buy a car which I refused and he became very abusive and has not spoken to me since. I would strongly advise against lending money to family members.

margaretclare

spring_watch_girl wrote: »

I lent my son some of my savings 9 years ago, which he still has not repaid, also smaller amounts since. Last week he asked for more to buy a car which I refused and he became very abusive and has not spoken to me since. I would strongly advise against lending money to family members.

I completely agree.

Lending to family or friends is fraught with difficulties if the borrower chooses/is unwilling or unable to repay. Often a 'debt' to mum, dad, granny, grandad, aunt or uncle is put way down the list because they don't have a debt recovery department as the banks and credit card providers have. You may feel emotionally obliged to lend what's asked for e.g. the OP has a grandchild involved. There may or may not be the same feeling of obligation on the other side even if the lender later finds he/she needs the money.

In the case of spring watch girl above, experience has taught her that money lent is never repaid, so she is understandably loth to chuck good money after bad. By contrast, experience has taught the son that mum is willing to lend him money and doesn't kick up too much fuss when it's not repaid, hence he feels safe in asking for a larger amount e.g. the price of a car. The emotional blackmail comes in because he's now refusing to speak to mum. If he was refused a bank loan, for instance, 'becoming abusive and not speaking' would not form part of the transaction.

[Deleted User]

we don`t stop learning springwatchgirl and sometimes we don`t like what we see. It hurts when children take something like this forgranted and shows that they don`t care about us

I once lent money to my dd for a car and she didn`t ask but I offered. At the same time I gave her my bank acc details and asked her to put in a standing order over 18 months. So far so good and the money drops in every month. That was a good experience but I have to say that if she had `forgotten` to pay me back then I was fully prepared to alter my will ie anything remaining will not have been equally shared and would have covered more than the cost of a car

Being taken forgranted: now that could be a whole new thread!!

Mrs_pbradley936

Thanks for your comments everyone I really do appreciate them. We will go ahead with it if the ex-husband will agree to his share. He is at the moment kicking up a fuss because about a year ago he got a valuation on the house for 190K but this week two different agents have been round one has said 160K and the other 165K in this market. If he does not agree with the figures he will not agree to the sale. I think he can stop paying when his son is 16 or leaves school or something but our solicitor has contacted the solicitor who handled her side of the divorce to see what arrangements were made about the house.

chesky369

I don't see how he can not agree to the sale, simply because he doesn't like the fact that the housing market has taken a downturn. As long as there have been independent valuations, he can't object.

home_alone

I gave my son and daughter each 100K to upgrade their homes, I also gave them 34K and 17 k to pay off their mortgages, the extras they are paying me back by D/D as both my wife and I dearly love our 2 kids I do not have a problem with giving them, as someone mentioned before a pre inheritance. Whatever happens in the future, marriage, partners etc will I am sure cause some headaches but looking on the bright side for now everything is great.

gary