wife has overspent, but will not talk about it

Beerworshipper

savingnow wrote: »

I think the issue is with our eldest son who is from her first marriage. He is 23 and has not workded for over a year. She buys him a season ticket (football) buys him food, clothes, splashes out at xmas for him. He has sky, a car, internet , xbox, a smart mobile phone etc etc. all for being on the dole! If he complains or says he cannot go on she feels guilty and splashes out on him.

This does not help him or us.

quote]


I think you've said it yourself really, it doesn't help him or the two of you.

At 23 he's more than capable of standing on his own two feet and being responsible for his own actions or on his case his apparent in-actions.

Its certainly a tricky one to raise with your wife. Just a thought though, If the majority of the debt she has incurred has gone on her first son it may be that she is still in shock over all this too. Afterall, it may have been a bit of money here and a bit of money there and its possible that she didn't add it all up until you found out. Therefore, you may be both going through the same feelings of shock at the same time - just a thought.

PLavoie_2

Sounds like the exact same problem I'm having. Wife goes crazy when I tried to explain that we should cut spending.

wisbech_lad

To the OP. Is your relationship secure enough that you can confiscate and cut up the cards, and have an intervention?

sammy115

Can I ask how involved your are with the household budgeting. I ask because I too have been your wife. My OH earns the money and I spend it! Or so he thinks! However, he has no idea how much we pay for anything and consequently when he tries to have a quiet word with me about how much 'I' am spending I am almost murderous!!!!!!

This is because he would worry so much about money if he knew how much things cost, it is easier for my sanity this way. It is not the same for everyone however, I am just trying to throw some light on why she is so touchy. Are there perhaps more debts that you don't know about! I ask because I too have been there.

If she won't look at the situation with you I suggest you do it on your own. Are the debts in her name? Joint names - is the mortgage up to date. Its no good you both getting into debt and consolidating one persons loan onto a joint mortgage is so not a good idea. Not until you have the reasons behind the spending.

immoral_angeluk

She needs to stop bailing your son out. He's not going to sort out his life until you cut the umbilical cord...

Paul_J

Its a little like alcoholism. First, your wife has to admit that she has a problem with her finances before she will readily accept help.

My wife was the same. After enduring years of wasteful over-indulgent spending, and constantly throwing unused food in the bin, I had to take her cards off her in the end and just give her a daily/weekly amount of money. I have never ever ever had to be so assertive with her in my life. It was so not me. And I felt ever so bad, considering she worked and earned money too. But, in short, its worked, and the gaping hole in our joint bank account has been plugged. Just trying to drag ourselves out of the o/draft now!

The best luck to you both!

savingnow_2

wisbech_lad wrote: »

To the OP. Is your relationship secure enough that you can confiscate and cut up the cards, and have an intervention?

Hmmm interesting one, yes and no

she is likely to blow a fuse, but may be the jolt she needs, unfortunately she is likely to apply for more cards.

I could go for a notice of disasociation with the credit agencies but that would be a lead balloon if she found out.

On the other hand it may be worth a try

savingnow_2

Some intersting points and I thank you all.

I am reasonably well paid and my wife works. We have a joint mortgage and have no troubles paying the bills. I do have a few credit cards at 2.9%, 3.9% and 4.9% life of balance transfers (and not paying the minimum).

I am totally involved in the budegting for the household bills except food, which is a major waste, the bin eats well when we through food away.

I need to sort out our son but she will not let go since she is scared he will go off the rails. She writes all his letters etc. and will not guide him but sorts things out for him, he will never learn. Any advice on this one would be helpful. He is on invalidity benefit but he can be fit when he wants to! do I notify the relevant people?

At this stage, I do not want to rock the boat since our other 2 children are doing their GCSE and A levels, wrong time for upset.

On a brighter note our youngest (16) has arranged a limo for the end of school prom and he has divided the cost amongst his friends (he pays nothing).