Collected SIL post and found baliffs letter

Princess_Jane

My SIL is away for three weeks with her parents.

Me and my OH collected her post and noticed strange letter with date and time of delivery hand written.

She has had A LOT of debt problems, so my OH opened it.

Perhaps he shouldn't have, but we knew what was coming..

It's a letter from Philips Bailffs re a £375 court fine.

Said they have attended and will call again.

We have just rang her on hol and she's asked us to open all her mail.

Court fines..no TV licence and unpaid council tax...

She's asked us to move her TV etc into our house but perhaps she is better leaving that so they don't take her bairn's stuff.

Advice please? This is wwaaaay outta my depth.

Princess_Jane

Well I've calmed down a bit now - but things haven't improved.

We got in touch with this sis-in-law on holiday and she told us we could open all her mail.

She has got so many debts I don't know where to start, all of them approaching county court stage.

We got her to ring up and make a payment to Philip's, but she could only afford £70, so when we checked her post today there was another letter saying they are applying to the court for an arrest warrant.

Now me and the OH are pretty worried, though it doesn't seem to be sinking in with her.

If she is arrested, and the police can't get in touch with either of us (we both work FT and the rest), I'm assuming her DD who's 13 would be taken into emergency care.

I don't know what else has to happen before she admits she has a problem with money.

We've looked at her budget for and with WTC and her part-time job, she earns just £200 less than I do over two jobs.

She pays council rent, gets CTB, Child Benefit, no loans, no credit cards, just a £50 O/D.

I don't have kids so I can't talk about how much that costs or how hard it must be as a single mam, but me and the OH just don't understand where her cash goes or why she just won't pay her bills.

We are worried sick TBH.

We've tried to help by helping her reclaim bank charges (she bought a massive new TV and blew the rest), selling stuff on ebay for her (she didn't think we got enough for what we sold, so it's put her off giving us anything else to sell), and we are running out of ideas.

Broken_hearted

There isn't anything you can do.

fatbelly

The National Debtline factsheet on council tax arrears and bailiffs is here

If they are going for committal, that should mean that the debt is back with the council so your SIL should contact them and make an offer to pay ongoing plus something to the arrears.

You can only be committed to prison if there is 'wilful refusal or culpable neglect', which of course there won't be as long as she does this.

There's help available for her but she has to ask for it.

Princess_Jane

Hey, perhaps I didn't explain clearly - Philips are calling re an unpaid court fine for driving with no insurance.

Apparently her DD bounced so her insurance cancelled her policy and she was sorting it out when she got pulled over.

Poosmate

Hi Princess,

Oh dear, your SIL is really putting you through the mill! I don't mean to sound harsh or callous but there is only so much you can do for her. You have tried to help her and indeed succeeded and for that you've been criticised and watched her irresponsibly blow the money you helped get back for her.

I guess family is family and I don't think there is anyone on these threads that would stand by and watch any of their family members genuinely struggle if they could help out but there does come a time when you maybe have to be cruel to be kind and maybe step back to make her face up to her responsibilities.

I'm sorry if this seems harsh but there are some people who believe someone will always bail them out and this gives them a sense of invincibility so the more you give the more they take and I don't mean they are in this state knowingly. I think some people are like this and don't even realise it until something like this happens and it's a real shock to them.

If I was you, I would seriously ask myself "can I pay the debt that's going to get her arrested so it doesn't come to that and if I do will she appreciate the enormity of the problem and do something about the other debts she needs to pay off?" You know your SIL and you have to be honest and true to yourself when you answer that question. If you have any doubt then maybe it really is time for you to step back and for her to face up to reality. There is absolutely no reason why you can't help her to pick up the pieces during and after her traumatic event. Like I say, sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and sometimes people have to break before they can be fixed otherwise they are just being patched up and a permanent fix is much better than a temporary repair.

I really feel for you and the terrible predicament you are in and hope you can find the right solution to your SIL's problems.

All the very best of luck

Poo

jak

I completely agree. If you always bail someone out, they come to rely on it AND worse still, expect it! I would personally poit her in the right direction and tell her what the options are- then leave her to it. When she realises that she's got to get her head out of the sand and deal with it herself or possibly lose her little girl,,, she will do the right thing and sort herself out~!
THe CAB is good in these kind of situations..tell her to go down there. BUT remember..you can lead a horse to water...

sasp

It's a bit much when you have the worry and she is on holiday, I agree with others here just give her the necessary tools to help herself then step back and leave her to sort her own situation out.

By the way what a lovely family she has. She is very lucky to have you.

SamanthaA

I`m sorry, but if shes in up to her neck, as it appears from your posts,

HOW has she got the money to go on holiday?
WHERE has she gone?

As a single parent, with a mortgage, car, CC, OD and 2 jobs, I cant really afford a holiday, but as my debts arnt in quite her state, I am camping for 10 days.

We all know that its not the holiday that costs, its the spending money & trips.

SamanthaA

Been to work & thinking about SIL.
Do her parents know about the debts?
Are they paying for her & sons holiday?

Is SIL a `poor me` and parents fall for it?
Seems like you & OH are carrying the stress, while she carries on!

Might be an idea to `remind` her of all the debts in front of parents( I am assuming that OH and SIL share parents) and that you have tried to help, but if she insists in ignoring it, you will refuse to assist any further.
Thereby publicly stating your intentions & making her responsible.
Maybe parents will pay bills rather than take them away on a 3 week holiday! Which i`m also thinking isn`t in this country!!!

Poosmate

Hi Princess,

Just checking in. Hope you've got over the shock of your SIL's lack of responsibility. I was wondering if maybe, rather than offering any financial assistance to your SIL, because it is time she faced the music, you could offer some emotional support by offering to look after your neice should your SIL be arrested and detained for any time. It's one way of still helping but without removing the problems that she just won't deal with. The driving without insurance unpaid court fine is serious and I don't think you are going to be able to make that one go away anyway.

Samantha, I can understand your annoyance, I have struggled for many years on my own and on a low income to keep a roof over my head, food on the table and fire in the hearth, keep a car (which I use for work), I haven't had a proper holiday for 6 years, I've gone without prescription medication because I didn't have the money in my purse or bank. It makes my blood boil that there are people who blatantly refuse to pay their way even though they are subsidised by the likes of you and I who work and pay our taxes, people who believe they are above the law and drive round without insurance and such like. Having said that, I don't think your aggressive questioning of the OP, Princess, will help at all. At the end of the day it's not her fault and the SIL is not here to defend herself. Princess is worried sick about this and she needs our help and support not trial and retribution.

Personally, I hope the SIL IS arrested AND detained IF she has willingly refused to pay her dues because I honestly believe it's the only thing that will bring her to her senses.

Princess, as Sasp said, give her the necessary tools and step back. SHE needs to deal with her problems.

All the very best to you.

Poo