Getting cold feet....

december

I don't exactly know why I'm posting but as this is a forum with people who have either gone bankrupt or are contemplating it, I thought this might be the best place for me to start.

My hearing is booked for next Wednesday and as it's a week to the day, I really am beginning to get cold feet, which I'm sure isn't an unusual thing. I'm really worried about my income and expenditure, about the actual process and also about how things will be from now on. I know I can't continue the way I am at the moment, both for my own peace of mind and also I have very few options left financially however I'm struggling to make the more logical part of me and the irrational part agree.

I think I have been entertaining the idea of my partner going back to work and being able to pay back what I owe, hoping that the creditors might accept a reduced settlement. In real terms due to my partner's condition and what he will be able to earn (if his health doesn;t deteriorate any further), I would be paying back my creditors the minimum that they would accept for the next five years and that is without them adding any interest and us still struggling. I guess I'm hoping that maybe by posting I might start to find some respite from it all. I think I know in my heart of hearts that for us bankruptcy is the only way to put things behind us and start afresh but why am I finding it so difficult?

Apologies for rambling but I don't feel like I can talk to my partner about this today as he's not well at all.

december

kazwookie

Well done for posting up.

I am sure others will be along soon with advise for you.

Merry_Gentry

Because we spend our whole adult lives building up our credit rating, our belongings, etc and going BR feels like we are losing all of that, failing if you will. None of us ever thought we woud be in this position - we work(ed) hard, paid our bills on time, did all the right things. But life gets in the way. Of course you are getting cold feet - it's a scary thing you're doing, but as long as you are sure it's the right thing then you can do it, and you can get through it.

Next week is the beginning of your fresh start. That may not help now, but look back on these posts in a fortnight's time and I really truly think you will feel so much better. (((HUGS)))

dalip

Because BC is a dirty word. I was brought up(no i am not a snob believe me)where you had your goods and you paid for them. End of story.You saw anybody who went bc as the lowest of the low.

20 yrs on nothing has changed. On the outside yes but on the inside no. It is demorilesing(sp),degrading,shameful ect ect.

I think i speak for the majority on this forum, when i say that if it was more widely accepted(like the media would have us believe it is) we would not be posting here.
Dont feel bad instead hold your head up and tell yourselef you are a better person for admitting and facing and doing something about your money problem.
It takes some getting used to and some like myself may never get over the shame, but my quality of life now is so much better. Just need to learn how to deal with the shame now:o .D

mrsh1968

Hi, you sound exactly how I felt three years ago and I carried on and carried on and instead of it getting better it just got worse, I am bancrupt now and it was not easy nor was it 'an easy way out' it was a very emotional process but a lot easier that I could ever of have imagined, and the relief that I feel now it is over is huge, I do not regret the decision for one moment.

firstly I went to the law centre and was given lots and lots of practical advice, they went over my options and gave me their best advice, which in my case was to go bancrupt.

Then the actual court process could not of been more different to how I imagined, the judge was really supportive and actually told me that I had been very brave and had made the right decision and that too many people kept their heads in the sand and ended up in dire situations when sometimes this is the only way to move forwards, I certainly did not expect to hear that from the judge thats for sure!

My husband had his telephone interview with the OR and that again was not the scary process we had been expecting at all, I am awaiting mine but given that are circumstances are the same I am hopefull that it will be a similar situation.

For us, well I cant say it has been a positive experience given the circumstances but it has been a way forward and will allow us to move forwards and build a better life for our family, which we could never of done in the situation that we were in, we were never ones for credit anyways, so that side of things has never bothered us too much, if we want something then we try and save for it or we dont get it!

I think though it depends on your circumstances, I did not have a house to lose and I think I would of felt very different today if that had been the case but I am still sure I would of made the same decision.

At the end of the day its your call, but I would urge you to speak to your law centre and go through all the options and then you can sit down and make your decision (sorry if you have already done that I havent read everyones threads I have just replied to yours).

I am new here and I can also honestly say that there is so much support from this forum for people who are either contemplating bancruptsy or are going through it or have done it, this forum has helped me considerably, I read without posting for many weeks before I went bancrupt and found that it helped to clear lots of issues up for me including completing the forms and expenditure ect.

Good luck in what ever you decide to do and I really hope that everything works out for you and that you come out of the other side of this x

Baybee1984

You're bound to feel that way, as the previous poster said, you often feel ashamed and wish there was another option. Sometimes there isnt. But dont feel ashamed, you're dealing with your debts. Its hard, but see it as a fresh start, time to start over. You'll be glad you did!

december

Thanks for the replies :beer: (I was looking for the smiley icon but couldn't find it.) I think you're right Dalip, maybe it is in part due to the "shame" element as you call it. I think that maybe if it had been through overspending and not just trying to live I might have dealt with it better, on the other hand maybe not.

Even so, I know that part of my problem is to do with the "stigma" of being bankrupt and more so what my nan would have thought of it. (She passed away in January.) Although she knew that I was probably going to have to go bankrupt and was initially shocked but then very supportive, just losing her meant that my own attitude to it changed, however ridiculous that may sound.

Edited to add: mrsh1968 I have been aware that this would probably be my "best" course of action since last May. I have spoken to the Teacher Support Network (being a teacher) quite a few times and they have been brilliant in terms of advice.

Thanks to all who have replied, it is much appreciated

December

dodecanese

dalip wrote: »

"Because BC is a dirty word. I was brought up(no i am not a snob believe me)where you had your goods and you paid for them. End of story.You saw anybody who went bc as the lowest of the low.

20 yrs on nothing has changed. On the outside yes but on the inside no. It is demorilesing(sp),degrading,shameful ect ect.

I think i speak for the majority on this forum, when i say that if it was more widely accepted(like the media would have us believe it is) we would not be posting here."

Spot on- when I was facing up to bankruptcy- I felt like this, the lowest of the low, dishonest, sordid, grubby.(this is only my feelings towards myself and the decisions I took, not judgeing anyone else as everyone has different reasons for bankruptcy).

I was never made to feel bad by the court staff or the OR's office though- I expected to be dealt with like I was literally something they had scraped off their shoe- but everyone I have dealt with so far has been really kind and courteous to me.
There are worse things in life you can do, and even though Ive felt like s*** for the past few months, I think declaring myself bankrupt has been the most positive thing Ive done in a while.
Im not exactly proud of myself (I overspent- no other reason)- but Ive learned my lesson the hard way and never want to do this again.

Toto

hey don't feel shame about your credit rating, I checked mine the other day and it's 36/1000 and I never went bankrupt, in fact I'm now debt free. Actually I had a giggle when I saw it, it can't get much worse than that now can it?

You have obviously thought long and hard about your decision and it is a big one. Most of us have doubts no matter what life changes we are entering into. What I can tell you from my time here, is that next week won't be half as bad as you expect. And you will come away with an overwhelming sense of relief that you can now start a new chapter in your lives. Good luck and keep us all posted.

So_Sad_Angel

Hi December,

Well done for posting Honey ...its not easy to admit that we are in this position & BR is never , ever easy!! The process itself may be straight forward in some cases but the emotional side is so extreme & is a heavy price to pay!

Until you are faced with the reality it is so hard to understand...so I`d like to say well done to you for taking grasp of the situation & putting it right!!

Takes guts to take this route but when you know thats the only way then be strong & move forward with your life.

Keep posting as its helps to get those feelings `out there` & really helps others through the process along the way.

Angelx

Cinderbrook

There is really nothing to be afraid of with bankruptcy. As you have probably read on this forum it is a rather dull administrative procedure with very pleasant, sympathic civil service staff. Please trust that you will feel better once your debts have been taken out of your hands. You sound as though you have more important worries with your partner at the moment. The IPA payment can be quite a lot if you get one but the ORs have to bear in mind that you should be better off after BR than before so it can always be changed with altered cirumstances. Try not to think about it, the time will fly then you will be ready for a financial fresh start. Best wishes,
C