Support needed

leahjessy1

The first thing my CAB advisor said to me as we left the bancrupcy court was I bet that's a relief, to which I burst into tears. It wasn't a relief on that horrible day in November 2007. I had lost a home that I had put my heart and soul into for 13 years. And now 6 months on, the depression is getting deeper and deeper. Failure is paramount in my mind. I can get through this, I can live with my restrictions, what I can't cope with is the prospect of saying NO to my 3 darling grandchildren, when they ask for an ice cream, the day trips to the seaside or buying them what they want for their birthdays or christmas. I know I deserve the stress, the choas bancrupcy has caused and the 24 hourly feeling that I don't want to carry on.
The letter I received in April from the OR saying I may have the oppertunity for an early discharge filled me with joy as I know some people are not offered this chance, but now 7 weeks on and no news, it is worse than the day I went bancrupt. Each day that passes, with the letter box checked for news from the OR fills me with deeper despair and as the days pass the feelings become more intense. At times I have to avoid the temptation to take the easy way out, my daughter gets married in 2 weeks time, and what should be a day of celebration is dampened by the thought of
can you make 1 drink, last for 8 hours. I had no other option than bancrupcy but today like everyday is a bad day.

Mips

leahjessy1 wrote: »

The first thing my CAB advisor said to me as we left the bancrupcy court was I bet that's a relief, to which I burst into tears. It wasn't a relief on that horrible day in November 2007. I had lost a home that I had put my heart and soul into for 13 years. And now 6 months on, the depression is getting deeper and deeper. Failure is paramount in my mind. I can get through this, I can live with my restrictions, what I can't cope with is the prospect of saying NO to my 3 darling grandchildren, when they ask for an ice cream, the day trips to the seaside or buying them what they want for their birthdays or christmas. I know I deserve the stress, the choas bancrupcy has caused and the 24 hourly feeling that I don't want to carry on.
The letter I received in April from the OR saying I may have the oppertunity for an early discharge filled me with joy as I know some people are not offered this chance, but now 7 weeks on and no news, it is worse than the day I went bancrupt. Each day that passes, with the letter box checked for news from the OR fills me with deeper despair and as the days pass the feelings become more intense. At times I have to avoid the temptation to take the easy way out, my daughter gets married in 2 weeks time, and what should be a day of celebration is dampened by the thought of
can you make 1 drink, last for 8 hours. I had no other option than bancrupcy but today like everyday is a bad day.

Well you aren't a failure for a start :A

People can only juggle their finances so much, and some people can do that and keep doing it - I don't know of anybody who ISN'T in debt, I just know that they cope better than others at robbing Peter to pay Paul.

It would seem that many are on the verge of BR but may have help around them to keep them out of it...

You are not alone, there are lots of people on this board, and we all make mistakes in life, whether it be with money or with other things... is a serial cheat more respectable than someone who has gone bankrupt? We all have blips in life and you will get through this.

I see on another thread, there is a meet of other BR people.. could you somehow put a few £ a week away and look forward to meeting everyone else?

Enjoy your Daughters wedding, there will be friendly people there happy to buy your drinks who won't even realise it will be on your mind... and your Grandchildren will love running around the beach or the garden.. or many other free things... perhaps pick up a board game second hand from somewhere, you could play that on a blanket in the park.. in the Sun...

.. and remember, you are VERY SPECIAL to your Grandchildren for just being you... think of how happy you make them by just being there, happy to see them.

Have you seen a Dr about your depression? It seems that it is circumstantial, from your post, but maybe talk it over with the Dr and tell them honestly why it is, you feel the way you do :A

Eternal_Optimist

LeahJessy,
I know very little about the process of bankruptcy but there are lots of lovely helpful people on this board who will be able to advise you re. how they've felt about it and how they've worked through the difficulties. From what I understand about early discharge is that it can be a few months after your initial notification that it's a possibility before it would be confirmed. What I would say is that you sound very depressed and if you are having suicidal thoughts then you should make an appointment with your GP because you shouldn't have to go through this without support/advice. You are not a failure because you've gone bankrupt, in fact I personally think anyone who goes through this process is someone to be respected for having the courage to face their debts and using the best solution for their individual circumstances.

betterlatethannever

Hi Leahjessy and welcome.

Dippy has already given you some excellent advice:T

Have you actually checked the insolvency service website http://www.insolvency.gov.uk/eiir/ ? very often its posted there that you have recieved Ed, long before the letter comes from the OR. It maybe that its happened already, and if it hasn't then check every day or so.

As a grandparent you can offer so much more than 'throw away' gifts, you can offer things of great importance such as time and experience.
The times i remember most with my beloved grandma were the ones where we stood in the kitchen baking or just cooking a meal (mum never had time for that) the times we went for a walk or played cards/dominoes.

Stop beating yourself up for not being able to spend money on them, and offer them those free things that matter much, much more.

Please see a doctor and also talk to your family, get involved as much as possible with the wedding and be there for your grandkids.

Richard_S

Hi Leah,

Depression is a truly awful condition and if you're suffering as a result of your financial circumstances then perhaps you should seek medical advice, because none of us on here are trained therapists or counsellors. The only support we can offer is anecdotal, and a genuine heartfelt wish that somebody who is really suffering can put the pain behind them and move on.

You've lost your house; we too have lost many things that are dear to us, or were dear to us, but there really is no point in looking back with regret. That will not help you in the least; all that will do is guarantee that you'll spoil today and tomorrow, with wasted regrets about yesterday. Forget the house; it's history; your grandchildren are not.

Why can't you afford to buy small treats for your grandchildren? Are you paying an IPA that you were coerced into by the official receiver? Is it just that you're not earning enough? You should have sufficient cash in your pocket/purse for the basics of life, if you haven't then maybe you're not claiming the benefits you're entitled to.

Neither do you desreve the stress or the chaos that you talk about; you deserve the chance of putting past mistakes behind you and making a fresh start. If you have feelings of guilt then banish them to where they belong; a dim and distant memory.

ED is a welcome feeling that the past is behind you, but you'll be automatically discharged after a year, so a few months more to wait won't really make that much difference.

If you really don't have the money to buy more than one drink on your daughter's wedding then swallow your pride, explain the situation to your daughter and ask her if she'd lend you some cash until you're able to repay her. You will have made enough sacrifices over the years for your children, as we all have as parents, to justify borrowing a "few quid".

Please try and get things in perspective and learn how to laugh, and enjoy life again.

Richard

dalip

Richard_S wrote: »

Hi Leah,

Depression is a truly awful condition and if you're suffering as a result of your financial circumstances then perhaps you should seek medical advice, because none of us on here are trained therapists or counsellors. The only support we can offer is anecdotal, and a genuine heartfelt wish that somebody who is really suffering can put the pain behind them and move on.

You've lost your house; we too have lost many things that are dear to us, or were dear to us, but there really is no point in looking back with regret. That will not help you in the least; all that will do is guarantee that you'll spoil today and tomorrow, with wasted regrets about yesterday. Forget the house; it's history; your grandchildren are not.

Why can't you afford to buy small treats for your grandchildren? Are you paying an IPA that you were coerced into by the official receiver? Is it just that you're not earning enough? You should have sufficient cash in your pocket/purse for the basics of life, if you haven't then maybe you're not claiming the benefits you're entitled to.

Neither do you desreve the stress or the chaos that you talk about; you deserve the chance of putting past mistakes behind you and making a fresh start. If you have feelings of guilt then banish them to where they belong; a dim and distant memory.

ED is a welcome feeling that the past is behind you, but you'll be automatically discharged after a year, so a few months more to wait won't really make that much difference.

If you really don't have the money to buy more than one drink on your daughter's wedding then swallow your pride, explain the situation to your daughter and ask her if she'd lend you some cash until you're able to repay her. You will have made enough sacrifices over the years for your children, as we all have as parents, to justify borrowing a "few quid".

Please try and get things in perspective and learn how to laugh, and enjoy life again.

Richard

My god only a granparent who has gone bc could say that so well:T .Are you really that old rich:p

Richard_S

dalip wrote: »

My god only a granparent who has gone bc could say that so well:T .Are you really that old rich:p

Hi Dalip,

Yep, afraid so, but not too old to put you over my knee;:rolleyes:cheeky kids.:D:D

maxmycardagain

Richard_S wrote: »

Hi Dalip,

Yep, afraid so, but not too old to put you over my knee;:rolleyes:cheeky kids.:D:D

some of us used to have to pay for that

but she was nice after...

leahjessy1

With a heavy heart I thank you all for your wonderful responses. The one good thing that I have learnt from this site is that I am not alone and for that I thank you all. Your kind words and support will help me through today and when I hit rock bottom again, I have your responses to keep me focused.

Many many thanks

Baybee1984

Theres nothing I can say that the others havent already said. Great advice. It was a couple of months after I got the letter saying I may have early discharge that I often thought they'd forgot about me or that something was wrong. Try not to worry, these things take time and Im sure you'll get that letter through very soon!! Meanwhile, try and keep that chin up!! Good luck !

Addicted2Chocolate

If your ED is causing you concern rng the OR's office and ask to speak to the adminstration officer who deals with ED. They should be able to tell you where the ED process is.
You do sound like you need medical help from your doctor. I have suffered from depressionn in the past and I am glad to say know I can spot the signs and seek help before things get bad. I dont wish to pry into your personal circumstances but I hope you know you are much loved. All the grandkids and your grown up kids need is a cuddle and your time. I never knew either of my granddads they died before i was born, but I loved my nans and have great memories of things they said to me, the games we played, not a single memory of what they brought me for christmas or birthdays. Please put away the guilt and worry. I wish I could give you a big hug!