pregnant and frightened please help

petal62

Hello

Congrats on baby.
I was in the same boat as having debts but scared to tell partner, eventually I spoke to a company called Payplan, got the ball rolling to pay creditors off, the took a deep breath and told my partner. He was angry at first, then sat down and listened to the details, and read the info pack from Payplan, I can honestly say things between us are back to normal and he has started to trust me again. I show him all the post and tell him the phone calls I get from creditors.
I just needed to prove to him I could be trusted with money again, I don't spend anything without telling him first now,and the guilt of keeping it from him has now gone,we both feel happier.
I do hope if you tell him you get the same result. Best of luck and remember don't let the creditors bully you, believe me they will try.

poppyg_2

Congratulations on the pregnancy. I definitely advise speaking to one of the debt charities as others have suggested. If the debts are in your name only creditors cannot contact your OH to chase payments or anything so don't worry about that

Why not post up a statement of affairs (SOA) so people can offer some help on money saving? You never know you might be able to get those debts paid off quicker than you think

At the end of the day you're going to be having a beautiful little baby and all that baby will need is love

I think if you can tell your OH it would be a good idea, like someone else suggested, maybe a remortgage might not be such a bad idea depending what situation is with equity in your house?????

x x

sylviemylove

Thanks for the extremely welcome advise all.

If I spoke to oh about all this he might well suggest remortgaging, but we are streched to the limit with repayments as it is. Boilers on the blink, so are the electrics and the front doors knackered. Keep getting locked out. Really need those sorted. We should be remortgaging to get those things done but oh rightly decided we couldn't afford it. Would feel awful if the money was spent on my mess....anyway...

I have spoken to cccs again, starting a dmp and they reckon it'll take 10 years and that may make the creditors aggressive as they like it to be less than that. Has anyone else had that experience?

Although i think Summer has a point that once i get started i'll probably pay it off quicker by throwing every penny that comes my way at it.

I also want to thank you all for totally taking me by surprise and not berating me for getting pregnant when I'm in this situation. I have been feeling so guilty that I have not been able to get excited at all, I am starting to feel less so now. Thanks x

poppyg_2

Sylvie, i couldn't berate you at all, I have a lot of debt and whilst I'm not looking at getting pregnant right now I certainly wont be debt free when I do, but at the end of the day there's no way I'm missing out on having a family for the sake of some debts

Yeah I guess creditors might be annoyed but at the end of the day you're showing you're making an effort to pay the debts off and in a couple of years you may well be in a position to earn more and pay more off the debts

Have a look round the house see if there's anything you can sell on ebay. Join some survey sites, my favourite is www.valuedopinions.co.uk, I've been getting approx 2 - 3 surveys off them a week, each pays £1 or £2, basically when your balance reaches a tenner you swap the money for a gift voucher (range of shops to choose from including Boots, M&S, Tesco), I've got an M&S one due to reach me any day now which I can use to buy some 'posh' food and have almost got enough in my account for another. Not much I know but every little help, especially with baby on the way, or you can use them for Birthday/Christmas presents of course!

Now then, do you fancy posting up an SOA when you get time? I promise you'll get some fab advice from people on ways to cut costs

You let yourself get excited about that baby now, I would!!!! You're making some really positive steps here and you've come to the right place for help/support, I didn't join this site long ago but have found it an absolute god send so far

LilacPixie

Congratulations on the pregnancy. Try and not worry about debt and try not worry that worrying is hurting the baby. Babies are very resiliant things.

Why would anyone berate you for getting pregnant?? You debt will seem massive to you but it really is small potatoes compared to some, including mine, and i'm due in July!!!!

Post a little soa when you get chance to and speak to you hubby. a problem shared is a problem halfed and all that.

pnq06

Hi Hun,

Just wanted to also say congratulations :heart2:

I fell pregnant unexpectedly in January of last year whilst in £15000 of debt- I had bailiffs letters in the post every other day and also had to go to court at 36 weeks pregnant and I got through it- I had to for mine and the babies sake...

BUT I certainly didn't do myself any favours stressing out about it, at the end of my pregnancy I was admitted to hospital with high blood pressure- It may of been nothing to do with debts but it certainly played a huge part in sleepless nights...

Try not to worry yourself about it- They can't take what you haven't got and they certainly can't take what isn't yours....

Things probably seem worse than they really are because of your maternal instinct...

Wish you all the very best,

xxx

MamaSaver

One thing I've learned is that there is never a time in your life when you feel it's "perfect" time to have a baby. You will never have absolutely everything in line and count yourself lucky that it's only money in the way and not your health. I got pregnant last year just after my husband went self employed. We didn't have much savings behind us, but we just laughed about it. It was our second. I had huge complications with the pregnancy and as a result we are now 30,000 in debt (but very eagerly working on it). Before we had our first child we were in a great financial position, but our living arrangements had alot to be desired for bringing up a baby. My point is, there's always going to be something that worries you that you're not the perfect wife / mother, but once you do your best, that will see you through. Make sure you take care, put your feet up as much as possible and remember that worrying won't help you. I don't worry about money, I just worry about my children now. Although I do my best to get money in and save on as much as possible, it doesn't overtake my life because there are such more important things to take care of.
Congratulations :j

jak

I am due in July and we've had a hell of a time with our debts. I tell you what tho....it's amazing what a motivator being pg is! We've paid off loads more than we thought we'd be able to! Just by sheer luck, sweat, tears and really trying. Don't worry! All the baby needs is you, oh and love! By the time the baby would be old enough to understand the debt will be paid off. CONGRATULATIONS by the way, your news is lovely!
J
X

sylviemylove

Thanks everyone, so much. x