Spend thrift husband!help!

jak

My husband is driving me mad. I am in charge of all our finances and I have the cards etc. I am spending any spare cash on getting us out of debt and managing our budget pretty well I think. We have £50 pcm for socializing and plenty for food and stuff.
However, my husband will NOT stop spending money. Anything he can get his hands on. It is driving me mad. I just found out he lent some randon person at work £9 yesterday! Now £9 is not a lot but let me put this in context for you! Last month he spent half our rent money down the pub. This winter he couldn't work at all due to visa problems- went online banking and discovered his family had sent him money over winter- he had spent this going out dispite the fact I am pregnant and couldn't find full time work. He is not an alchoholic (although this reads like he is) just rubbish with money. However, I am seriously considering leaving him as I cannot cope with this any more!
This brings me to the next problem: If I leave him, he will not get his visa, and will almost certainly have to move back to new zealand. I don't want this. I love him. I just don't know what to do.
I have tried talking to him but it gets me no where. I'm depressed.
J
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teedy23

If you love him then your sunk really. Why does he spend so much? Do you think he wants to go home? Is he getting a bit scared because of the baby coming and his life will be over? Can you give a little without causing financial disaster? You sometimes have to put up with, or accept people the way they are. By the way he,s a scatter-cash, if he was a spendthrift you wouldn't have a problem. I,m not even going to try to give you advice, just try to give you a few questions you may have to think over. The fact that he didnt tell you about his family sending money is a bit worrying though.

jak

Scatter cash- that made me smile! He says he doesn't want to go home. We have said we'll move over in a few years- when we've got savings etc. He doesn't want to go home skint! He says he's excited about the baby. We 'tried' for ages! He is a big baby, that's the trouble. I always think of something when we're up sh*t creek and he never has to. Sick of him tonight. Thanks for the reply
J
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teedy23

If you didnt think of something he would have to, thats the way it goes. Good luck to you both and hope all goes well with the baby. x

jak

THanks t
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Debt_Free_Chick

I'm trying to be tactful here - honest ... but ....

When you say you've talked to him - have you? Really? Or is it possible that you've just nagged at him for spending

Sorry

Have you sat down with the budget and gone through it? What does he get out of wasting his money? He must "get something out of it" - perhaps he's afraid he won't get the chance when the baby arrives? Perhaps he misses home (although that doesn't mean he's not happy with you).

lemontart

case of sitting down showing him the figures and if he still does not get it, do not let him have access to the money over and above what he needs for essentials on a given day, you say he is a big baby so he will have to be treated like that to learn responsibility.

jak

I am at the end of my tether. We worked out the budget together and compromised on what would be fair spending for everything. He doesn't have access to much money, just what he needs for work. I'll have to start giving him just the cheque with the amount written on for work and take his cheque book off him. I am so sick and tired of having to be a blo**y dictator about it. I just want him to take some responsiblity.
J

pinkshoes

I cannot emphasis enough the importance of financial compatibility in a relationship!

You need to involve him more, SHOW him the figures, lay it down, and say that he either supports your financial efforts, or he can leave! He really can't have both!

Perhaps he just doesn't understand how little free cash you actually have?

whatatwit

If you read through some of the threads, especially on the DFW board, this is a common theme, that the woman has to take control and dole out the pocket money.
Would it help if you were to set up a separate account for him, into which an agreed amount was put each payday. You could then remove cards for the main account off him and leave him with access to his money.
Getting his card bounced once or twice might help to reduce his spending.

jak

Thanks. I'll try again to show him eveything. I'm losing the will to live tho. There's only so many times you can do that?!
J
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