how do I face the future.....so fed up...

sunshine38_2

Just wanted to say "hello and welcome" (oh, and to push your thread back up the board!)

Please pop back and let us know how you are feeling?

I picked up a phrase on these boards which says "what's done is done ... it's what you do next that matters".

What you can do is talk to the lovely folk on here who will always try to help (night or day).

If you did happen to see the "troll" posts earlier, please, please, take no notice of those comments whatsoever - that particular "troll" has been banished thankfully. Please stay and talk some more, it will do you good.

Hope to see you back soon. Hugs for you in the meantime :grouphug:

Sx

angeldiva

Hi just wanted to say hello and welcome and to tell you that I'm sitting here in admiration. To have such responsibility for three other people all by yourself and to have started your DMP - which is a huge step you have done really well.

Like others have said and something I wanted to also mention, Its hard doing it all alone. Sometimes we feel like we are super people but being super can get to you at times. Everyone needs an outlet and someone to talk to, otherwise we would all go crazy. I know you have us, but you also need a good coffee and a chat with someone close to you. Once you have had that and you are feeling a bit better then you can post your SOA on here and the fellow mse's will be able to help you and give you ideas on how to reduce that debt - there is light at the end of the tunnell believe me.

It doesn’t matter how you got here the best part now that you realise you are here, with our help things can only get better

Please pop back and let us know how you get on.

poppyg_2

Just wanted to echo what others are saying about posting up a SOA, I owe around £40k and am slowly paying this off, sometimes like you say it seems like it's going to take forever and it's so tough.

It seems as though you're caring for 3 people. I don't know the circumstances behind your mum living with you, is she poorly/unable to look after herself? If so I can totally understand why you don't want to talk to her about your debts.

I think you should keep your house, it's something that is yours and no one can take it away from you and it provides stability for you all, finding somewhere else to live would be such a major added stress on you all. Is there a chance of your partner going back to work at any point in the not too distant future do you think?

It does sound like you could do with speaking to someone about everything, maybe a good friend? Or just us of course there's always people on here to talk to, you're by no means alone with all of this

You are paying a lot to CCCS to clear these debts. Are you due for a review soon? I wonder if you could pay slightly less if you're struggling to live on what you have left?

learntthehardway_2

Thanks for all your support........its been a bad day.....low one......I try keep positive and just keep going. My mum knows I'm in debt and wishes she could help me...which she has and still does.I do all the challenges on here, I regulary come on here and read all your posts, keeps me going. My son is brill,he has his own little job to earn himself pocket money. My partner cant talk to him has severe depression through work, been off work since Feb but still on full pay. He is lost in his own world.
Its just going to be a long haul........As for the comment from multi-millions ..it dont bother me........I know I made this mess.

My SOA

Morgage- £650 monthly
Council Tax - £118- monthly (over 10 months)
Gas- £48--changed company was £61
Electric - £35 -changed company
C.C.C.S payment -£662
Water Rates-£14 monthly
TV Licence- £11.84
Car insurance-£11.16 (V reg corsa)
Petrol- £25 month
Insurance life- £15.99 (cover my debts if I die)
Insurance(pays out when he's 18) -son (been paying it since he was born)-£15 month.
Food allowance £340-monthly for all of us.
Mobile-£10 every 2 months
House/contents Insurance-£18 month (changed insurance)
Land line-£11 month.
Broadband/phone-£18 month.
SAVE-£30 month for emergency.

Total....£2025.99.

Incomings.

My wage-£1400-month take home
partner gives me £375.00 month
maintainance- £200-month
child benefit-£74.50
My mother once a month buys big shop for me £100,dont like taking it of her as I bought council house cheap through her, so she could live rent free.

I work full time with adults with learning disabilities, but have applied to Age Concern to do some extra hours with them.

Eternal_Optimist

I wish I could offer some extra advice but I can't think of anything extra than what has been already said by others.

I just want to say your post has really touched me and I definitely know the guilty feeling of knowing that my children are affected by my often irresponsible spending over the years. I'm a single parent and I too keep everything to myself except for on this board which is such a great support, inspiration and comfort.

I hope things improve everday and in every way for you. No one knows what future will bring so we may as well think postively rather than negatively. I know that sounds trite but try and focus on what there is in your life that is positive, i.e. your son and take care of yourself.
I know I'm rambling now but I just wanted to say you are not alone and many people on this forum can empathise and relate to your situation and hopefully we can help in some little ways with advice, tips etc

Jacks_xxx

:wave: Hiya honey,

Many of us who are staring down the barrel of a long slog have been where you are now - but the thing to remember is that things change.

Our debt free date was originally 2028 and now it's in less than a year.

Things change hon.

People come out of depression.
Kids grow up, get jobs and contribute to the household finances,
People get pay rises / new jobs
Bills change (sometimes they go down! Sometimes our needs change and we don't need the same things.)

Here are a couple of things that jumped out at me - I'm really bossy and interfering and I just say what I think. Please don't let me upset or offend you, and totally ignore me if you like!

OH's contribution Could he be contributing more?

As I understand it - he lives with you and gets everything taken care of for him, and his only contribution is that amount of money you quoted?

If that's most of what he gets paid then fine - but if it's not most of what he gets paid then I think you should tell him you need more.

There are two wage earners in the house and the household expenses need to be shared out more fairly.

Shopping I'm pretty sure you can cut the food bill.

Have a read on the Moneysaving Old Style Board for ideas. (We've cut our monthly supermarket bill from £650+ to about £290 by trying out a few ideas from there and I work a lot of hours and can't really cook!)

Maybe Mum could have a look too if she does some of the cooking / shopping. Definitely get her on board! The oldies are much better at stretching a food budget than we are!

My Mum has just got online at the age of 63 and my nan - who sadly passed recently - was fascinated by it all at the age of 93. Gawd Bless her!

Son's Insurance.I would also take a hard look at that insurance for your son.

I'd work out how much you'll pay over the next four years and how much it wil pay out at the end and decide if it's worth it.

That money could be used to save up for settlement offers to your creditors to get debt free earlier.

Council Tax The two months that we don't have to pay this we throw it at the debts. You could maybe speak to CCCS about trying that yourself next time around? If you have a smallish debt you could offer it as a settlement figure perhaps?

Meanwhile sweetie, posting on here will help you to feel less alone.

Love Jacks xxx

elona

If your partner is on a full wage why does he only give you £375 a month?

smashedbooboo

Hi honey, ignore the troll for a start. Get used to it as well as they will pop up from time to time. Anyway to business. You are already getting loads of good advice babe. From now in you look forward not back. And when you get fed up or down then there will always be someone here to talk to. They are a fab bunch on here hun. Think of them as an extended family. You wont go far wrong. You are not alone. x x x x x xx

chevalier

my comments are in blue

learntthehardway wrote: »

.

My SOA

Morgage- £650 monthly is the repayment or interest only. If the former could you switch? Or ask for a payment holiday? That way if you had some smallish debts you could offer the mortgage money as a full and final settlement? Then you would see some movement in your debts.
Council Tax - £118- monthly (over 10 months) you could ask to pay if over 12 months to spread the load. nb as there are 3 adults in the house, I think that you should ask your mum for a contribution towards this. She would have to pay more than £30 a month if she was on her own.
Gas- £48--changed company was £61
Electric - £35 -changed company
C.C.C.S payment -£662 Are you due a review? I was surprised to hear that some companies haven't stopped the interest on the debt, that is pretty unusual. I would get in contact with CCCS and ask them to write to these companies again with you income and expenditure to jog them into stopping the interest.
Water Rates-£14 monthly
TV Licence- £11.84
Car insurance-£11.16 (V reg corsa)
Petrol- £25 month
Insurance life- £15.99 (cover my debts if I die)
Insurance(pays out when he's 18) -son (been paying it since he was born)-£15 month.
Food allowance £340-monthly for all of us. I agree with other posters that this could be less. We are a family of 4 and two cats and I spend about £50 less than this. And if your mum wants to contribute then now is NOT the time to be proud.
Mobile-£10 every 2 months
House/contents Insurance-£18 month (changed insurance)
Land line-£11 month.
Broadband/phone-£18 month.
SAVE-£30 month for emergency.How much do you have saved up? If this is over say £1000 I would take anything over this amount and see if you can use it to offer as a full and final settlement on a small ish debt. See what CCCS say.

Total....£2025.99.

Incomings.

My wage-£1400-month take home
partner gives me £375.00 month Sorry you mentioned that he is currently on full pay from work. So unless he works part time or is in his own DMP then it is ridiculous that he is keeping money that you desparately need to help pay this debt. He has benefitted from the things the credit bought whether it was in your name or his, so he should help pay for it. I appreciate that he is off work with depression, but having had this myself, it doesn't mean that he can't help you with this. Just to be gentle when you do. And if he has only just been diagnosed then it may take a bit for the tablets to work (took about 3 months before I noticed a difference). If the tablets are making him sleepy etc, then take him to get the medication checked. It maybe a side effect. Also medication doesn't work for all people so when you take him (he won't 'be bothered' to do on his own), ask about counselling services.
maintainance- £200-month
child benefit-£74.50
My mother once a month buys big shop for me £100,dont like taking it of her as I bought council house cheap through her, so she could live rent free. If you can't get more money out of your OH then sorry but she will have to keep doing this, plus I think you should tell her and him the problems you are having with the debt. I bet your mum has an idea anyway. And she may feel that she isn't contributing enough as it is. don't be too proud to take the help she offers.

I work full time with adults with learning disabilities, but have applied to Age Concern to do some extra hours with them.

best of luck
chev

brightonman123

i thought these debt payment thigs were meant to run 5/6 years MAX, with most of the debts writen off?

i would check what terms you are on with the 'agent', and see if better off cancelling this, and paying direct to your creditors- may well reduce time it takes to clear these, if no commission being taken.

think of it as saving up, but in reverse.. get onto your local freecycle site (rather apt) and see if you can get a bike- do some exercise, sunshine, and maybe some fresh thinking..

pm me if you want to share experiences.