how do I face the future.....so fed up...

learntthehardway_2

Hi everyone,
I've been on DMP now for eight months,and will be for next 9 yrs, I'm paying off £662 to C.C.C.S and with all my other out goings monthly £1850 is going straight out of my wages. Which leaves me with £200 to live on......I feel I'm slowly dying inside all I do is work........no social life.....only thing on my mind is money all the time and the thought of working myself to death for next 9 yrs. I have a son of 14 yrs old, he knows nothing of my debts and I look at him and think I cant go on holiday with you, treats out like we had,,, them days gone......I really cant afford it.......what a mess my life has turned out to be, I'm 50 and slowly feeling like I'm 80 ! constantly watching my spending is driving me mad........my mother lives with me (shes 75) and she catches me sometimes crying.............my partner is off work with severe depression, (knows nothing of mt debts) and I feel like the whole world is on my shoulders.......I own my house......could sell it.....I have £65,000 morgage on it(worth £140,000 and dropping) and owe £70,000 in debts (long story how it got that high) so maybe I would be debt free....but its my family home.where would we live??? would kill my mother..........I have cut,cut,cut back on everything, shop at aldi's now, always putting on a brave face.....when I know I just want to run away........10 yrs of this in front of me is too much for me to bear, and today got my statement from C.C.C.S and my debt higher than when I started, some companies not stopped interest adding.So I'm treading mud.I haven't got the energy to even try claim back bank charges.......worried in case them I do claim from that have stoped interest will start adding to it..........
Anyway, thanks for reading this.....sorry to all those who have been on DMP for years.....I admire you......I just know I got to find way out of this.....or I'm going to become ill and it will all implode on me anyway.

tuggy

Hi there,

first DEEEEEP BREATH

Secondly, you need to talk to someone. If your son is 14, they actually usually have a good head on their shoulders by that age even if they hide it well. Could you talk to him, make him understand so he knows why you cant splash out on him? Also at 14 can he not get a Saturday job to provide his own bit of cash to get himself treats?

Good luck and remember theres a million people going thru this, youre not alone.

Pollycat

I'm sorry I can't offer you any positive advice about your debts but I just wanted to send you lots of hugs.

The thing that came out of your post was that you seem to be dealing with all of this ON YOUR OWN - and I don't think that's a good thing for you to do healthwise.
I appreciate why you think you can't share this problem with your partner, but does your Mum know about it at all?
If not, do you think you could possibly talk it through with her?
Do you have a good (discreet) friend who would understand?

sallyx

multi_millions wrote: »

try getting a life and not posting silly threads its your own fault your on a dmp and your responsibility

Stop posting unhelpful posts, your not helping the OP, they have come here for a bit of support and people like you really don't help. Yes we have all made mistakes in our past, unless of course we are like you with your glowing halo :A but to judge, critise and be nasty is bangout of order

Pollycat

Do ignore the incredibly unsympathetic post from multi millions - this member has just joined and, judging from the 4 posts he/she has already made, seems intent on being objectional to people who really need help, support & advice - which is what this particular forum is all about.

churchrat

hi
congratulations for starting on the DMP. Most people on here will be able to identify with how you feel. We started on our DMP 6yrs ago (61k) and have nearly finished, some 2yrs earlier than we thought we would. When we started , we felt much the same as you, but it does get easier.
From reading your post I get the feeling that you are alone in all this-- do you have someone to share this all with? have you felt able to speak to your GP?
As Tuggy says, a 14yr old can be very grown up about the situation, and without doubt there will be people at school going thro the same thing as your family.
As for treats and holidays-- we havn't had a "proper" holiday in a very long time, but there are other things you can do that don't cost the earth. I think the biggest thing about dealing with debt is understanding that the money you have in your pocket is all you have, whereas before you could just borrow some.
Personally, I would not sell the house, you will still need somewhere to live and as you say, it might not even cover your debt.
Have you looked at the Long Haulers thread? everyone on there is in the same place that you are--good luck and keep in touch

Bismarck

Pollycat wrote: »

Do ignore the incredibly unsympathetic post from multi millions - this member has just joined and, judging from the 4 posts he/she has already made, seems intent on being objectional to people who really need help, support & advice - which is what this particular forum is all about.

I wouldn't accord multi_millions the status of being a member. Doubt multi_millions has anything valuable to offer anybody. I suppose multi_millions does provide us with someone worthy of pity. That's all they are worth.

Shineyhappy

Hi, big hugs!! It sounds like you have 3 people fully dependant on you, which is a lot when you are on your own.

I think you need to talk to someone in your family and share you worries. It sounds like your OH and your mum are ok about putting there worries on you but you cant to the same to them. You should be dealing with this as a family and not on you. Why would it kill your mum when she seems to have no other worries?

It might be easier to deal with this as a strong family unit, join in one of the challenges together and use the money raised for a holiday or treats or extra debt repayments? Get your OH or son to join online surveys and cashback sites to raise money for Christmas and birthdays. I am sure your son will be a natural at anything online like Ebaying old toys, dvds etc.

If you post up a statment of affairs we may be able to help you shave off some money from your outgoings and that would help.

Big hugs again!!

GeorgeUK

Hi LTHW.

Sorry to hear about your problems and that you're struggling. Alot of people are on DMP's and while it will be a long hard slog, look at how far you've come in the last 8 months. You didn't know how to handle the debts, but are now dealing with them. Can i just confirm that the CCCS you are with is the free charity one? There is another company that used the same initials - not sure if they are still in business though.

Has CCCS said anything about these companies that have not yet stopped charging interest? Have you asked on the board if there is anything you can do to get this sorted yourself? I'm afraid i have no experience with this.

Right now it is you V the world. You can't continue like this or you could end up having a breakdown. You've cared for your brother when he was ill, you take care of your mother and son, your probably taking care of your partner while he is unwell and you're dealing with a mountain of debt. No wonder you feel stressed. One more thing and it would be no surprise if you buckled.

You are taking care of everything and everyone. Who is taking care of you. There are people there that care for you and would be glad to help even just emotionally if given the chance. You need to talk to your family about what is happening - it does directly effect them after all. You need some TLC to keep you going - financially things are going to be hard for a while, but you need a support team to keep you grounded and not worry yourself to death.

Hope things get better soon.
George

pennyfrog

Well said Bismarck!
None of know the story behind the OP's debts- so how dare anyone feel they have the right to make such obnoxious holier -than -thou coments!
The OP has taken a huge step and been brave enough to come here asking for support. I only hope that if multi- millions ever found him/herself in a real need (financial/ emotional or whatever) that others would give the unconditional support that so many here have received and not damning condemnation from people who are too ignorant to show any human understanding. MM- well, aren't you the lucky one never to have been in any difficulties. Sooo- why are you in the debt-free wannabe section at all? Try reminding yourself of the forum ettiquette at the very least.

Bismarck's signature says it beautifully, I think!

learnthehardway- you really can't go on carrying it all on your own shoulders, hon. Believe me, I know what that's like! I think the long haulers' thread would be a good place to have a look round. You're not alone- even though it feels like that at times. iIt's tough when you feel like a failed parent, isn't it? Our kids know how things are financially, (they're 12 and 14 ) and are incredibly understanding and supportive. Of course there are times when they'd love to be able to go on holiday and do the things that their better- off friends do; but they've never whined, never blamed, and they've appreciated everything they do have. You'd be surprised how kids cope given the chance!

floss2

multi_millions wrote: »

for gods sake get a life .....

couldn't say it better myself

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