He hates me

mountainofdebt

Just thought I would give everyone an update post debt relevation.

He hates me. Can't put it any other way.

He's barely spoken to me since Sunday and to be honest I would rather he was ranting all the time - at least that way we would be communicating (yes I spot the irony in that one).

The worst thing about it is that we supposed to be going away this weekend to stay with good friends .....I can't face the being sociable one minute and then the frostness the next.

I know I have no defence - I should have told him about the debt - but as far as the company is concerned I do wonder why the accountant didn't notice something - but I can hardly yell that at him can I, without starting WW4

Not sure how much longer I can stand this.

hypno06

((((hugs)))).......I am not sure what else to say that is going to help you. I am assuming you have tried to talk to him, but without success? I guess he just needs time and space to get his head round it.

xx

GirlRacer_2

People express anger in different ways. He doesn't hate you he just dislikes you at the moment. Give him time, he'll come round. If he didn't want to be with you he'd have done a runner by now.

Big hugs x

immoral_angeluk

I'm sure he doesn't hate you. He's just trying to get over the shock. I'm sure he'll come round... :grouphug:

Billy_two_speakers

mountainofdebt wrote: »

He hates me. Can't put it any other way.

He's barely spoken to me since Sunday and to be honest I would rather he was ranting all the time - at least that way we would be communicating (yes I spot the irony in that one).

Lets says your right and he hates you ! you know how yougot to this postion, so you need (if you feel its worth it) to work on changeing how he feels about you and the situation, your going to have to go the extra mile and work hard

going away might even be a good idea, look at it as a sand bag if you both have to but on a show it will for a bit calm things down. yes its false but if he is watching his P & Qs might get a civil word out

of course it would be nice just to sit down as adults and sort this out over a cup of tea :rotfl: but in the real world thats not going to happen so use any way you can if you think its worth it

mountainofdebt

Thank you all.

I'm not sure whether its shock (that would be the best case senario), the disgust (his words not mine) or hatred at the moment.

You know what is the hardest ?

The way he turns his back on me when we go to bed .

I know people say they felt better once their partners knew the score but I don't, certainly not at the moment.

Hell1

Hi MOD:j

Just wanted to add my hugs to everyone elses. Have you got a plan you can show him? ie - I know we are in trouble, but here's how we can get out of it? Also, he must bear some of the responsibility, or did you run up all the debts in your name only, for only you? - Another thought... When I discovered my ex had left me with debts, I felt angry, helpless, but most of all betrayed. I'm sure your oh is feeling a whole load of conflicting emotions, but this does not mean he doesn't love you!

Take care, thinking of you
Hell

boredofbeingathome

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Just thought I would give everyone an update post debt relevation.

He hates me. Can't put it any other way.

He's barely spoken to me since Sunday and to be honest I would rather he was ranting all the time - at least that way we would be communicating (yes I spot the irony in that one).

The worst thing about it is that we supposed to be going away this weekend to stay with good friends .....I can't face the being sociable one minute and then the frostness the next.

I know I have no defence - I should have told him about the debt - but as far as the company is concerned I do wonder why the accountant didn't notice something - but I can hardly yell that at him can I, without starting WW4

Not sure how much longer I can stand this.

You're right, the accountant should have spotted something. At the very least, his expansion plans would have to have been discussed and a business plan put in place to include all of the isssues concerning PAYE etc.

I think that although you admit you played a part, he is looking for a scapegoat because he can't do as he wishes with the company.

In this respect i feel you cannot accept responsibility for his lack of business acumen.

As other posters have said, it may get better, or it may not. I suggest you take a break from him for a while and let him deal with everything. At least you will get some sleep and would not have be wary of his reactions 24/7.

I think you will reach breaking point if you carry on like this and you need to think with a clear head..I hope you don't mind me saying this, but as you write you sound more anxious than you did before, and you seem to getting yourself wrapped up in knots.

Hope you can work something out, but please think of your health.

Bob xx

Eternal_Optimist

To be honest I think you are expecting a little too much a little too soon.
I'm sure he doesn't hate you or even dislikes you or anything of that nature but I think he's had a a bit of a shock and he's reeling a bit from the news.
I think you just need to ride it out and give him a little bit more time to sort things out in his own head. Try and imagine if the situation was reversed and it was you who had found out about this. I know it's hard getting the cold shoulder but I'm sure he will come round and you will be able to face this together....it's just he's not at that point at the moment but it'll come I'm sure:T
Don't be too hard on yourself....what's done is done...but at least it's all out in the open now and that must be a relief....it's the future that matters and I'm sure your other half will come round to that reality pretty soon.

Best wishes & Take Care of Yourself:T

southernscouser

Are you sure he isn't partly angry at himself?

Everyone thinks men are simple creatures (beer and boobs) yet deep down we have as many isssues as you women!

It's in a mans genes to be a protector for his family. If we fail then we feel ashamed and all the rest etc. He might be expressing this through anger towards you as it's easier to do that than open up his real feelings as he feels he hasn't done what he is supposed to. :undecided

TangledMemories_2

I agree with scouser...maybe he is hurt and blaming himself in some way but his brain is trying to rationalise everything and instead of him blowing a fuse at you, he's keeping schtum until it's under control?

It's alot to take in when you've been going along thinking everything is hunky-dory. He's probably wondering to himself why you didn't feel you could tell him you were struggling...could be anything going through his head.

I think you just need to sit tight and take each day as it comes. If it continues for too long though, you need to sit him down and say "talk to me"