He hates me

mountainofdebt

Thanks Guys (you too Bob - your thanks button has disappeared!) - it nice to know I can still 'speak' to people without them recoiling in horror.

I know it will be a while before we can talk about this in a rational manner but I have this fear in the back of mine that he is biding his time .......and yes I am getting more and more anxious -haven't really eaten in the last three days and seem to sleep fleetingly.

I've gone back to basics (why couldn't I stay there!) and have drawn up a spreadsheet for the cashflow. I've aso cancelled DDs worth about £150 so hopefully in 4 months time I won't be living in my O/D. After that I can throw that money at the debt which will reduce it faster.

The aspirations I was talking about wasn't so much to do with the business but he wanted to buy out his sister and the other beneficiary from his father's estate, buying out the house and renting it out. Obviously that will have to be put on hold now.

SS - nice to hear from you again - how have you managed to reduce your debt so quickly? Any tips would be appreciated (not edge betting though - tried it once and couldn't figure it out for love nor money!)

boredofbeingathome

Thanks that makes it a bit clearer.

Just playing devils advocate a bit here...were you ok with his previous plans? After all it would have been joint money in order to buy his sister out.

If the shoe was on the other foot, would you have forgiven him?

I am worried about the lack of eating and sleeping, you really should not be punishing yourself like this.

Also as it his business, then you should not be making up the shortfall, it would have to be accounted for by the tax man if extra money were to come in.

There, have finished blabbing now.

kel123_2

Mind if I tell you what happened to us

My business folded and left 56K of debts. our life went from 2-3 holidays a year and spare money to go out if we wanted to, to having to find atleast £150 free money a month to be able to get on a DMP with Payplan. (the business only accounted for about 13K of the debt)

She who will remain nameless earns just over 32k per year and couldn't understand why we had to cut back so drastically, basically it was my fault for getting us in this mess

Me on the other hand was blaming myself for getting us into this mess. I had left a job 21K to start the business and as i have said it folded.

So the mood in our house was one of pending doom and depression. She who will still not be named had no trust in me that was completely shot and ofcause I had no faith in my own ability. Everytime someone at her work bragged about the holiday they booked she became sullen and argumentative and because it was my fault I got it in the neck. 2 years on and those feelings have on the whole gone. I still admit that it's my fault but it does not dictate my actions and it's been sometime since i've heard 'i'm earning enough money why can't we have...'

I think most of the people on here have gone through similar, Has it made us stronger as a couple - no! it's gone back to how it was before being DFW's as it made us stronger to never get in this position again - a resounding yes.


Just thought this might help

Kel

Bismarck

Don't think he hates you. Maybe hates the situation and he's disappointed, angry and frustrated. You've lived the sinking ship for so long you don't see how far down it's gone...to be sailing along quite merrily and then be hit by a bombshell from absolutely nowhere will take some getting used to.

I've been away for a few days and got the annual accounts back from the accountants and was quickly looking through them and hit a Victor Meldrew moment when I saw that they'd missed a digit off one expense column in the previous years accounts. Since they were done, I've passed some exams so this was now obvious to me but this has been through their bookkeepers (the one set of accounts they've done from the start), their accountant (twice) and the partner (twice) and no-one wondered why my stationery and postage for that year was a tenth of what it should be (internet-based retail), based on previous years. This has an impact everywhere else...

My reaction says it all...I'm hopping mad though I should maybe accept that these things happen. I'm sure it can be sorted out but the facade of the accountants being right has gone.

If I'd done it myself, it wouldn't have happened but I can't do everything and sometimes just that fact annoys me.

Being away camping in the wet and the frost made me realise that sometimes we need to practice being content as I don't think we're actually very good at it.

For what it's worth, my boat's coming out of the rocky waters and there's blue sky ahead but it really was pretty dark, wet and stormy for a while.

Thoughts are with you both.

hypno06

Bismark, I love your signature - so true:

"What's done is done, it's what you do next that matters"

x

Bismarck

Thank you!

A little humility and determination goes a long way. I'm not one for giving up but I do make things awkward sometimes!