What do I do?

facingthefuture

I am so embarrassed, I have been helping to sort out an elderly aunt (who my dad promised my gran he would always look after). There has been plenty to do and to be honest I have given up a lot of my ms work and am spending a fortune on fuel.There is no-one else my aunt trusts apart from dad and I. The whole thing is very emotional since it involves coping with dementia and her terrible frustration, my poor dad is literally heart broken. This I have done both for her and my dads sake (heart condition) but as a result have been clearing up a legal matter for the other siblings too. Today dad just called and said one of them has told him she is going to give her money from the situation to me. I told dad no way, I am not doing it for money and I am so embarrassed. He said I deserved it because I am constantly helping folk without looking for anything back and I should just say thanks. I have of course debts (hence I'm on this board) but I just find anyone giving me money so embarrassing. I don't ever want to be accused of anything wrong . I do appreciate it and indeed the aunt that wants to give it to me is really lovely but I am mortified. She is very wealthy and I know wouldn't miss the money. Still, jeez I am broke to the bone!(I am 42 and still go red with embarrassment).What do you think?

moneymabel

my advice? you sound like a selfless, generous ,caring person who has just been given a much needed break, i can't imagine a single person who would have any problem with you accepting this money (apart from yourself) so-please take it. The world needs more carers like you and it's only right that one of them should be rewarded for their kindness.
Also,it may seem like the world to you , but if your relative is wealthy then it's the equivalent of you giving someone a quid for a cup of tea, generous but it doesn't hurt your pocket that much!

TangledMemories_2

I agree with moneymabel. You are one of the few people left in this world who will help someone for no payment. However, some people will take offence if they offer you payment and you refuse.
It doesn't make you a money-grabber or anything.

One of my aunt's is suffering from alzheimers - although her daughter won't admit to it. One minute she's talking sense, the next she talks about something that happened 40 years ago as though it happened today. It's very hard work mentally and emotionally dealing with someone like that so my hat goes off to you.

facingthefuture

:oThanks moneymabel:o , maybe if I had of found out after the 'situation' it wouldn't be so embarrassing.I'm still in the middle of things.I might end up using the money for the poorly aunt, she will need things (I need to get her out of the one pair of shoes she is wearing)

moneymabel

it sounds to me like your aunt is giving you that money to make your life easier, so don't spend it all on your other aunt, i know it sounds harsh but if you are stressed about your debts as well as looking after your aunt you will end up ill yourself. perhaps buy your aunt her shoes and put a bit aside for future emergencies but use the rest for yourself.

facingthefuture

TangledMemories wrote: »

One of my aunt's is suffering from alzheimers - although her daughter won't admit to it. One minute she's talking sense, the next she talks about something that happened 40 years ago as though it happened today. It's very hard work mentally and emotionally dealing with someone like that so my hat goes off to you.

We did the same until everything got too bad. Sometimes its easier to live in denial. However, last week we had a really appalling time and to be honest I regret now not having read more up on it. It would have prepared us more. Its a truly awful disease and particularly to see a sibling go through it must be horrendous. Dad is finding it really hard to deal with.
I think (and I'm not sure about this) the earlier its recognised/diagnosed the better since medication can slow its progress.Maybe your cousin needs help to face it herself.

Keeping_Positive

A good post bu Moneymabel. Use the money for yourself leavingsome for the shoes and a emergency fund is a great idea.

You sound as if you deserve a break so please take it.

thevinternet

Take it - it will give her pleasure to give it to you, so just enjoy it. If you are feeling guilty, give 10% to a charity. Maybe an Alzeimers or heart disease charity if those two illnesses have affected you personally? That way, you'll feel better about keeping the rest.

southernscouser

I'll have it.


But you deserve it.

RAS

Hi

Know where you are coming from with this, but...

Your relative has seen your hard work and wants to contribute in a way that she can.

At the very least accept the cost of your effort - travel costs, the extra food costs because that stuff went off whilst you were away etc, you do not have time to get the cheapest option.

And finally, if this wealthy relative pops her clogs, it may be that you will get some money from estate? Would you be worried by that?

And there is sometimes grace in accepting.

Gillianh2

RAS wrote: »

Hi

Know where you are coming from with this, but...

Your relative has seen your hard work and wants to contribute in a way that she can.

At the very least accept the cost of your effort - travel costs, the extra food costs because that stuff went off whilst you were away etc, you do not have time to get the cheapest option.

And finally, if this wealthy relative pops her clogs, it may be that you will get some money from estate? Would you be worried by that?

And there is sometimes grace in accepting.

Hi,
I agree with your Dad and all the other posters, just take the gift for that is what it is and say Thank You.
You so obvioulsy deserve it and you mustnt feel bad about it.Ask yourself how would you feel if your Aunt had decided to buy you an expensive present then would you refuse it?;) Your Aunt has obvioulsy decided that she wants to "gift" you this.

Please buy yourself something and enjoy it. You are doing a fantastic job and should be very proud of yourself. You deserve a treat.