How do I get him to leave

debjk

I have been with my partner for 6 years I have 2 teenagers from a previous and 2 little ones from this relationship I have lived in my home for 20 years first with my ex H when we split he signed over house to me so it was entirely mine 3 years ago before my little girl was born I included my partner on the mortgage we are not married I was not working as I was pregnant so he was to pay mortgage he paid mortgage for about a year he earned 25 k a year at the time out of which he paid mortgage of 500 a month and his car expenses (a car I paid for out of an inheritance) that was it I paid everything else food clothes gas electric ect ect
Dec 2006 he is caught drink driving Lies to me about where he is basically he was sacked from his job for turning up half cut then drove home stopping for yet more drink he was 2 half times over the limit so no job no car he starts paying mortage with cc takes his benefits and p***** them up the wall. gets the odd temp job I carry on paying all bills from tax credits child benefit and money from my ex. Next we start getting constant calls from creditors turns out he was using cc for everything and is now 18k in debt and no job to pay we then took a 6 month payment holiday on mortgage. I have asked him several times to leave but he will not go saying he will not leave his kids the only reedeeming feature is now his dole is paid into my account but that is only because his account was closed due to it being 2800 into an overdraft he can never pay backhe does favours for people and in turn he gets drink. He is in the pub yet again and will probably come home drunk then sleep all afternoon
I am just sick of him but he will not go do not know how to go about it. If he was beating me up I could get him taken out of the home but as he is not I cannot do a thing
I just cannot cope anymore I am sitting here in tears because I know it is the end but I just dont know how to do it. will I lose the home I have lived in for 20 years just because I stupidly added him to the mortgage and how the hell can I get him to leave

hobo28

Hi Debjk

Sorry to hear about your situation. It does sound like he's depressed/alcholic or both. Has he been to seek medical help?

Can't think of anything which will help on the house front. I assume his name is on the deed as well as the mortgage?

lawlorlane

Hi DEBJK,

The best thing to do is make an appointment with your local Citizens Advice people. They will be able to help you on where you stand with the house and also a way of getting him out, if thats possible!
I am not sure how this stands from other police forces over the county but the MET police (London) removed my EX partner from OUR property twice because he was under the influence of Alchohol and was causing me distress, not physically but mentally............. He was talking loud, almost shouting (not angrilly) and my son was getting upset (2yrs old at the time) and i'd had enough, i phoned the local station and explained that he was very drunk and my son and me were getting upset as he could be unpredictable. They said they would send an officer round, which they did but my EX saw it as a threat and starting getting angry, shouting and swearing so was arrested for being drunk and disorderly. This happened twice, on the second time they kept him in til 7am, he came home, packed his bags and i never heard from him again!!!!
This obviously will not work for everyone or maybe not anyone else but it got me out of a 3 year situation.
I went to see Citizens advice and got lots of help from them.
Sorry to babble on - feel free to private message me.

harrassedmum

You are in a terrible situation and I can really empathise with you. First thing you need to do is get a good solicior who deals with family issues. I am sure you would qualify for legal aid and your first appointment will be free. There are ways to remove him from the house legally, the solicitor will advise you of the process. You also need to make an immediate appointment at your local CAB who will give good advice on any financial matters and speak on your behalf to creditors on your behalf. I am sure that once you are getting support from a solicitor and CAB, you will start to feel much better and more in control of your situation. You need to start all the above as soon as you can. I wish you luck, as above feel free to private message me as I really do know the situation and how you feel. Stay strong and start to take control.

softwaremad

with my oh when he was passed out drunk i nabbed the keys so he couldnt come back - his parents took him in as he was over the top drinkng and being ageneral n*b through the booze. i packed his bags and chucked them out the front door waited for him to try and bring them back in and locked the monster out

problem sorted. any trouble then the police would have taken him away, have same problem here with the mortgage thing i know i have to work & earn enough for 3 months before i can get him taken off of everything.

ii did get benefit whilst he was living in the house mind as we had split he was in the spare room. so they do alo help out with the interet on the mortgage so you can try and keep the house
hope this helps a little

jagbeth1

domestic incidents which can quite clearly involve, matters of Sexual, Physical, Emotional and Financial

the above is the guidelines by which police forces define domestic abuse and from what you have said I would say that your situation quite clearly is covered by this

If he turns up at the house drunk and you are there with your young children I would suggest that you ring your local police force on 999.
He should not be allowed to treat you, your home or your family in this manner
I cannot offer any advice on the practical matters re the house, would suggest CAB for this - would say that if you have had the house for 20 yrs and he has only been on the mortgage for 3 yrs that you are in a strong position

Hope you are all ok

mjburton

999 is an emergency number - ie lifethreatening or serious crime in progress, it is NEVER for getting the police to come and deal with someone who has come home drunk to laze away on the settee! Please do not phone 999 in a situation such as this as it is not (currently) a dangerous situation.

Indeed it is not right that he is treating you in this way but there are correct ways to resolve the situation. I agree with the previous posts, go to see the citizens advice people, find a family solicitor etc.

Domestic abuse does include financial and emotional abuse, in which case contact your local police on the non-emergency number which will be in the phone book or could be found on the internet and ask to speak to their domestic abuse team. But to be honest this does not sound like domestic abuse to me, it is a very unpleasant situation that needs sorting in the suitable manner.

I hope you get things resolved soon. I wish you well.