Elderly relative in hospital and the way forward

Burlesque_Babe

hi - any advice I can pass on to my parents would be greatly appreciated.

My Nan was taken into hospital following a fall 3 days ago - her neighbours calle the police as she wasn't answering the door. She is 83 this year and has sadly started to become quite mentally frail. My mum went into the house after she was admitted to find 65 bottles of long life milk hidden away, 2 black bin liners of glass milk bottles wrapped in newspaper, unwashed bed linen in her room but packets and packets of new bedding unopened in another bedroom, no hot water and threadbare carpet (amongst other things)

She often also thinks her Mum is alive - she died 12 years ago.

She is very, very stubborn and refuses all help from absolutely everyone. My mum has found an emergency pendant in the house, still in the packet, nobody knows who gave it to her and when - so asking her to wear one of those is obviously not going to get a nod of approval.

Fortunately, she made her accounts joint with my Dad recently (it is his Mum) and they are going to buy a replacement carpet and buy a new boiler as she refuses point blank to get any hot water for when she comes home. The house is awful and my Mum has been cleaning it over the last couple of days but it needs hot water to really get it clean - Nan is also a smoker and never, ever opens the windows apparently.

She is having some scans today but is confused about where she is and at the moment, she can't return home to the house the state it is in. My mum has said she will need some respite care at the very least if the hospital decide to discharge her (no broken bones) whilst the house is cleaned and got back together again.

The house is hers - all paid for. She refuses to sign it over to my Dad to make it secure if she has to go into a home.

What I'm looking for advice on is - if she does go into respite care and then doesn't return home for whatever reason - what is the 'protocol' for the paying for a nursing home? Is it a case of using her savings and then selling the house? Can social services 'take over' the management of her money without her permission?

We have a very small family - my Dad is an only child and she only has 1 sister. My Dad works 3am - 3pm 6 days a week and then evenings (he is a milkman) and my Mum works shifts at the weekends and also during the week so it would be impossible for her to live with them - the chances are she would just leave!

The family are trying to look at the best way forward and just taking it day by day. I've given them the local details of a partnership organisation they can contact as well as WarmFront for the local area.

It is all just a bid sad really and I think my Dad is a bit scared about what the future holds for her

Any advice would be gratefully received.

smileykylie_2

You must get your mum and dad to ask the nurses to refer your grandmother to the hospital social worker. asap. They will be the ones who can assess the situation and who will access any services (including respite) for your grandmother. At the very least let the nurses know of the situation so she is not discharged unsafely.
If she is not normally confused she may have an infection. Unfortunately many older people are very set in their ways and reluctant to change. There are new laws regarding assessing someone's capacity to make their own decisions and this will need to be looked at. People are allowed to make decisions that others may think are unwise, but she will need to show she understands the risks involved in her decisions and that she can remember information.
In regard to her property, if she does not return and goes in to full time care she will eventually be expected to sell it and fund her care, unless others (ie your family) are able to pay her fees to preserve her house.
Please see a social worker asap.

smileykylie_2

PS make sure your grandmother gets a continuing care assessment as should she need full time care she may be entitled to have all of it funded by the NHS (therby preserving her money and house). Although it may be difficult to get this funding it is EVERY PATIENTS RIGHT to have this assessment whilst in hospital.

hope this helps.

RAMBLER

Hi

My thoughts are with you. The two previous people have given excellent advice. Get the hospital social worker in, and do not let them discharge her until you are happy with your nan. If they try, you say you are not happy and it would be an "unsafe discharge" they can not do this, and a full investigation has to take place, this will give you time to get things sorted or get other people involved. Do not let them rush you or push you around. As you them your nan is one more patient, but to you she is precious, (that is how it comes over)

anguk

The same thing happened to my Nan last year, she is 89. She had started to be a bit "mentally fragile" for a while and my uncle (her only surviving child) arranged for someone to go every morning and evening to check she was okay as sometimes he couldn't be there. We knew that it was only going to be a matter of time before she needed full-time care and my Nan was not happy about that at all. In the end she did agree to go for respite care every now and then when my uncle had to work away because he was so worried about her. Unfortunately last year she had a fall and ended up in hospital, we knew then that she had to go in a care home but she resisted. In the end the doctor told her that she wouldn't be able to live alone because he was worried incase she had another fall, luckily my Nan is old-fashioned and has a great respect for doctors and will always follow doctors orders so she agreed to go into a care home.

As she owned her own house she has to pay for her care, unfortunately the house is still on the market after a year so her savings have all been used up and my uncle is now paying for her care. I think he gets back what he's paid when the house sells but care home fees are not cheap!

Burlesque_Babe

thank you all for your kind and supportive words.

I used to work at a hospital and have told my mum to ask to see the Trust social worker.

They were giving her a CAT and CT (chest and head) scan yesterday so I guess the oucome of that will determine her treatment.

Thankyou for the advise about a continuing care assessment - i'll pass the information on. Sadly, I'm at the other end of the country but trying to help in whatever way I can do.

Thank you again.

sloughflint

anguk wrote: »

As she owned her own house she has to pay for her care, unfortunately the house is still on the market after a year so her savings have all been used up and my uncle is now paying for her care. I think he gets back what he's paid when the house sells but care home fees are not cheap!

Couldn't a charge be placed on the house instead rather than your uncle paying? I've no experience of this but just have heard of it. It's lucky your uncle can afford to help out.

anguk

sloughflint wrote: »

Couldn't a charge be placed on the house instead rather than your uncle paying? I've no experience of this but just have heard of it. It's lucky your uncle can afford to help out.

I had wondered this too but my Uncle has said he would rather just pay it and get the money back when the house is sold. I think he feels that as it's his Mum it's his responsibility to take care of her, luckily he has a very good job so is able to pay the fees.