how depressing...

jessicad_2

I should be ecstatic at the moment, my wonderful OH of 6 years proposed this weekend, which was amazing and of course I said yes.

However, it is likely to take 4-5 years for me to pay off my debts before I can even begin to think about saving anything towards a wedding, and I do have to clear these debts before spending anything more as I don't ever want to end up in this situation again.

So although its fantastic to be asked, I just can't imagine that we will ever actually be able to afford to get married and have the day we would like. I appreciate that weddings can be done cost-efficiently, but it seems the average cost of a wedding these days is around £17k. I'm sure we could do it much cheaper than that but I can't afford to save anything at all at the moment.

I'd really be interested to know what other people's experiences of planning a wedding and costs have been as it seem everything is so extortionately priced obviously it must require some creativity to do things affordably.

well its my own bed I have to lie in it, but just having a moan really.
thanks for reading
xx

Sea78

Hi

Don't despair- there are LOADS of things you can do to slash the costs of weddings - there are lots of threads over on the special occasions board about this too.

Also you could join in some of the money raising challenges (like the £10 a day challenge) to try to help clear the debt more quickly. It can seem overwhelming, but you can do this and you will do!!

Sea xx

cat4772

jessicad

Congratulations on your engagement.

When I maried Wayne 10 years ago, we had originally hoped to marry abroad (St Lucia), then have a week in Fiji and a week in Jamaica / Barbados; thankfully we didn't get the 11K loan we needed to fund this trip!

Instead, we married in the register office with our immediate family and a couple of friends, and had a party at home / in the local pub. My dress was home made (and finished off by my lovely mum), his suit was in the January sales 80% off. Altogether I think we spend £500 on the day, including alcohol, food, transport and clothes. The we had a fortnight in Santorini (another £500) and fell in love with the Island.

There are no right or wrong general wedding plans - just what's right for you and your fiance. Whatever you decide to do, I'm sure it will be a lovely day.

Cat.x

MidlandsMum

Our wedding cost us less than 1.5k. We did a register office do, which was so lovely, a reception for the special people who came to the registry office at a pub afterwards and then a do in the evening. Our parents helped out a lot too, insisting on doing the food, buying my dress and we called in favours for the cake, car and photographer.

I think too much focus is made on one day. Remember it's a marriage, not just a wedding.

We've been married 11 years in September.

OH's best friend's first marriage to a frightful attention seeker lasted 18 months. Their wedding cost 22k. Plus another 22k to get rid of her afterwards.

Just get together the people you both love and celebrate!

barnaby-bear

jessicad wrote: »

I should be ecstatic at the moment, my wonderful OH of 6 years proposed this weekend, which was amazing and of course I said yes.

However, it is likely to take 4-5 years for me to pay off my debts before I can even begin to think about saving anything towards a wedding, and I do have to clear these debts before spending anything more as I don't ever want to end up in this situation again.

So although its fantastic to be asked, I just can't imagine that we will ever actually be able to afford to get married and have the day we would like. I appreciate that weddings can be done cost-efficiently, but it seems the average cost of a wedding these days is around £17k. I'm sure we could do it much cheaper than that but I can't afford to save anything at all at the moment.

I'd really be interested to know what other people's experiences of planning a wedding and costs have been as it seem everything is so extortionately priced obviously it must require some creativity to do things affordably.

well its my own bed I have to lie in it, but just having a moan really.
thanks for reading
xx

It costs £140 to get married. A meal out afterwards for several people the same. Get married on holiday and you can do it for £500.
What you really meant was it's 4 or 5 years before I can afford a big showy £15k party for all my friends and family. Don't confuse getting married with spending huge amounts of money on a party the two aren't the same.

Persolv0

Hello and congratulations:j

What about going the way Cat mentions but budgeting to include in your budget that you will have your wedding blessed or repeating vows(whats the correct name for that)in five years and a honeymoon in Jamaica after the blessing(that way you stay out of debt:T...get married:heartsmiland have the ceremony and honeymoon in time:j

Once again congratulations to you and OH2b

andan

Congratulations. Both my brother and sister got married to their other halfs in a cheap but very special way. For gifts they either asked for money towards the wedding or for things they really needed. Family and friends helped out with certain arrangments and both dos were very special, especially because it didn't involve inviting masses of family they hadn't seen for years.

I think there is also a thread on here somewhere, where someone is getting married dfw style, you should check it out for some tips. Weddings don't cost the earth, its the extras that go with them that you can easily live without. I'm not married, but i know if i were it would be a very special but cheap affair. I want my money for my future not just for one day.

klane

Oh I'm sure you can do it for less money! You just have to work out what things you want to spend on, and what you don't mind spending less on. eg - take flowers for example - you could have silk ones, you could make your own bouquets from bought ones at the market etc. Instead of buying a £100 or way more expensive cake, don't have one, or have something else, or buy the tiers yourself from the supermarket and decorate it yourself. I'm sure friends/family would help out too. Get a friend or relative with a clean, reasonable car to do the driving - just tie some ribbon on it! For our church wedding, there was another couple getting married there before us, so the minister arranged for the church ladies to do the flowers (much cheaper than the florist) and us two couples split the cost of them. You can make your own invites and all sorts. I loved planning our wedding, but we didn't have tons of money to throw at it either. It was part of the fun being eventive and creative. I bought my dress in a department store sale and got it brand new for over 70% off and loved it. Monsoon used to do lovely bridal style dresses for £100 for a high street tip. There are loads of wedding sales! I think I bought the tiara I wore for about £10 from a local lady who made them (£80 in most shops). Plus, you might find that married friends still have some things you can borrow! And I've even seen a veil up on freecycle before! Don't feel you can't have a wedding... I'm sure there's lots of folks here who can come up with good suggestions along the way for you.

Visit the forums on the Confetti website - https://www.confetti.co.uk - don't stray into the online shop!! It's not the cheapest source of things around (not bad in the sale though, good for ideas otherwise). The site has tons of wedding info on it, but the forums were invaluable when I got married (4 years ago). It's full of folks doing the same thing as you, all answering eachothers questions with great tips. There's also a for sale board there in the forum from posters selling off bits after their own weddings. Also, we were engaged for 13 months before our wedding, so I spread out buying things - something each month etc. That was fun too, watching everything collect up. Plus it meant we were able to manage/budget easier.

Congratulations!!

tesuhoha

Well I dont see the necessity of a big do. Its all right if you can afford it but if you can't and want marriage rather than a wedding then you can just do it. We got married in a register office with two witnesses (my brother & sister in law sworn to secrecy). I wore a suit that I already had for work and my OH old but smart clothes. My sister in law arrived with a couple of flowers for our buttonholes. We went for a pub lunch afterwards the four of us and that was it, no honeymoon, nothing else.

We upset our parents but they got over it in time and there was a lot of water under the bridge with them anyway. My mother-in-law bought us a chopping board and my mother a dinner service. The other inlaws I can't remember what they bought. They were our only presents. 26 years later we are still married.

I'm not recommending that you do this but if you do want to be married then I suppose Im saying that you can do it your way on the cheap and it doesnt really matter about upsetting people. They might be relieved. We've been invited to a family wedding in July, my nephew and its going to cost us a fortune. We all need a new outfit and they want money for their honeymoon so we have to decide how much money is acceptable to give them. I could do without it as we are trying to pay off our debts. I sound really miserable and mean I know but we've been in debt for so long now I just want to be free of them and nothing else seems to matter.

Anyway good luck and you will find a way round this if you really want to.

jessicad_2

barnaby-bear wrote: »

It costs £140 to get married. A meal out afterwards for several people the same. Get married on holiday and you can do it for £500.
What you really meant was it's 4 or 5 years before I can afford a big showy £15k party for all my friends and family. Don't confuse getting married with spending huge amounts of money on a party the two aren't the same.

Thank you I appreciate your point, and yes I understand that the marriage itself is not expensive, its the surrounding pomp and circumstance which boosts up the expenditure which you don't have to have, especially if you can't afford it - like me.

My OH and I have been together for 6 years, I am nearly 30yrs he is 35yrs, neither of us are young or naive, and we both understand that marriage is about the rest of your lives and it really is about the couple involved. Both of us have seen our parents go through divorces (twice for each of my parents), so this isn't something we would enter into lightly.

Being married is an important step for us, we have plans for how our future will pan out together, for instance we intend to emigrate in 7 years time. So I do feel we understand what marriage entails and its not just about the day and having a party.

However I intend to only do this once, and I would like to share the day with our closest friends and family, and unfortunately or fortunately we both have large families!! I want to have a lovely day, wear a gorgeous dress and make a bit of a fuss - I am quite girlie like that.

So I appreciate that it can be done cheaply, and yes you are right that I what I mean is that it is likely to take 4-5 years before we can save for a wedding and then probably another 2 years after that before we actually have the money. (And I am not thinking about spending £15k to impress my friends and family, as I would like to keep the whole thing under £5k which is still a lot of money.)

So I'm just having a moan that it will still take quite a bit of time before we can do things the way we would like to, even though it isn't likely to be a huge extravagant affair, but I am not in anyway confusing this with what marriage is actually about. If I hadn't got myself into this stupid situation in the first place things would be much easier but hey hum!

devonsdreamer

Congratulations- I wish to echo others comments that it is possible to do it all on a small budget. I got married 9 years ago for under 2k with a all inclusive honeymoon in alcudia too. We had a registry office ceremony, a party afterwards, family helped with the buffet food we were driven in a friends classic rolls royce (for free) I had my dress made by a local dressmaker (cost about £250) was excatly what I wanted and fit perfectly. It was a wonderful day and couldnt have been more enjoyable.

Good luck with all your planning