feeling really down-seem to be working againt husband.

thepinkladez_2

just wanted to get a bit of perspective as feeling extremely low and just don't know what to do.

the majority of our debt is due to my husbands love of cars/racing etc, but the rest is due to me losing my job and not budgetting very well at all! (don't want to sound like i do not have any blame!)

we are just setting up a dmp with cccs and i have been feeling really positive that we are sorting everything, as i deal with most of the finances as dh works away alot so i was getting all the usual stressful cals letters etc.
i have also been working 4/5 evenings a week and using the extra money to clear some debts before dmp starts so i thought finally we were getting sorted.... wrong.....:mad:

last week i accidently opened a bank statement for my dh (i usually open all mail except the bank statements)and was suprised to see there was nearly a £1000 sitting in it! i assumed maybe he had been putting money away as savings or maybe to pay off some debt so was pretty pleased.:j when i told dh about it, to my shock he told me it was money for him!:eek: i was livid to say the least!

then yesturday at sunday lunch his mum let it slip that he has bought another car! so i had no choice but to ask him there and then if it was true and it was. i feel humiliated that he lied to me and that he had told his parents not me! his parents couldn't understand what the big issue was as they have no idea the extent of our debt (but i really wanted to tell them -petty i know!) i am at my wits end as it just doesn't seem to be sinking in that we are in trouble. i have threatened to leave before years ago when his cars took over everything but he promised to get it under control but it seems to be happening again.

i love my dh dearly and i don't want to leave but i just don't know how to get it through to him how serious our debt has become. i dont know if i can keep on chipping away at the debt when i dont know if he will suddenly buy yet another bit of c**p! i desperatly want more children but this isnt even an option to we reduce our debt as i cant give up work.

sorry i am going on but i just feel so lost and fustrated.

hypno06

blimey. I don't know what to say that is constructive, but you must be feeling absolutely deflated right now.

virtual hugs coming your way, and I hope you can get things sorted soon.

thepinkladez_2

thank you for the hugs i really need them.

you hit the nail right on the head, deflated, thats the word i was looking for!

louisiannie

Just wanted to empathise with your situation, and send you some thoughts. How it is to work to change things and yet come up against such situations as you have. Frustrating.
Stay strong, remain positive.
I trust you find a way to help your husband 'see the light'.

Maz

Selfish git! Think you should let his Mum know the true scenario then maybe she'll have a go at him. If nothing else, at least you know that they are aware and may not be quite so supportive of any future purchases of rusty old c**p!

barnaby-bear

thepinkladez wrote: »

then yesturday at sunday lunch his mum let it slip that he has bought another car! so i had no choice but to ask him there and then if it was true and it was. i feel humiliated that he lied to me and that he had told his parents not me!

i desperatly want more children but this isnt even an option to we reduce our debt as i cant give up work.

How humiliating, that's really poor behaviour. You obviously have kids too and debts, yes lots of toys are nice but when you have a family to support and debts there are other priorities.

barnaby-bear

Maz wrote: »

Selfish git! Think you should let his Mum know the true scenario then maybe she'll have a go at him. If nothing else, at least you know that they are aware and may not be quite so supportive of any future purchases of rusty old c**p!

and what she said

Bismarck

Right,

He's not had his lightbulb moment yet or if he has he's covered it over and is spending while he can before the big freeze...he'll probably say it was just one last car or something like that before the fun stops.

He needs a short sharp shock.

WE owe £xxxxK
WHERE IS IT GOING TO COME FROM ?
IF WE DON'T PAY THERE WILL BE NO HOUSE AND WE WILL LOSE EVERYTHING INCLUDING YOUR S*DDING CARS
YOU ARE NOT HERE TO TAKE THE GROTTY PHONE CALLS AND DEAL WITH THE MESS. TELL YOU WHAT I'LL GIVE ANY CALLERS YOUR MOBILE AND WORK NUMBER TO CALL. OK?
YOU ARE BEING UNREASONABLE AND SELFISH
I DIDN'T SIGN UP FOR THIS

Sorry you have this to deal with, it needs to be a team effort.

hope whatever you say works

taplady

Hi!
I really feel for you, he sounds like a right selfish git:mad: keeping all that money to himself while you work extra hours to try and get straight!
Maybe if his family knew about the debt they might support you and help him to see how unreasonable he's being. You shouldn't have to carry all the responsibility your self.
(((hugs))) from me, I hope he sees the error of his ways soon!

immoral_angeluk

Are you both going to be named on the DMP? If so then his savings and assets will have to be mentioned (including his cars).

floss2

Are the debts in your name, his name or joint names? Where did this £1000 come from? Where did the money to buy the latest car come from?

You can't really force anyone else to have their light bulb moment, and it sounds as if your OH hasn't yet had his.

The only thing I can suggest is to put it down in black & white exactly how much you owe to everyone, and point out that if he carries on you will run a great risk of losing everything, including his cars & your home.

Maybe be needs a short sharp shock, such as reading the letters that arrive & the paperwork from CCCS regarding the DMP. Sometimes letting him open all the post could do the trick

BTW, don't fall into the pettiness of telling on him to his parents - they may lose all respect for you & blame you for the mess their son is in. Better to let them find out from him & then realise that you are trying to sort it out. Makes you look like the golden DiL!