Broke up with fella, then spent too much really

Butterfliesarepretty

I broke up with my boyfriend at weekend, felt pretty low, he is down with his finances, hardly confides in me, and his uncle died also. This has happened before, he shuts me out when he has problems every time. We have been going out more than two years. He is 56 I am 40. I have put a thread on here before about my problems with him. I try to help him but he keeps me at a distance, even his daughter agrees with me, she texted me saying 'I agree my dad has not been himself for a long time now. I know he wants to downsize his house in the future but think that needs to be something he decides himself when he is ready. He worries a lot about his health which makes it harder.' He is a self emp fin advisor and has some high blood pressure which is controlled and he goes to gym, so pretty healthy. I have mentioned to him that I would like to live together in the future and i think I have scared him off. So I had to break it off because at the moment he treats me like a mate rather than a girlfriend. he has not stayed at mine for six months, I have to remind him to hold my hand or cuddle me. Yet he still says he loves me in cards.

Anyway my daughter is here with me for the week since monday, so spent £18 for museum in manchester, £10 for food, then £40 today for three tops for me, £20 nintendo ds game for her, £16 on two cds in sale at hmv, £50 last sunday to cheer myself up with some new gym stuff (they were bargains! from sportsworld). And on sunday we will be going to chester zoo so more money.:eek: I know most of it I have spent on food for my daughter etc, but I felt I needed a treat. I never go out for a drink to a bar anymore and try not to spend. Its only when I enjoy myself with my daughter that I think sod it for one month I am allowed to treat myself and have fun. :T Also my daughter being here (she is 9) she keeps me happy and my mind off my boyfriend. Has anyone else felt like this after a relationship break-up?

Alikay

Sorry you're having such a bad time. Naturally you can't continue to splash out on treats to cheer yourself up, but don't beat yourself up about falling off the MSE wagon this week! At least you've spent the cash on positive uplifting things that don't cost an absolute fortune, rather than designer shoes and vodka!

Chocolate and watching girly films might help, as will putting on your new gym gear and going for a bit of exercise.

((hugs))

dearbarbie

^^ I agree - sorry to hear you're feeling down. We all need to treat ourselves now and again, and sounds like you deserve it. I'm the same, I feel guilty for it, but think how much you appreciate it now compared to before you were on MSE!

Butterfliesarepretty

I always do buy things I need and like music that will cheer me up. I am not into designer clothes or jewellery or anything electronic. Funnily enough I will be leaving work soon with a good package so can pay my little debts off.

At weekend though I was down until my daughter arrived and she cheered me up no end. Last time we broke up I chased him after a few weeks to try and sort things out, I won't be doing that this time, I say if he really still wants to be with me, he can do the running. Although I doubt as sometimes he just carries on with his life. Eg friday he said he was too tired to ring me, yet on the saturday he was not too tired to attend football at mcr united at 5pm and then go out with his mate for his birthday. He said it was not because of me he was down, but yet he says he is not good company, and it always seems to be me he is not good company with, yet when he is with his mum, or his kids (who are in their 20's) he is fine with them. So I would rather he say before that he does not feel same with me and broke it off then. Is it male ego that stops some men telling the absolute facts to their mum, children or other relations, because I had to tell his daughter why I could not attend her birthday meal (because I felt he would have just said I was not well) when they asked where I was.

He did say thankyou by text to me for telling his daughter why I was not going to the meal. I am confused.

I thought that being in a relationship meant that you shared lots more than just the odd night out, or stayover at his house. We went on holiday to portugal the first year and had a weekend away, we have had no holiday since 2006. I still feel like I need a holiday either with my daughter or by myself (which I used to do when I was alone). But am not sure I want to be alone anymore.

bringmeshoes

hugs for you, it's never easy having a relationship break up, especially if you still have feelings for your ex partner.
when i broke up with my ex i called my friend and we decided to go on holiday, this was the best thing i could have done, i had a bit of a holiday fling with an english barman working out there, i was 25 he was 19 & i knew it was only for the hol and although i by no means planned it, it gave me back some confidence that had been sapped away form my relationship and it was nice to have some nice attention for a change. while i am by no means saying you should go and have aholiday fling, a few days away somewhere may give you the time to think things through objectivley and decide whats you really want to do

Butterfliesarepretty

I could go on holiday at end of may, but my friend lives in newcastle and she is in debt up to her eyes, I have not got a friend really who I can go for a drink with here. Although I guess I will not feel like it for a while. I think the actual break up will hit me when I take my daughter back to her dad tomorrow and I get home and there is just my cat and a quiet house. At the moment I am ok. I sometimes think that after being divorced for seven years now, I am not meant to share my life with someone. Its the first time I have ever felt I could settle down with someone. Sometimes feel like I am left on the shelf!

Nicifer_noonoo

Poor you I did the same thing when my ex left me, the same day I told him I was pregnant. I thought he was going to propose on holiday and didn't, so when he said he was leaving I went and bought a bigger, more expensive ring than he could ever have afforded, haha. Don't beat yourself up, it's understandable - just get right back on the wagon Perhaps you could plan a moneysaving cheer up night...you know, scented candles, long hot bath, some chocolate from Home Bargains Always works for me.

Butterfliesarepretty

Yes thanks I try to have a cheer up night every week. I used to get a soppy film and have a cry it works wonders for my emotions. Off to chester zoo tomorrow with my daughter and then I just drop her off home as to in the village nearby than make my way back to Bury. Some men just do not know how to explain themselves.