CSA when a father is not listed on a birth certificate?

SuziQ

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Well count yourself lucky that your ex does want involvement Suzy....some PWC aren't as lucky as you. If the OP's ex has never taken an interest, then gets Parental Rights and Resp, what right has he to start throwing his weight about for anything?

My ex made it crystal clear he wanted nothing to do with my baby so if putting his name on the cert would have gave him r&r then no, I would not have done it. Things aren't always black and white unfortunately. Yes it's his child too - someone should perhaps bloody tell him that eh?

The courts are not stupid.They won't necessarily give parental rights and responsibilities to someone with no active involvement-the guidance the courts take on this has already been posted in this thread.
If a parent is actively involved with his child then if the parents disagree re schooling etc the courts will of course take his wishes into consideration.
If an uninolved parent tries to 'put a spanner in the works' the courts will not look favourably on his requests as he is not actively involved-unless of course the courts feel that the NRP actaully has a point and their wishes are best for the child in the courts opinion! An example of this is in our situation: my second husband was been denied all contact with his 2 boys for 5 years,it doesn't mean he has stopped caring. His ex tried to change the children's surnames to her new husbands,my husband quite rightly objected as it is the only albeit tenuous link with their paternal family. The judge took 3 minutes to decide what she was doing was NOT in the children's best interests and threw it out-there had already been a precedent set re this some years ago.
I have had to bully my first ex into seeing his children regularly,and I think my persistance has paid off over the last 10 years-my kids will know I have always put my own feelings to one side in order to allow them the natural relationship any child is entitled to with their parents. A man who is absolutely not bothered will not cooperate,and eventually a mum in that situation will quite rightly give up.My second husband desperately wanted to stay involved with his eldest boys but his ex remarried,'replaced' him with her new husband and alienated the kids against him. As soon as she had her residency order they moved hundreds of miles away,no contact for over 5 years (although as I posted soewhere else last night,his eldest son and my eldest daughter have just started to commuicate through facebook.)
These situations are always complicated,very personal and different,but one thing I have always done is examine my own concience and motives when dealing with my ex-I always try to look at the best interests of my children,and although both my husbands turned out to be not great husband material for reasons I won't bore you with(I'm sure they would likewise say I was a lousy wife but great mum!),they are both,in teir own way,decent fathers with something to offer their children that I cannot as a mother.

jennii51

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

Just a word of caution though Jen

You get him on the birth certificate and as your son was born in 2004 then he will automatically get Parental Rights and Responsibilites which means he has a say in his schools and healthcare and things like that. He could also stop you taking him out the country, even for a holiday, if he really wanted to.

I don't have that as my daughter was born in 2001 and the law for unmarried parents wasn't in force then or to be honest I wouldn't have done it.

Something to think about

thats not a prob i dont think he even cares if we move to another country anyway. thats not gonna be a problem. thanks anyhow

tonycree

it is suprising what a mother has on her mind...
and how long she can keep it there...
and how much damage she is prepared to do with it...
new or otherwise...
take it from one who was screwed and is still being persued by the csa...
despite our daughter being 20, working f/t, living with her b/friend+ parents...
T.

SuziQ

tonycree wrote: »

it is suprising what a mother has on her mind...
and how long she can keep it there...
and how much damage she is prepared to do with it...
new or otherwise...
take it from one who was screwed and is still being persued by the csa...
despite our daughter being 20, working f/t, living with her b/friend+ parents...
T.

Ah,but it's not just mothers you know!
There are plenty of women who have been at the recieving end of bitter fathers who kept the children-granted there are more mothers,as Courts have traditionally given residency to mothers in more cases,although this is changing slowly.

There are also women like me-who don't get maintenance,whose ex tells the children he is going abroad-again-and te he-mummy is paying for it,but who still refrain from saying bad stuff about the ex and allow-even encourage, contact. I know I am not unique,as I have several friends who are in the same position who also bend over backwards to retain a loving relationship between their children and the NRP.

tonycree

hi suzyq...
sorry, it's not a go at all mothers,
just some...
a lot have had to put up with hell,
some have had the time of the lives;
thanks to the csa...
a !!!!-up from start to finish....
I sympathise with the women who , unfortunately.,
got mixed up with wrong 'uns...
but there are some who have pulled the plug on the relationships
and expect to live a life of riley after...
that should be seen as wrong!!
and not pandered to...
T.

soulwhispers

My stepson has a child who is nearly 3.The mother and him broke up and she is refusing him access to see his son.The CSA are now saying he has to pay £302 each month out of his wages till april 2010.He works in a burgher house and is on minimum wages.She did not put his name on the birth certficate.He has tried a solicitor who messed him about and now cannot afford the DNA test or a solicitor.He is in deep depression because he moved back to where his son is and badly wants to see him.He even said he would see him while be supervised etc,he sent this message through his cousin ,th emother gave an address and phone number which was false.Surely he is entitiled to see his son if he is paying this money/Please help as me and his dad are very concerned about him.

Zara33

soulwhispers wrote: »

My stepson has a child who is nearly 3.The mother and him broke up and she is refusing him access to see his son.The CSA are now saying he has to pay £302 each month out of his wages till april 2010.He works in a burgher house and is on minimum wages.She did not put his name on the birth certficate.He has tried a solicitor who messed him about and now cannot afford the DNA test or a solicitor.He is in deep depression because he moved back to where his son is and badly wants to see him.He even said he would see him while be supervised etc,he sent this message through his cousin ,th emother gave an address and phone number which was false.Surely he is entitiled to see his son if he is paying this money/Please help as me and his dad are very concerned about him.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news but child support and contact are two seperate issues, he isn't entitled.

Can i ask why he was trying to persue a DNA test? is there a dispute over paternity on his behalf? Or was that to get his name on the birth certificate?

soulwhispers

Hi Zara...He wants a DNA test to prove that he is the father,so she can no longer refuse him access,because at the moment they only have his word about him being the father as he is not on the certificate.No one seems to want to help him without proof.

thatsyourlot

my sons father is not named on the birth certificate & although it took me almost 12 years (yes u read that correctly) I now get maintenance for my son.

Though I have to say, that this is done via attachment of earnings coz he still tried to wriggle out of paying...gggrrr

Just to add also... I had to go through all the DNA testing malarky too when my son was little... It was very distressing for me & my son but we realised that this was yet another delay tactic from my ex to try get out of paying anything

crownjules30

Hi i was looking for some advice please? My partner has a son (not with me) he has court on fri to get him longer hours with him. before he was seeing his son these were the hours he had him! going form an hour to 2 hours every 2nd sat afternoon, my parther has asked his solicitor for longer hours 11am -7pm but she has said no to these hours and said 12pm -5pm which sounds ok but now she is taking my partner for CSA. and moaning about him buying his son games for his xbox when the money could be spent on clothes and food! when he seen him for an hour it was at a centre for parents he asked his ex what size of clothes he is and she said she doesnt want anything from him! now she moaning about it!! also he is not on the birth cert she went and reg the baby without letting him know and also said she would get more money if father name not on the birth cert. so i was just wanting some info, my partner is really worried about it. any info will be great. thank you