Hi Dinah, thanks for your post, that has really helped me today as I'm having a bit of a downer.
It's not owing the money so much as the grinding feeling of having to watch every single penny, and then being cross with yourself when you buy something unnecessary.
Plus I have sooo much uni work to do at the moment and I really can't seem to get started on it, it's stressing me out!!
Sometimes I feel like I've failed compared to my schoolfriends - I see them on Facebook and they are all homeowners and married with great careers (like Doctors etc). And yet here I am, late 20s, living in someone else's home, 35k in debt and back at uni again, trying to get my career sorted.:( I mean, I can't even drive yet, it's pathetic frankly.
It's hard because I used to be so independent, and now I have to lean on my other half in terms of rent whilst I get my life in order again. Kind though that is of him, I really miss my space sometimes, and whilst I have no ring on my finger (!) I feel no security whatsoever - he'd be quite within his rights to chuck me out tomorrow, and I'd be stuffed. And trust me ladies - they'll be no ring coming for quite some time yet.
And it's all my own fault - that's what's so irritating. If I hadn't spent so much on bloody shoes and taxis then I'd probably have my own little flat right now. If I could meet my past self, I'd give her a big slap!
I like to read through the other posts to cheer me up. It gives me encouragement and helps me realise that I'm not alone - there are even some people with bigger debts than me on here, though it doesn't always feel like it! Us long-termers need to stick together!
I'm not in Uni tomorrow (all classes have been cancelled), so hopefully I'll have my first No Spend Day of February.
And of course I get to play in the lovely snow again! Today I made a Snow Cat, he is guarding the front lawn for me.
Take a step back and ask why you are measuring yourself to what others have achieved? Debt aside, are you happy with where you are at? If you are then it doesn't matter if they have a house and 2.4 kids and a dog or whatever, you'll get there in your own time, and the experience will be no worse for being a few years later, and because you'll be in a better position financially you may well be able to enjoy it more. I wouldn't want to be a doctor - hours are too long and I'd have no time for my own interests and with my family. If you are not happy with how things are now, think of the steps you could take to improve things. I think you may already be working on this in one area of your life at least with going back to uni.
I always try to take the attitude that I will never get a second chance at today, so I want to make it the best I can, and go into every day with the attitude that I won't have any regrets. This has made me very, very determined, and I'm a lot happier too.
Don't beat yourself up over the odd couple of pounds spent, you need a few little treats to keep going, and you're focussed on making it long term, not a short sharp stab at it before blowing out entirely.
D x
Debt January 1st 2018 £96,999.81 Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
Thank you for your kind words Dinah - can you please be my Debt mentor?!:D
I'm feeling a bit crappy right now because I've agreed to meet up with some friends next week who are the ones I always feel envious of. Actually, one of them is lovely, but the other one is the girl I always had self-esteem issues around when I was a teenage girl. She's absolutely beautiful and skinny as a rake.
It's not her fault, it's all in my own head, but that's why I have avoided her for so many years. I live quite close-by, so in the end I simply ran out of excuses as to why I couldn't meet up.:o I am praying that the 'nice' girl comes, but that the other one doesn't turn up. She hasn't been in touch for years anyway, so I don't really see why she would want to still be friends with me.
Anyway - I was laid in bed fretting about it last night, thinking about all the things I could do in a week to make my appearance better, ie get my haircut, get some gel nails put on....going on a crash diet to shift a couple of pounds etc. I was/am even considering getting the old CC out to pay for these things.
Hah, it's truly sad. I'm only size 12, fairly attractive girl but I've never been that confident with my looks, now all my old insecurities appear to have risen to the surface in their ugliest forms. It's giving me a huge insight into how I got into this mess in the first place.
Even if you spend the money on getting your hair done, nails etc, I bet you'll still feel not quite as good as her, it's a confidence thing not an actual 'who has the shiniest hair' competition. Is she a nice person or does she make sure everyone around her knows she's pretty, successfull and has a more interesting life than you can possibly imagine? Before you go meet her just think of all the things you do have going for you, because no one has it all, and this girl might actually need someone she doesn't know so well she can let down her act with. I have a very 'rich' friend who had an amazing job and showered his gf in gifts go bankrupt recently, and another friend from uni who was always bragging about how she'd got a proposal and was going to be this perfect wife recently came out that she'd been physically abused by her partner for years, and she was only able to talk to me after I told her about my violent ex. Now that's an extreme example, but sometimes women get too caught up trying to outdo one another and forget what an amazing source of support friends can be.
Ooooh debt mentor I like it - but isn't a mentor supposed to have her own stuff together first?!
Debt January 1st 2018 £96,999.81 Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
Ooooh debt mentor I like it - but isn't a mentor supposed to have her own stuff together first?!
You need to change your sig - 'Debt Mentor to thevinternet.';):D
With advice like that, I think you're far more together than I'll ever be!
You raise some good points. I know I'm being childish, it's just that even thinking about this girl seems to make me regress into my frumpy, nerdy teenage self again. The boys did not come a runnin', they just went runnin'. :eek:
She is a nice person, although sometimes she can be a little passive-aggressive and I think that's what makes me so defensive around her. Of course, I haven't seen her in years, so maybe she's calmed down a bit in the interim, especially now she's a new mum.
Your stories of other friends sound spot on - you never truly know what's going on in someone's life. Now why can't I find a boyf who 'showers me in gifts'. :rolleyes:
I just read through your diary, you sound very similar to me in a lot of respects. Just wanted to drop by and say helloo and I’ll be subscribing to your thread. Well done on lowering your debt thus far, that’s a great achievement. :T
I just read through your diary, you sound very similar to me in a lot of respects. Just wanted to drop by and say helloo and I’ll be subscribing to your thread. Well done on lowering your debt thus far, that’s a great achievement. :T
Thanks very much! It's nice to know I'm not alone on this epic journey!!
Also you guys can keep an eye on me and make sure I stay 'on the wagon' as far as my spending is concerned!! My past record for 'ridiculous spend' was £120 on knickers and £250 on taxis in one month!:o xx
So - I hope everyone is having a good day today. I'm just popping on here to post, then I'm going to get a coffee and I WILL do that assignment!
I noticed an amazing fact today when looking through my figures. This month, I should get under the magic number of £34,777 - which will mean I've paid over 6 grand back since I started this journey a year ago. That would mean nearly 15% of the total debt has been paid off.
I know I still owe heaps and heaps, far more than many people on here, but I would be so pleased if I could keep this rate up and pay another 6k off in the next year.
My goal is actually just to get under 30k by the end of 2009, so it's looking achievable. God I love this site - it's so inspiring!!
So on Friday I went to have my nails done and a haircut for the first time in a year!
The good:
It made me feel much better about myself and about meeting the girls on Wednesday. The bad:
It cost too much money! They only had a senior stylist available, so it cost about £45, then false nails were another £25 on top.:o I guess all the prices have gone up since the start of the old credit crunch.
The ugly:
Not me, anymore, frankly!! I look much better and I can finally say that my hair is actually in a style! The hairdresser and the nail technician did a really good job. I'm not one of those naturally pretty people, so I need a bit of maintenance now and again!
Whilst I'll have to be careful now for the rest of the month, I'm actually quite pleased I treated myself for a change. I've been feeling down for a while now, and whilst I know this wasn't the best solution for my debts, it didn't go on a CC, I did have the cash in my bank account and I feel better about facing the coming week. I'll just have to make sure I don't make a habit of it
On the plus side, today is my third No Spend Day in a week, and I'm working an extra shift this week to make up for my splurge!!
Replies
It's not owing the money so much as the grinding feeling of having to watch every single penny, and then being cross with yourself when you buy something unnecessary.
Plus I have sooo much uni work to do at the moment and I really can't seem to get started on it, it's stressing me out!!
Sometimes I feel like I've failed compared to my schoolfriends - I see them on Facebook and they are all homeowners and married with great careers (like Doctors etc). And yet here I am, late 20s, living in someone else's home, 35k in debt and back at uni again, trying to get my career sorted.:( I mean, I can't even drive yet, it's pathetic frankly.
It's hard because I used to be so independent, and now I have to lean on my other half in terms of rent whilst I get my life in order again. Kind though that is of him, I really miss my space sometimes, and whilst I have no ring on my finger (!) I feel no security whatsoever - he'd be quite within his rights to chuck me out tomorrow, and I'd be stuffed. And trust me ladies - they'll be no ring coming for quite some time yet.
And it's all my own fault - that's what's so irritating. If I hadn't spent so much on bloody shoes and taxis then I'd probably have my own little flat right now. If I could meet my past self, I'd give her a big slap!
I like to read through the other posts to cheer me up. It gives me encouragement and helps me realise that I'm not alone - there are even some people with bigger debts than me on here, though it doesn't always feel like it! Us long-termers need to stick together!
I'm not in Uni tomorrow (all classes have been cancelled), so hopefully I'll have my first No Spend Day of February.
And of course I get to play in the lovely snow again! Today I made a Snow Cat, he is guarding the front lawn for me.
xx
Take a step back and ask why you are measuring yourself to what others have achieved? Debt aside, are you happy with where you are at? If you are then it doesn't matter if they have a house and 2.4 kids and a dog or whatever, you'll get there in your own time, and the experience will be no worse for being a few years later, and because you'll be in a better position financially you may well be able to enjoy it more. I wouldn't want to be a doctor - hours are too long and I'd have no time for my own interests and with my family. If you are not happy with how things are now, think of the steps you could take to improve things. I think you may already be working on this in one area of your life at least with going back to uni.
I always try to take the attitude that I will never get a second chance at today, so I want to make it the best I can, and go into every day with the attitude that I won't have any regrets. This has made me very, very determined, and I'm a lot happier too.
Don't beat yourself up over the odd couple of pounds spent, you need a few little treats to keep going, and you're focussed on making it long term, not a short sharp stab at it before blowing out entirely.
D x
Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
I'm feeling a bit crappy right now because I've agreed to meet up with some friends next week who are the ones I always feel envious of. Actually, one of them is lovely, but the other one is the girl I always had self-esteem issues around when I was a teenage girl. She's absolutely beautiful and skinny as a rake.
It's not her fault, it's all in my own head, but that's why I have avoided her for so many years. I live quite close-by, so in the end I simply ran out of excuses as to why I couldn't meet up.:o I am praying that the 'nice' girl comes, but that the other one doesn't turn up. She hasn't been in touch for years anyway, so I don't really see why she would want to still be friends with me.
Anyway - I was laid in bed fretting about it last night, thinking about all the things I could do in a week to make my appearance better, ie get my haircut, get some gel nails put on....going on a crash diet to shift a couple of pounds etc. I was/am even considering getting the old CC out to pay for these things.
Hah, it's truly sad. I'm only size 12, fairly attractive girl but I've never been that confident with my looks, now all my old insecurities appear to have risen to the surface in their ugliest forms. It's giving me a huge insight into how I got into this mess in the first place.
Ooooh debt mentor I like it - but isn't a mentor supposed to have her own stuff together first?!
Debt September 20th 2022 £2991.68- 96.92% paid off
You need to change your sig - 'Debt Mentor to thevinternet.';):D
With advice like that, I think you're far more together than I'll ever be!
You raise some good points. I know I'm being childish, it's just that even thinking about this girl seems to make me regress into my frumpy, nerdy teenage self again. The boys did not come a runnin', they just went runnin'. :eek:
She is a nice person, although sometimes she can be a little passive-aggressive and I think that's what makes me so defensive around her. Of course, I haven't seen her in years, so maybe she's calmed down a bit in the interim, especially now she's a new mum.
Your stories of other friends sound spot on - you never truly know what's going on in someone's life. Now why can't I find a boyf who 'showers me in gifts'. :rolleyes:
xx
I just read through your diary, you sound very similar to me in a lot of respects. Just wanted to drop by and say helloo and I’ll be subscribing to your thread. Well done on lowering your debt thus far, that’s a great achievement. :T
Thanks very much! It's nice to know I'm not alone on this epic journey!!
Also you guys can keep an eye on me and make sure I stay 'on the wagon' as far as my spending is concerned!! My past record for 'ridiculous spend' was £120 on knickers and £250 on taxis in one month!:o xx
I noticed an amazing fact today when looking through my figures. This month, I should get under the magic number of £34,777 - which will mean I've paid over 6 grand back since I started this journey a year ago.
I know I still owe heaps and heaps, far more than many people on here, but I would be so pleased if I could keep this rate up and pay another 6k off in the next year.
My goal is actually just to get under 30k by the end of 2009, so it's looking achievable. God I love this site - it's so inspiring!!
Right - coffee time - that essay won't do itself.
xx
The good:
It made me feel much better about myself and about meeting the girls on Wednesday.
The bad:
It cost too much money! They only had a senior stylist available, so it cost about £45, then false nails were another £25 on top.:o I guess all the prices have gone up since the start of the old credit crunch.
The ugly:
Not me, anymore, frankly!! I look much better and I can finally say that my hair is actually in a style! The hairdresser and the nail technician did a really good job. I'm not one of those naturally pretty people, so I need a bit of maintenance now and again!
Whilst I'll have to be careful now for the rest of the month, I'm actually quite pleased I treated myself for a change. I've been feeling down for a while now, and whilst I know this wasn't the best solution for my debts, it didn't go on a CC, I did have the cash in my bank account and I feel better about facing the coming week. I'll just have to make sure I don't make a habit of it
On the plus side, today is my third No Spend Day in a week, and I'm working an extra shift this week to make up for my splurge!!
xx