Daughter's boyfriend has hung himself!

SUESMITH_2

your poor daughter, 2 of my husbands friends hung themselves 1 before and one over christmas, absolutly horrible for those left behind - can offer no other help than what has been said already

tarajayne

Today she has been very quiet, doctor was lovely but suggested not leaving on her own too much. Have had several suggestions of herbal products to help calm her so have got those, she seems to flit from one train of thought to the next. I have to admit to an immense feeling of relief though as he has threatened and attempted on one occasion to take her with him. I can't help but be cross at the police as when she dialled 999 on Friday after he threatened her she told them what he said he wanted to do and where, they drove her to the workshop and tried the door which was locked from inside but didn't force it, his van was around the corner but even though she asked them to get the key from his dad for the other door they said they would pass it on to the 7am shift, they didn't and his poor dad walked in next morning, something that will now haunt him forever. She blames herself for not making them get inside as he was in there at that point and could have still been alive.

floss2

tarajayne wrote: »

... She blames herself for not making them get inside as he was in there at that point and could have still been alive.

She must NEVER blame herself - he made the decision to do it, and if he had been found, he may well have attempted again, and even tried to take her with him.

What should be done is an official complaint lodged with the Police (with the knowledge of his family) to record any possible mistakes that were made in their conduct & actions. They will then have to investigate & respond to that.

Nobody can take the blame for this - he was an adult, and made the decision himself. He may well have been ill but she should not feel any blame or guilt because she did not find him in time to save him.

Floss x

velvetybubbles

love to you all

all the hurt and blame he has left behind

i feel for you all.
xx

Diamond78

tarajayne wrote: »

Today she has been very quiet, doctor was lovely but suggested not leaving on her own too much. Have had several suggestions of herbal products to help calm her so have got those, she seems to flit from one train of thought to the next. I have to admit to an immense feeling of relief though as he has threatened and attempted on one occasion to take her with him. I can't help but be cross at the police as when she dialled 999 on Friday after he threatened her she told them what he said he wanted to do and where, they drove her to the workshop and tried the door which was locked from inside but didn't force it, his van was around the corner but even though she asked them to get the key from his dad for the other door they said they would pass it on to the 7am shift, they didn't and his poor dad walked in next morning, something that will now haunt him forever. She blames herself for not making them get inside as he was in there at that point and could have still been alive.

Blame and guilt is part of the bereavment.It is so hard but in time she will realise, she did everything she could to help him. Once a person has decided to end their lives, one way or another they will do it.Your daughter is lucky to have a caring mother like you. You are doing fantastic by being there for her,comforting her and being a mum to her. Keep reassuring your daughter that its not her fault,she will have a mix of emotions, anger, grief, blame, hurt ect. At times she may get annoyed with you but dont take it personally, she has no one else that she can take it out on, so bear with her. I agree that yyou should log a complaint with the police, remind your daughter that she did everything she could of done. It must be so hard for you aswel to see you daughter suffer grief. Im glad you have been docs. It may help to consider counselling.She may not be ready yet but in time she will. I really hope you will get through this tough and difficult time.God bless you all xx