Husband behaving badly

quietheart

My friend has told her husband that it's over.
She doesn't work, she is a stay at home mum to 2 young kids.
He is furious. He has stopped having his salary paid into their joint account so she only has child benefit. He won't communicate with her at all.
He won't leave. She doesn't want to move the children.
She has no access to money to get legal advice.
What would you recommend if it were your friend?

chuckles1066

rovers wrote: »

My friend has told her husband that it's over.
She doesn't work, she is a stay at home mum to 2 young kids.
He is furious. He has stopped having his salary paid into their joint account so she only has child benefit. He won't communicate with her at all.
He won't leave. She doesn't want to move the children.
She has no access to money to get legal advice.
What would you recommend if it were your friend?

How exactly did she expect to provide for the "2 young kids"?

Yep.............now you know why "he is furious".

destiny_star2006

go straight to a solicitor she will get legal aid

skylight

Legal Aid - call some solicitors who will give her half an hours free advice. On her income, she will get legal aid (equivilant now - name changed I think).

Call Child Tax Credit and put in a claim. Call Income Support and put in a claim. They will automatically contact the CSA on her behalf.

Talk to him (as best as possible) and tell him to stop being childish and get lost. The kids are more important. If he is likely to refuse, then she needs to take advice from the solicitors. If push comes to shove, she will have to move the kids and rent (housing benefit and council tax benefit will apply here for her) as previously pointed out, the kids are more important, but do get advice first.

chuckles1066

skylight wrote: »

Legal Aid - call some solicitors who will give her half an hours free advice. On her income, she will get legal aid (equivilant now - name changed I think).

Call Child Tax Credit and put in a claim. Call Income Support and put in a claim. They will automatically contact the CSA on her behalf.

Talk to him (as best as possible) and tell him to stop being childish and get lost. The kids are more important. If he is likely to refuse, then she needs to take advice from the solicitors. If push comes to shove, she will have to move the kids and rent (housing benefit and council tax benefit will apply here for her) as previously pointed out, the kids are more important, but do get advice first.

Without intending any disrespect to the OP as I'm sure she has enough on her plate to be going on with, your post typifies everything that's wrong with this country today.

"free advice", "put in a claim" (twice), "housing benefit", "council tax benefit"??

Why should the already over-burdened tax payer have to fork out yet more money because two individuals have *chosen* to have children and yet are unable to do something relatively simple like keep a relationship together?

I hereby nominate your ramblings as post of the year.

What a shocker.........

skylight

Thank you Chuckles! I am honoured!

quietheart

Thanks for the good advice. I wasn't aware you could get an hours free advice, I will pass that on.:T
Chuckles, I can't and won't go into the personal details. She is currently training to bring in a good salary that will keep them, she has never been on benefits but needs short term help. That's what the benefit system is there for imo.
Best not to judge when you don't know the details!;)

skylight

Chuckles does usually have some good points, and I think that we would all admit that benefit fraud is rife and is a problem that needs dealing with ASAP, as is those who consider signing on is a job!

However, my concerns are for the kids - they still need feeding regardless of Mum and Dad. And the benefits system is there as a stop gap for those of us that need it.

And you do not need to explain your friends position. As you said, you cannot judge when you don't know the full details.

By the way, not all solicitors offer free advice - you will need to call lots first.

chuckles1066

skylight wrote: »

And the benefits system is there as a stop gap for those of us that need it.

The problem is (and, again, this is NO reflection on the OP) the benefits system isn't seen as a "stop gap".

Many, many millions of people see it as a right, an entitlement.

A way of life.

"Oh dear, I've messed up, I can't stand on my own two feet, I can't take responsibilty for MY actions, what can I do, ooh, ooh, somebody help me.........hang on, look at all those taxpayers over there with their nice houses and flash cars, I'll leech off of them.......ahhh, that feels better".

As unpalatable as that might be, you all know I'm telling the truth.

Now, if only we could get a politician with the guts to do the same, we'd all be on the road to hauling this country out of the cesspit........

Curv

Oh God - I'm sure I'll get flamed for this, but I agree with Chuckles. I stayed in a very unhappy and occasionally mentally abusive relationship for three years beyond it's sell by date until I could afford to leave and support my children. It never occurred to me to claim benefits and to this day I'm glad I did it that way.

IMO, based on the scant information posted, the OP's friend ought to make alternative arrangements for her and her kids - arrangements that either include getting a job to or persuading the kids' dad to behave like a man and support his children. If he's been happy enough to share his income with her to date he probably (usually) has his children's best interests at heart. Such a sudden u-turn must surely be based on something more than the acknowledgment of the end of a dying relationship?

But, without more details I'd be hard pressed to find much sympathy for someone who has clearly made a huge decision on behalf of her kids, either without thinking it all the way through (i.e. 'This is my plan if he suddenly stops handing over his salary') or in the hope/expectation that someone will bail her/them out. Of course, if the relationship has ended due to his violence, then she should leave straight away and take the children somewhere safe - there, quite rightly, are agencies who can help with that sort of urgent need for support.

I really am sorry if I sound harsh... I think the general culture of not taking responsibility for one's own actions, decisions, behavior and family is to blame for so many of the things I don't like about Britain today. I genuinely hope the OP's friend and her kids are safe and OK and eventually get sorted.