Problems in shared housing ...

top_drawer_2

hi,

I have just moved into a shared house and currently there are three other housemates in the house, two have lived here awhile and the other moved in at the same time as me.

The problem is the lounge door - in an evening when Ive been in there watching tv myself and the other new girl have shut the door as the room has the kitchen on one side and the hallway on the other so it was quite chilly.

On saturday one of the other housemates came downstairs and started to put the wedge back (even though we were sat chatting and it was clearly us who had closed the door). When she had gone we closed the door aagain and when she came down she did it again... Eventually the following day I said something when she started to do it ... and we had a looooong discussion about the advantages of doors closed/open - one of her arguements was it makes it more communal and that It_always_been_done that_ way ... but eventually we seemed to have agreed that in the evening its ok to have it closed as its colder but during the day what with people coming and going ... it will be open.

Now the other flatmate has just said that he was woken up by the door slamming (the door is on a swing back thing) 6 times. I know we left the lounge at 11.30 pm and we weren't noisy at all so not sure if this is a huge exageration or what. Anyway I said Ok we'll be more careful to make sure to shut the door as opposed to let it swing closed (long term solution - get the swing thingy removed) he said well Its_always_been_left_open .... like well we've always done it that way and you're not moving in and changing it!!

Now I'm trying really hard to not fall out with people here but why the hell should I not be allowed to be comfortable when I want to use the communal facilities?

It just seems to be a case of ganging up on the newcomer ... the other new girl is shy and wont object to anything etc so I think im on my own here....

What would anyone else do?

Jen

tbs624

The joys of housesharing.......;)

Is the "swing back thing" you refer to an automatic door closer, because if it is, it's probably part of the fire safety requirements that the LL has had to comply with and the door should be kept closed rather than the being left propped open. Why not clarify with your LL - the closers can be adjusted so as to shut with a slower click rather than a bang.

top_drawer_2

excellent I will do - Unfortunately he's in Holland atm so will have to wait for him to return ...

Jen

MrSafeGaz

I don't think going to the LL and discussing this with him is going to help you get on with your housemates much. If he started enforcing the door being closed they would know it was your doing and I imagine it would cause tensions.

top_drawer_2

No, maybe not but I will speak to him about adjusting the closer to click shut rather than bang.

I doubt he will enforce the door being closed because it was propped open when he showed me around and we spoke about rent etc. Its fine during the day but at night its damm right cold being right in the middle of two draft and just screams unfair for me that they both want to be upstairs and but also want to rule over the lounge too.

I don't know if they/he will ever be happy with any compromise as it seems from what he said that he just wants the door open - cos It Always_Been_Left_Open_Before

pinkshoes

Put some fuzzy feet on the door frame (those sticky things used to stop furniture scratching hard floors - £2 in B&Q), which should stop the door ever banging, but will still allow the door to click closed.

She probably thinks if the door is closed you're discussing her or something! Personally I'd just go with whatever they used to do, as it's a bit rude moving in and wanting them to suddenly do what you want.

Spamreported

i would have taken our advice in the beginning, avoid shared homes. i hope you didnt get screwed over the arrangement you forst posted about. i see your bed is a bit hard or something and now in fighting, - i really cant see this working out.

i suggest making new friends and sharing with them, at least there is some common ground,

top_drawer_2

hi,

Pinkshoes - Im not expecting anyone to change but I pay rent to live here and I would like to be comfortable in my own house. I am only wanting to close the door when I am sat in the longe watching tv as the settee is in the draft of two doors - they are both sat upstairs in their rooms at this point not experiencing the draft. To me it seems unfair that they think I should uncomfortable in my own house because It Always Been Done That Way....

Spamreported - lol yeh but I just cant afford to live alone and living at home was taking away my will to live ...

I renegaded on that agreement as he wouldnt answer my email, he did ring me on the supposed moving in date to ask if it was still on?!?! I was "unavailable" in the same way he was when I needed answers.

I think its worse sometimes with friends (been there and done that too); its surprising that you can like someone but detest the way they live, also any falling outs can mean you can well end up losing mates over it as opposed to someone you may/may not have got along with anyway.

Jen

Spamreported

i lived with 2 brothers and they were dirty as anything. the fridge was layered with 10 packs of margerine and rotting veg.

i threw a lot of their stuff out and tidied the house. anyway, i told them i was moving out and I found a very odd guy to replace me, i moved out when they were asleep and when they woke up they had a new freak to live with.

tbs624

Jen - if LL can't or won't adjust door closer, a person looking over my shoulder has advised these as a compromise:

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Door-Slam-Stopper-2-Pk/dp/B000T7SHPO
Also available from nursery shops, apparently.

And your flatmates could always get you one of these...http://www.iwantoneofthose.com/selk-bags/index.html

neas

You got to ask why 2 rooms became available within similar time frames... answer your housemates are nasty... and hard to live with... probably bullying others before.

You and the other housemate should take over the house