Divorce and the financial settlement

paddeo

After 11 years together my wife wants a divorce. We have 2 boys (5) and (9). I work full-time on good money (65k+) my wife has not worked since the boys were born. We have £380k equity in our family home which we have agreed to sell.

In people's experience what is a reasonable split?

What frustrates me is even though she has instigated the divorce she could end up with much of the assets because she will be able to look after the boys more often because i work full time.

Seems to me that I am penalised for a) working (means i cannot be the full carer) and b) for being good at what i do (i get well paid so i can afford to start over with a new mortgage)

Life sucks as far as I am concerned.

Prudent

Your wife has worked very hard since the boys were born. Its a big job bringing up two children. However because as a society, we don't value this work, she has not had time to build up a salary and a career like yours. I think what you need to ask yourself is this: If your wife went back to work part time and you went part time to allow fair share of the child care, would you both have the same income. If the answer if yes, why not go for a fifty/fifty split. Reduce your hours to part time and do an equal share of the childcare. If she is to be disadvantaged by caring for the children then you need to weigh up how much of a disadvantage she is at when calcualting the split.

tanith

I am not going to comment on who did what it really matters not who instigated the divorce.. , I think it sounds like you both worked hard during the marriage all I will say is if you and your wife could possibly agree the bones of a settlement without involving solicitors you will both be winners... if you are going to sell the house it seems as if you will both have enough to buy again and thats a good start... please please realise that if you fight over finances the only winners are the lawyers... try to put your feelings for your wife aside (not easy I know) and think of your boys future... you want them to be in a good home and well looked after and that will depend on how you handle yourself from here on....

Good Luck to you both...

belfastgirl23

why not have mediation to try to resolve both financial issues and issues over custody etc? In some ways the question of fairness is a red herring if each of you are considering it alone (since you will both have different views on what is fair) but if you sit down together you might be able to come to some agreement. This is very important because the crucial thing is that you will be able to be co-parents to your children. Remember this is the woman you will be facing at school plays, parents evenings, graduation, weddings etc. Your first priority should be to make sure you can get by with her....

paddeo

>>Your wife has worked very hard since the boys were born. Its a big job bringing up two children. <<
That is a hell of an assumption.

>>However because as a society, we don't value this work, she has not had time to build up a salary and a career like yours.<<
This is the same society that would support a wife starting again and taking our kids and moving 50 minutes drive away.

>>... try to put your feelings for your wife aside (not easy I know) and think of your boys future... you want them to be in a good home and well looked after and that will depend on how you handle yourself from here on....
<<
I agree but it is very frustrating knowing that I will have to be the good guy and let her away with everything because I don't want to hurt the kids.

God wish i could be the heartless uncaring one but I can't and that means i get taken advantage of.

Frith

It will probably be about 70% to her, or thereabouts. In certain circumstances, the parent with the children does not have to pay the other his/her share until the children have grown up but I can see that might not apply in your case if you are selling the house now.

Liz

Caz312

paddeo

I found a really useful site when going through my divorce. www.ondivorce.co.uk you will get some good responses from there re what you can "expect" based on peoples experiences, the one main point is that the winners in this if there is disagreement will be the lawyers so the more you can agree between you the better.