Strategies for keeping hope going until house prices drop!

Microstar_2

I lived in NZ for a while and understand why you wanted to return to UK. Its small, remote (people think Aus is close by, but its about 5 hours travel by air and full of Aussies when you get there!). I also found it quite claustrophobic in career terms and pay and conditions generally poor. I also found holiday entitlement quite poor. In fact I found that with my higher UK salary and more holiday entitlement I could actually afford to see more of NZ than if I lived there! Added to that I think there are more opportunities for the kids in the UK (easy and cheap travel to Europe and many more educational opportunities).

I would just hang in there with the rental. Time passes quickly in retrospect and in two years time when house prices have dropped a bit the view will be a lot better.

kunekune

Microstar, the holidays thing is very true. The chances of our returning to see grandparents were not good. By NZ standards we had a lot of holiday (the statutory minimum only recently went from 3 to 4 weeks) but much of it went on sick children, and a two week trip to the UK just didn't appeal, even if we could afford it.

kunekune

Pinkshoes, thanks.

It's probably not a good idea to buy on the basis that your OH is not happy living in the UK, and until he is happy with the idea, then you shouldn't buy.

There is some truth in this, although even he admits it is really a question of when rather than if. He knows that in the right physical environment he will be happier, so we are looking for somewhere greener/more rural when 'the time comes' but I am thinking we should make that leap sooner, so long as it is somewhere we can later afford to buy.

People have been going on and on about a HPC for years, and the only thing we've really seen is a few reductions, possibly due to the tightening of lending.

I agree but in this house that is heresy. OH/DH has been reading hpc since long before we came back!

Could you not look at renting somewhere more permanently

I think this has to be the answer. Perhaps with fewer stairs too, LOL (4 storey at the moment). I had a friend tried to do this recently and their prospective landlord's bank would not permit him to give them anything more than a 6 month AST, which worries me a bit.

I know it's harsh your OH is blaming you for his unhappiness, but I guess you need to remember that he made this move for you. Anything more you can do to help him get a more likeable job?

So far I've done all the jobhunting for him, as I have more freedom in my internet use than him. His applications even use my email. He has recently said he wants to stop for a bit, which is probably a good idea. Many of the jobs going, even if they don't involve travel, are in Manchester, and that's not easily commutable, so it is all very unsettling. He turned something down in Sheffield a couple of months ago, but mostly he seems to be bad at interviews!!!! And it's rare a wife can help with that (though I did help when he got the first NZ job years ago, as they interviewed the wife as well and I managed to sell him better than he sold himself).

kunekune

lostinrates, I typed you a long and sympathetic reply but it got lost somewhere in the internet blackhole. Is there anything you can do to get your own career back on track, if OH is now more settled in one location? It isn't too late to start some kind of course in September if you need to retrain - lots of places go through clearing (we fill lots of LLB spots that way). If you can find something that will fit around children in the future, the vision of what is to come might help you get round this hump, the way our steadily increasing savings are helping me. FWIW, the reason our income is good now is that I carried on with both babies, only taking 5 months off each time (unpaid in NZ at the time). It is hard, but it comes right in the end.

teabelly

A career in academia is hard. It seems to be even harder for women and you have to be very single minded about putting your career before family and family life in general to get on as well as the male academics. It's pretty claustrophobic and a bit of a boy's club in the UK too.

Is there anywhere in the world that you'd both like to live that isn't either the UK or NZ? Striking a compromise might be the best way. I get the feeling you are partly depressed because you realise you may have made a big mistake returning and that it isn't as good as you remember. Also the feelings of depression which I assume you blamed on living in NZ have come with you.

A really good book for helping with depression and negative thinking is this one http://www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/

On a more pessimistic note. As your DH is nearly 50 then the mortgage options are going to be restricted as the majority of lenders want it paid off on or before retirement. If he wanted to retire at 65 then you'd only have a 15 year repayment term. Can you still afford the house you want on that kind of term? If he's worried about his long term prospects then moving sideways into IT project management or more general management might be something to consider now as it makes him more useful within a company. At nearly 50 it is good he's still in IT as these days even those of us over 30 are considered past it

lostinrates

kunekune wrote: »

lostinrates, I typed you a long and sympathetic reply but it got lost somewhere in the internet blackhole. Is there anything you can do to get your own career back on track, if OH is now more settled in one location? It isn't too late to start some kind of course in September if you need to retrain - lots of places go through clearing (we fill lots of LLB spots that way). If you can find something that will fit around children in the future, the vision of what is to come might help you get round this hump, the way our steadily increasing savings are helping me. FWIW, the reason our income is good now is that I carried on with both babies, only taking 5 months off each time (unpaid in NZ at the time). It is hard, but it comes right in the end.

I think, so far out of my fast moving area of research, all my knowledge is now outdated , my practical skills are really not, but really requires being self employed and big start up costs, that would SERIOUSLY impact on DH and any future family, and I'm not sure I need it enough to do that to us Furthermore, my work is rural based and to an extent vocational! (the fulfilment was always greater than the wage!), DH needs to be in the City. :rolleyes: We have simple choices, together and emotionally stable with me career unfulfilled or together, and happy emotionally. Because we are coming back to UK later than hoped and DH is starting as a UK trainee aged 29, we just feel a bit like we have missed the boat (dangerous phrase I seem to remember at MSE forum!) on many, many scores. I feel kind of deflated and rejected by the work market. It really effects self esteem. I'm quite content now, to not use my skills and education now, and get a job that makes that swap worth while: ie, makes me available for DH and any future family but is unskilled and lower paid. But even those seem hard to get and inflexible. I applied to two local supermarkets last week, handing the application form in hand. One explaine that I HAVE to work weekends, and HAVE to make myself available for 30% extra hours on public holidays etc (the time my DH is likely to have time off) nd you CANNOT be assured these times off. The recruitment woman was nice but fairly convincing as to why I wouldn't want to work there, and why it would n ot work for us! The other person was less polite and said they were unlikely to be employing a graduate to stack shelves. Can't see hy not, my education didn't damage my arms :rotfl: . Retraining costs, I don't want to eat into our deposit savings....and because of those savings and DH's wage I'm not entitled (fair enough I suppose) to any fnancial support while looking for a job oppertunity! I'm being unfussy in applications. Three years ago (last in UK for a period of time) I took my skills, as they are, to another industry which they might be useful. I was told, off the record of course, that I was fairly unemployable in that sector, being of prime childbaring age and married, so likely to cost a hell of a lot in maternity leave. Again, was indicated more than once :rolleyes: at different places and was still looking when we left Uk AGAIN.

So, right now I'm still applying to any unskilled work I could do, still feeling more and more depressed because people won't employ me to fill boxes or stack shelves, and feeling stumped at every turn.:o

Sorry, kunekune, I didn't mean to be adding to the depressive tone, but I really feel like blowing raspberries at the world.

kunekune

It sounds to me like you are justified in feeling like that! I had a patch like that when we first moved to New Zealand: I made a lot of bread, grew veggies and tried (unsuccessfully then) to get pregnant. I also stayed in bed for much of the day. No-one wanted to employ me, with my bright shiny British degree and my posh voice (so far from the real me). Eventually I was rescued when a paper mill needed a temporary 'librarian', ended up getting another job editing training manuals and from there it led by a strange series of events to my current position as a legal academic! I could not possibly have predicted that this is what I would end up doing, and the only consolation I can offer to you is the same. The world is a funny place, and we don't always end up doing what we thought we would do: eventually someone will spot the value in your application, see that they have a gem on their hands, and you will begin to feel like you are part of society again.

kunekune

teabelly, I answered you too: my internet link is a bit poorly today and I keep losing things. I had some thoughts flowing from your thoughts but I daren't re-do it as I am supposed to be doing something else! I'll try and reply later.

Rick62

Hi Kunekune, you are struggling with quite a few issues, and making it worse by piling them on top of each other.

Coming back to the uk, this is very difficult, I came back from 7 years in the Caribbean about 5 years ago and found it very hard, I hated the Uk for the first couple of years. But I knew it was the right thing to do and now am ok with it. You just need to recognise that it will enevitably take a while to get used to. But also your OH needs to take more responsibility, you both took a decision, hopefully for the right reasons and the two of you doing together should be helping, not making it harder.

Renting. I think it absurd the suggestion that you can't put picture hooks up, I'd love to see that tested in court. Remember with the new legislation the LL can't make up their own rules any more. Put the hooks up, when you come to leave ask (in writing if need be) the LL would they rather you left them or 'made good', if lter whack some plaster over, dab of paint, job done - fair wear and tear.

Buying, I'm currently doing some mortgage broking, you may think what you read sounds bad, I'd say its much worse than most people realise. I think prices will come down over the next 2 years, of course you want to own your own house (as do I) but now is not the time, console yourself that you may well save £10,000's.

busy_bee_7

Hm... :rolleyes: too much ranting ladies.

How about this:

A Count your blessings.
Twice a day name 5 positive things in your life:
1. Lovely children.
2. Good husband.
3. Nice job.
4. Saving a grand per month.
5. Lovely shoes (for example )

B. Pull yourself together and keep going.
Keep smiling and try to have a laugh at least once a day - it really does help when depressed and feeling sorry for yourself.

C. Look at the bigger picture.
Avoid the blaming game, it really does not help. Whatever happens in our life it is always for A reason. But who said it was going to be easy? We have to go through the bad times to be grateful for the good ones! Distance yourself emotionally from your problems, deal with them in a matter-of-factly way.

D. Have a life.
Remembr we only live once (as far as I know). Why should you put your life on hold just because you do not own the house you live in? Nonsense.

E. Last but not least. When deciding on where to live: UK, NZ or anywhere else I simply think: "It's PEOPLE you are with that matter, not PLACES".



That's all from me for today.

Busy bee