Any Ideas - daughter had 4 rejections

Rikki

Janeyjaz wrote: »

As far as I am concerned a parent is all about passing one's experiences and knowledge to our children - at my age that is a huge amount of knowledge and experience and that is what I have done and continue to do. A seventeen year old experiences will be very small compared to mine - I will investigate the website and pass the address and the information on - to all my children.
Thank you

I too am a concerned parent.

My son started university last year. I have been through all the frustration and worry you are now going through.

From my experience and my sons.
The university deals direct with the child and once loans and grants are applied for the SLC will only deal with the student.

Its the same as their bank account you are not allowed access to the information.

I'm sorry if what I said made you annoyed. I was just trying to offer you advice from my experience.

Its very hard to take that step back believe me, but its their life and they have to make their own choices.

Oldernotwiser wrote:

I certainly meant my comment to be helpful in that your daughter should be doing her own research about universities/loans/personal statements etc as it's her education that's in question. Universities would far rather speak to the student when it comes to negotiating places in Clearing and the SLC will not speak to you about your daughter's account once she's taken out a loan. I'm all for trying to pass on knowledge/experience to one's children (if they'll let you!) but your first post did say "I am lost on how to proceed " so perhaps posters assumed that this wasn't an area in which your experience/knowledge was adequate or appropriate.

Please don't take this the wrong way but it's annoying to be snapped at when we've taken quite a lot of time to be helpful..

Ditto

digsby202

We are parents and never stop being parents !

I mentioned earlier that every weekend I pick my daughter's laundry up and deliver her a bag of shopping, only hanging around for a few minutes. She has been under intense pressure this term , but by taking some of the time consuming things away from her, she is heading for a double 1st from Cambridge. I can't ask any more from her than to be totally commited to her work.
Lots of other parents have said 'your'e mad', but my daughters friends are envious and think I'm pretty cool.

Someone said to me ' you give them wings to fly away , and a nest to come home to '.

When it comes down to it , we all want whats best for our kids.

Love D

amaseal

I do whatever I can for my daughter whilst leaving her space to grow up - she can feed herself however she likes, if she wants to change her bedlinen once a term that too is ok by me. I don't put any pressure on her to study let alone get a First.
It really is more healthy to back off and support from afar when they become students.

digsby202

I think its up to the individual/s to , whats right for one family may not be right for another.

I certainly do not put any pressure on my daughter to get a first or double first, but she knows what she is capable of and given how hard she has worked, I am proud to be her support system.

I certainly do not think my involvement is unhealthy and neither does she.
D

Voyager2002

This thread contains many examples of excellent parenting. There is really no need to criticise each other, since every family situation is different. There are times when it is best to allow a young adult to 'foul' their nest and/or experience the hassle of shopping and dealing with laundry, and other times when giving that level of support to remove pressure can be a really valuable thing to do. All the parents on this thread have, IMHO, made good decisions for their particular situations, and will doubtless make different decisions as the situation changes.

The sparks started to fly following the mention of the student discussion board. Surely an appropriate action would be for the parent to have a look AND invite their (soon to be) student son/daughter to look as well.

digsby202

Thankyou - I will now stop beating myself up about being there.

Love D

littlemissmoney

What's a *double* first??!

Janeyjaz

I did appreciate all your comments and did not mean to upset anyone and I apologise if I did so - I am taking all you advice on board and I do appreciate that the kids have to start doing it on their own.

mollten

Hi all. I've never posted here before, but I thought that as a current English Lit student, I could make some helpful comments.

Firstly, regarding my application last year. I applied with the prospective grades of 5 As at A2 (English Lit, English Language, History, Politics and General Studies). Like your daughter, I aimed for top universities (York, Warwick, Exeter, UCL, Manchester and Oxford) and thought I had a decent shot at all, although Oxford was a shot in the dark. My offers were as follows:
Exeter wanted AAB (no interview)
Manchester rejected me (cited large amount of applicants and stronger personal statements)
Oxford rejected before interview
UCL gave me an interview then rejected me
York wanted AAA (no interview)
Warwick offered AAB after an interview.

On reflection, we found that my PS had errors, like your daughter found. Similarly, the college should have checked the statement - indeed, my tutor, English teacher and college staff did, but failed to spot them. My thinking therefore is that Manchester cares more about statements than most as they cited that as a reason. Others were willing to give me another chance, although Oxford was understandable in that I guess they too reject non-perfect statements.

My advice is to not trust a college / school to check the personal statement, read it through yourself as a parent. The staff see so many that some mistakes are bound to be overlooked when reading them quickly.

Furthermore, look at what the average offer is from a uni. Warwick and Exeter for example want AAB, whereas most top universities want AAA. This could make the world of difference, as it takes the pressure off somewhat, and would have been comfortable for your daughter to obtain. I would instantly discount applying to Bristol, as English is their most oversubscribed course, with around 40 people applying for each place, according to a presentation we had from a Russell Group rep.

I think your daughter should take a gap year, and then apply, perhaps to the following if she gets 3 As:

- Oxbridge (your choice - Oxford has the reputation for English, although Cambridge interviews more candidates)
- UCL
- Durham
- Warwick
- York / Nottingham / Manchester / Exeter / Newcastle / St. Andrews etc.

Coincidentally, I'm at Warwick and I highly recommend it. The AAB offer is low and comparatively easier to reach, but the standards are just as high, with the same calibre of staff and students (usually they've applied to the top unis as well).

Also, look at the modules each place offers and whether they suit your daughter. Oxbridge places everything on exams in the third year, York requires you to take a foreign language, Warwick has 3 compulsory first year modules, UCL has some 6hr long papers etc.

I hope that helps somewhat, and I'm happy to offer any other advice that I can. After all, she appears to be a bright individual, and it would be a shame for her to just accept a place through clearing just to go to university this year.

digsby202

Littlemissmoney

A 'double' first (I think it may only apply to Oxbridge- but correct me if I'm wrong ) is a first awarded after your second year exams, followed by a first at the end of the third year. If you are on a four year course, then it will be third and fourth year. Not only exams are considered, as my daughter has to produce a dissertation at the end of her second year, plus one at the end of her third ( for English).

Love D