Uncomfortable OR call....help!

G-G_4

I probably wasted a lot of my money on hobbies, stuff for myself and my home, holidays, eating out etc.. I didn't have much to show for it either.. I went on 3 holidays last year alone..

I feel like an idiot for doing all that, I really do.. but that's for the OR to decide on whether he thinks I was an idiot and deserve a BRO-BRU.. To be honest, it's out of my hands and i'm not going to worry about it.. what will be, will be.. x

I think for me, spending was an addiction, not an addiction to shopping as such, but just trying to live the lifestyle I couldn't afford.

I do agree with some points broken hearted has made, although I don't think he/she should generalise so much.. it isn't fair.. some people really do find Bankruptcy a real struggle and the last thing they need is someone to come along and point the finger.. :rolleyes:

As for the OR interview, it's done now, try not to worry.. they are very awkward and they do make you feel the size of a pin head.. also, it makes you realise how silly you have been with money..

I'm sure you didn't ever intend to be bankrupt, and so you are just one of many that have not managed their finances well.. you arn't a criminal and you shouldn't be made to feel like one..

Hope all that made sense.. x

teabreak36

BH your comments are very ill judged, people come on this forum for help and support, and saying you are tired of the ones who go Bankrupt for no reason is frankly a little puzzling, nobody goes bankrupt for no reason, you have no idea what has led to peoples debt, only a brief outline of a few sentences on this forum, they could have been depressed, they may have been desperate, and yes they may have been wreckless or stupid, but that does not mean they deserve your scorn which you seem to hand out aplenty.

I dont see many people on here blaming all and sundry for their situation, what I do see is a lot of people who have reached an all time low in life and decided enough is enough, Bankruptcy is not the get out of jail free card you seem to think it is, and often bankruptcy will cause as much pain and anguish as the debt it aims to resolve.

I spent the last 15 years trying to "do the right thing" like you are obviously attempting to do, but to be honest the people who I owed always wanted more and more and more, banks and financial institutions are all to quick to say "contact us if you have trouble paying" and when you do they tell you to cough up or else, your loyaly to your debtors is misplaced they would sell you down the river in a heartbeat.

Life is all about choices, yes I for one have made some god awful choices and am now paying the price, as are many people on here, Bankruptcy is one of a few ways to deal with extreme debt it is a legal resolve and in many cases brings great peace of mind to good people who have had rotten luck or have been a bit stupid with thier resources.

Maybe as this board is designed for people who are or going bankrupt, and these people obviously upset you so much, maybe it would be an idea to use a different board, Or you could just put your pride and predjudice behind you and bite the bullet and join the people brave enough to say enough is enough.

Leicestercat

To all,

Thanks for your words of support, I did feel at one point maybe i was over reacting, but now feel proud for sticking up to myself. This is a very difficult and personal experience that has yes cleared my debt but also taught me a great lesson, yet helped me too if that makes sense. the last thing i wanted on here was criticism for a choice I spent a long time deciding upon. thank you again all of you who have provided me with not just support, but hope.
xxx

BH - I think teabreak is right, uve not gone BR, dont know how it feels and so are hardly in a position to make the comments you do. I hope whatever has made you this sour you can resolve, but maybe you should target your frustration in another direction. Im strong enough to brush your comments off my shoulders - i hope you havent added to anyone elses burdens who may not be as strong. And as for being disapointed - you shouldnt be disapointed with anyone else....

Broken_hearted

Teabreak you did your best and thats all anyone can ask. I feel no loyalty to my creditors and even less to DH's only my family and our goals. I'm proud of my achievements and those of others who have tried whether they suceed or fail. It's only those who fail to try who wind me up but by their own admission they couldn't care less and that speaks volumes.

G-G_4

Broken_hearted wrote: »

Teabreak you did your best and thats all anyone can ask. I feel no loyalty to my creditors and even less to DH's only my family and our goals. I'm proud of my achievements and those of others who have tried whether they suceed or fail. It's only those who fail to try who wind me up but by their own admission they couldn't care less and that speaks volumes.

That's fair enough BR.. but maybe you should post that in your own thread and not hijack leicestercats thread with your negative opinion, as I really don't think she deserves it. :rolleyes:

teabreak36

Broken Hearted, the point I was trying to make was that there is not enough information on individual peoples circumstances to make assumptions, even if it seems like they are openly saying they have been wasteful or stupid with their money, you don’t accurately know if that was the sole cause, a lot of people come on here looking for help but may be embarrassed or scared of what people will think, that is why you cannot judge totally by what you read on here in a few short sentences and more importantly you should not be judging at all, by all means pass on your concerns, experience, and advice but please when somebody ticks you off just remember that all may not be as written here, give them the benefit of the doubt, and if you cant do that maybe just bite your tongue, there really is no need to vocalise your disapproval.

Keep being proud of your achievements but remember that for some dealing with their debt weather it’s an IVA ,bankruptcy, or scrimping and scraping to pay their creditors is an achievement.

wherediditallgo

Leicestercat wrote: »

yes thats exactly how i feel, but thought id feel better after a while, but the feeling isnt going...

Just dont think my OR understands, you know?

Have to send them some letters etc am thinking of maybe writing a little bit of blurb of how nervous i was etc and how bad i feel, but as you said they prob have heard it all before and have this all the time dont they?

Just cant wait to stop feeling so low! Dont really have anyone around me who understands how this feels, and not getting alot of support from my partner, mostly because he's moved away at the moment. Also just had an operation so thats also adding to my stress and all these crappy emotions im experiencing

LC
Xx

I can understand why you're feeling the way you are, but I think you've probably come across a lot better than you think.

You've had a lot to deal with, & as with many of us, it's only after we've gone BR & have to go forward that we realise just how much your debts & the associated stress have dragged you down. That in itself is hard to deal with. But you will move on, slowly but surely. The ORs do understand, but only to a point as they haven't gone BR themselves. However, they're not totally heartless either. By all means send the letter if you want to - how much notice they'll take of it I don't know, but the main thing is you'll feel better after doing it. Don't put yourself down - you've done very well to get this far, & you're better & stronger than you think. Get well soon.

storminbalder

To leicestercat.

I have to say that your comments in your original post seem to be the best way forward, if only for your own peace of mind.

I certainly found that putting my thoughts and arguments in writing a lot easier than verbally via phone. In fact not only did I write 3 or 4 very precise and lengthy letters to the OR, I actually went to see them twice (despite being 50 miles away).

I found that "getting to know" your OR was beneficial for me. I don't beleive that the outcome for me would have been as beneficial as it was otherwise (ie keeping my car and half my redundancy money).

I think that if they see you as a real person rather than a faceless statistic they are more likely to go easier. I do believe that despite there being fairly clear guidelines, as long as you are as helpful and honest as possible, that they have a great deal of flexibility.

Easier said than done I know, but try not to worry too much (though I know I did - saying that I didn't know about this site at the time). They are human being just like us. They are reasonable people, who i felt bent over backwards for me.

AND REMEMBER, at the end of the day what is the worst they can do? A BRO? Even if that did happen, from what others have said it's no real cause for concern.

Anyway, best wishes.

Lip_Stick

I had a face to face interview and the OR made me feel quite relaxed. I was in the same boat as the OP, owing about the same amount and spending on day to day expenses as well as making the minimum payments to one creditor from another.

I think it's possible that you're making it out to be worse than it actually was. Over the phone you can't see expressions or what the OR is doing, so perhaps in those silences when forms are being filled in etc, you've been imagining all sorts. I'm sure if I had a phone interview I would have felt exactly the same even with the same OR I had. My OR said to me that creditors are partly to blame for the mess some people get in. I'm sure over the phone, you can't relax and have as much general chit chat about your circumstances. You feel awkward from the start, and nothing seems to lift it so you want the interview to be over as fast as possible.

People have squandered a lot more than you have, too. I'm sure if you could have cleared your debts you would have. I wouldn't worry what other people are saying. I bet it won't be long before you're discharged.

sleeplessnights_2

Hi LC

I know I'm a bit late posting a reply, but just wanted to say that I felt just the same and always end up making myself sound so stupid, I can almost hear them sighing her we go again - shes on the phone!!!!

I just can't help but waffle on, and then I think why did I say that!!!! a bit like "I carried a water melon" in dirty dancing!!!!!

so don't worry your not alone!!! :beer:

Sleeplessnights xx