Uncomfortable OR call....help!

Leicestercat

Hello,

Had my OR call today and I just feel it went awful....I had £15,000 that i had accumulated over 2 years, just dont know where it went...

was asked loads of questions about what i did with my money and i just didnt know - felt like saying to cover cost of living, minimum payments etc was a cop out - but that was what it was for!!!

Also had bought flight tickets for my boyf with my card as he didnt have one and it looked awful as it was after I stopped paying my cards. we went away for new year and it just looks so bad on paper, but needed that break you know?

Another thing I found doing was waffling - really tried not to but it just came out...said to my OR i went over to spain because its where i wanted to go and work, but not sure if im doin that now etc etc etc and she was just quiet...not sure if she was annoyed or what, JUST FEEL SO GUILTY NOW FOR GETTING MYSELF IN SO MUCH DEBT FOR NOTHING!!

Well, not sure how i feel now, really rubbish is one....Think thats prob the worst OR call in history. Obviously I have nothing to hide, but felt like i was being interrogated.
I did say afterwards that this was the hardest thing ive ever done and they were quite supportive, but still felt rubbish.

has anyone else felt like this afterwards?

Xx

devonsdreamer

YES!!! I also struggled with some of the questions ended up bursting into tear because I was so frustrated with myself. I felt an absolute idiot when I put the phone down. About 5 mins later I realsied some of the answers to the questions and phoned back- the guy was so nice and said that I hadnt needed to phone back as they had all they needed and reasuured me all would be fine and to just relax. I am sure they have heard it all before but it doesnt make it any easier for us going through it!

Leicestercat

yes thats exactly how i feel, but thought id feel better after a while, but the feeling isnt going...

Just dont think my OR understands, you know?

Have to send them some letters etc am thinking of maybe writing a little bit of blurb of how nervous i was etc and how bad i feel, but as you said they prob have heard it all before and have this all the time dont they?

Just cant wait to stop feeling so low! Dont really have anyone around me who understands how this feels, and not getting alot of support from my partner, mostly because he's moved away at the moment. Also just had an operation so thats also adding to my stress and all these crappy emotions im experiencing

LC
Xx

devonsdreamer

It takes time to get your head round it all I think, It is a big thing to go through. I went BK on 10th Dec and I am still adjusting. Having to deal with unexpected bills rather than slapping it on the credit card. I see it all as steps towards financial freedom. I find it easier to focus on the good things that have come from this all, I also find this site a great help.
It sounds like you have been through the mill lately and can understand why you are feeling so low but this is the start of a new journey-honestly it will get better, it just takes time.

If you can focus on getting better from your operation, it's up to the OR to worry about it all now.

DD

Leicestercat

Yeah ur right, today having that call has bought it all back fresh in my mind and at the moment I really have other things to worry about - like recovering!

just wanted my call to go great and to get a really good OR - not sure if any of those were accomplished but we will soon see

LC

Broken_hearted

Going BR is about a lot of emotions you messed up in a very short space of time for no real reason hence you feel guilty. Its over now so move on.

Leicestercat

thats all good and well for you to say BH but if you were ACTUALLY in my position you would realise that it isnt all over, going BR yes means you dont have your minimum payments to worry about each month, but it certainly doesnt leave you either worry or problem free!

If only it was that simple to just forget and move on...my money problems stem back to 10 years and they have affected rather alot of my life and simply moving on isnt that easy.

I do get the opinion sometimes BH that you get tired of hearing about people who have just declared themselves BR?

or maybe im just wrong and getting the wrong end of your stick?!

LC

Broken_hearted

No I'm tired of the ones who do it for no reason because they felt like spending/wasting money. Some people on this board have really struggled and they have my full support others have no-one to blame but themselves.

Leicestercat

whether you count me as one of the ones who declared myself bankrupt/built up debts 'for no reason' BH I dont care, but one thing I would reccommend you do is stretch your imagination to the possibility that some of us have a serious problem with finiancial management and spending money isnt always about WASTING or SQUANDERING money!

Its a very difficult trap to get out of once the circle starts and I really do feel that at times you should have more empathy for people on here - we have all been through alot, THIS FORUM IS NOT FOR YOU TO COME ON HERE AND JUDGE PEOPLE AND MAKE COMMENTS THAT COULD TRULY HURT PEOPLE. Its not just this thread ive seen you do this before. Ive a good mind to report you.
I think you should keep your opinions to yourself and base your comments on advice from now on - thats what people come on here for - not for judgement! ive let myself go here with my opinions but do feel the need as you have genuinely upset me. i come on here for support, not criticism!!

Just because I have spent thousands of pounds and have no assets at the end does not mean that i simply WASTED any money. FYI I did spent alot of my money on LIVING and TRANSPORT costs to see a seriously ill relative whilst at university, but i have no need to justify what i spent my money on to you.

YOU are not the OR!

I do not wish to upset you BH but look at your name, all of us on here are brokenhearted in some way or another and feel that others do not deserve your anger - we all have problems to deal with.

LC

Broken_hearted

I'm not angry just dissapointed.

maxmycardagain

This is an interesting issue

The Judge declared you BR, I suspect the OR cannot overturn that regardless of how flippant your use of the cash/debt was, if you borrowed £20,000 to buy a racing car which got destroyed in a race would that be flippant? If you used £10,000 for flying lessons to get a pilots licence would the OR object? would either of these get you a BRO/BRU - which is surely the only stick they have to beat you with.