Named on divorce papers

hazzie123

I was conned by a bloke who told me he was seperated from his wife,but he wasn`t. He was also rodgering another lass aswell as me,but she knew he was with his wife and even went out drinking with the pair of them.

The first I knew of him still being with his missus was when she phoned me to ask if I was having sex with her husband.I told her everything,was completely honest and admitted that I did.She had managed to get hold of his mobile phone where he had not deleted all my texts and the ones he sent to me,also he never deleted them from the other lass he was having it away with.

Now I`m getting named on their divorce papers as the adultress,so I wanna know what happens?
Do I need to get a solicitor?
Do I see her solicitor?
Will this effect me in the future?

celyn90

Hi hazzie,

As far as I know, it is not normally the case to name another party if you are divorcing for adultary - normally they go in as adultery with an unnamed person. It isn't done because you can now technically contest facts in the divorce petition and stop it happening or draw it out. Would be worth getting a half hour appointment with a solicitor to put your mind at rest.

Technically she can claim costs against you as the co-respondent. Do the papers you have been sent suggest that costs are being claimed against you? it shouldn't be a massive problem - adultery is a hard fact to use to divorce unless the other party is willing to co-operate as it relies on a confession of "physical contact" that can be proven or cold hard evidence such as the birth of a child. You don't have to talk to her solictor, but I think that it might be worth just suggesting that she amend her petition to adultary with an unnamed person. The risk of you contesting the petition is something that they won't want as it will be very costly for her.

It doesn't affect you in the long run, if it goes through with your name on it then you will be named on their divorce decrees (I think) but that is it but watch she is not trying to claim costs against you.

Hope you get it sorted, cel x

margaretclare

It doesn't affect you in the long run, if it goes through with your name on it then you will be named on their divorce decrees (I think) but that is it but watch she is not trying to claim costs against you.

Oh yes, this may be the ploy. Trying to claim costs against you or part of your assets as part of the settlement. Blaming you for the break-up and wanting you to pay for it.

I thought this was unusual nowadays - I thought most divorce solicitors accepted the fact that a break-up is a break-up, 'irretrievably broken down', and didn't go looking for someone to blame.

You need legal advice.

Margaret

hazzie123

OMG,thats not good news.I`m gunna go to the CAB and ask them what usually happens in these cases.

Like I said he told me he was seperated and I really dont see that it`s my fault and I should be dragged into this.

Thank you for your replies,all advice welcome.

hannahsmummy1

obviously slightly different in your case, but when hubbys ex wife tried to name me on their divorce papers- i told her to go ahead, because- i hadnt even met him when they started divorce proceedings- so her trying to put me down for the reason for their split, a year or more before i even met my hubby would have been quite funny i thought!

margaretclare

hannahsmummy1 wrote: »

obviously slightly different in your case, but when hubbys ex wife tried to name me on their divorce papers- i told her to go ahead, because- i hadnt even met him when they started divorce proceedings- so her trying to put me down for the reason for their split, a year or more before i even met my hubby would have been quite funny i thought!

Well, I wasn't the cause of DH's split from his ex, the marriage was dead in the water long before, but I was almost dragged into it because I was his life-raft, his port in a storm. He was renting my spare bedroom but ex and her solicitor-from-hell refused to believe that. We were both 62 at the time and being accused of adultery could have seemed funny except that ex wanted a 'full and frank' disclosure of all MY assets (a mortgaged bungalow plus retirement pension) as well as his (JSA and not much else).

Eventually she went too far, a judge put his foot down, and DH got his 'clean break'. But it does show what kind of ploys unscrupulous, grasping and predatory people can get up to.

Margaret

celyn90

margaretclare wrote: »

Oh yes, this may be the ploy. Trying to claim costs against you or part of your assets as part of the settlement. Blaming you for the break-up and wanting you to pay for it.

I don't know how successful these cases are; it's so rare - especially these days removing the "fault" aspect of divorce is regarded as a good thing. I would think probably not very, but I don't know and even if, maybe the cost of the decree but not much else. Doesn't stop people trying it on though.

OP, It is very much in your favour that you didn't know he was hitched - you didn't go in with the pretext of damaging a marriage.

If the liasion is short, then normally it would be sent through as unreasonable behaviour rather than adultery I would have thought. Adultery is very difficult to prove, unreasonable behaviour is very subjective.

Adultery can be cited in a divorce petition whether the parties are are still living together or have separated, but in either case no more than six months must have elapsed since the petitioner became aware of the adultery before the petition is sent to the court, unless the adultery is continuing. So if you your liason happened more than six months before you got the papers then she can't hold it against you anyway.

From re-reading your post, I just wanted to ask have you recieved papers stating you are a co-respondent (a formal copy of their divorce petition) or have you just had a solictors letter threatening she will name you?

margaretclare wrote: »

Well, I wasn't the cause of DH's split from his ex, the marriage was dead in the water long before, but I was almost dragged into it because I was his life-raft, his port in a storm. He was renting my spare bedroom but ex and her solicitor-from-hell refused to believe that. We were both 62 at the time and being accused of adultery could have seemed funny except that ex wanted a 'full and frank' disclosure of all MY assets (a mortgaged bungalow plus retirement pension) as well as his (JSA and not much else).

Eventually she went too far, a judge put his foot down, and DH got his 'clean break'. But it does show what kind of ploys unscrupulous, grasping and predatory people can get up to.

This sounds like my situation - we moved into a 2-bed flat as friends after we both split from our partners (no kids/property/pensions) and she is blaming me for the split - which is just rubbish; he was self harming because of the things she did. She is after money now (OH has no assets, but she is after potential earnings)and we're just waiting for the fall out; especially as her Gucci habit is the main cause of his 14K debt. I'm waiting to named if she cross-petitions and I will contest if she does. We haven't even done what she is accusing us of.

hazzie123

I haven`t recieved any papers,his missus just phoned me wanting every gory detail and said I was getting named as the adultress.

I have decided that I will not sign any papers as I didn`t know they had not split up,plus the fact he is still boning the other lass who he was doing before I even came on the scene.

I`m not responsible for her husband lying and sleeping about.

floss2

Maybe she wanted a scapegoat & wouldn't admit to herself that the other person was part of the situation - especially if other person was a "friend".

bank_of_slate

Sounds like he needs his bits lopping off and mounting on a spike in the town centre as a warning to others!
...Linda xx

paddy's_mum

To use the word accurately, he is the one who committed adultery which is defined as intercourse with someone not your spouse. Unless you are yourself married, you cannot be 'charged' with adultery.

I suspect that your wisest course may be to simply deny that you told his wife anything, refuse to play ball in any way, and wash your hands of the whole messy situation. The wife's petition may cite you as the co-respondent but if I remember correctly, you have to sign your agreement that you did have intercourse with the person being divorced before your name can be formally entered into the paperwork. I agree with an earlier reply by celyn that names don't need to be named if the husband signs a confirmation that he has committed adultery with just 'someone'.

In the wife's shoes, I'd be getting rid of this piece of rubbish as fast as I could and since you tell us he has two girlfriends on the go, I suspect that the wife will not be too worried about who might get caught in the crossfire. I appreciate that he was not honest and that this is an unfortunate situation for you but divorce papers are sealed documents and there should be no come-back later if she does cite you in the divorce, however unfair that may seem to you now.

Since he has been sleeping around, I'd be more concerned with getting my sexual health checked out than worrying about what a disinterested divorce court judge may think about me. Judges have seen it all before!