possible to have an "informal" chat with mortgage advisor?

Mrs_pbradley936

donkeyman18 wrote: »

If my parents were bribing me to get married I'd tell them where to stick it.

We gave our son and daughter-in-law £10K as a wedding present towards a house. I would not have done so had they not been married because I would hope that marriage would be permanent and that she would become long term family and any grandchildren would benefit. I would not do so knowing that it was a casual relationship because I could well see half of my money going off into the distance should they split up. As it turned out after 6 years they did split up and out gift became a loan which required paying back from the equity. A solicitor arranged both the sum and all the strings attached but basically had they stayed together the loan would never have been called back.

Phirefly

Hmm interesting argument. I'd accept help from Mutty & Pa and Mr.P wouldn't have a problem with that, but even if Hyacinth and Victor hadn't have bought their French Pile (of !!!!!!) and gifted the money to us instead, I don't know if I could have accepted.... Hyacinth constantly reminding me how we might not have managed it were it not for their generosity.... Victor grumbling at our choice of wallpaper adorning their 'investment'....

morg_monster

Hm well I can see where you are coming from about the marriage thing but it isn't like that at all!

Firstly and most importantly, its my parents' money so they are free to impose any conditions they like on how we use their money as far as I'm concerned. It was a big surprise to me that this money was available and so it isn't like I had been "counting" on it; it doesn't replace my own contribution to the deposit/mortgage.
Secondly, we've been together for 7 years and dad knows (and knew before he told us of this gift) we are both "in favour" of marriage and that is where we are headed. If we definitely were NOT going to get married anytime soon, I should think my dad would still give me the money but would make sure we had the proper paperwork in place to protect me and him. If we are getting married, then it is a gift to both of us, not just me - I think this is the main point, it isn't a property investment for him, it is an investment in our future as a family together and his future grandchildren. Plus dad's made it clear that the gift has no other conditions on it, we aren't beholden to him to make any particular decisions, etc.
Thirdly, we could afford to buy without their help so it isn't like this is blackmail of any kind.

As far as my richer OH is concerned ... he is very grateful for their help as it will give us more options (ie bigger deposit or cash to be used for renovations) and definitely doesn't see it as blackmail! He is not the kind of guy to do anything under coercion and again he knows we don't need their help. I can see that some people might not want this kind of help and "tell them where to stick it" but this isn't him. But thanks for thinking of his feelings! We are more concerned about his parents' feelings and making sure they don't feel in any way like they should contribute (since they can't afford to).

morg_monster

dannyboycey wrote: »

With a joint income of 71k and a 15k deposit for a first house, I fail to see why you'd accept this kind of 'donation'.

Because we're buying in London :eek: ! And it makes my dad happy to help us. And just because you wouldn't accept this kind of 'donation' doesn't mean that other people wouldn't. If we didn't want it, i think my dad would accept it, but would be quite hurt.

dannyboycey wrote: »

I'd prefer to be independent and happy in the knowledge that the house is my own.

It will be ours, in the same way that a set of saucepans bought for a wedding present would be ours. We both have very boring, happy families on both sides, I can't foresee any situation where I'd feel beholden to dad over this or it would ever cause any problem. He earns a lot, and he wants to share this with the people he loves - he knows me and my bro will never have anywhere the QoL he and mum have had - lucky baby boomers!