Is being in debt making me ill?

poppy10_2

Hi sugar, please do post an SOA and we can give you some advice. The credit card should be the priority to pay off first.

Are the debts in your name or in joint names?

duchy

Chances are you are suffering from depression-as someone else says it's very common both for mothers with young children AND for people battling debt. Sometimes it just feels like life is one big slog and depression saps your already diminished energy.
As you say you have your debts under control-you have a partner and two (I'm sure) lovely kids so maybe go and have a chat with your GP-and see what they say.
Can you trade off babysitting with friends instead of paying for one ? You do a night for them in exchange for them doing a night for you ? That kind of thing. Or just invite people to your home so you still get to socialise without the babysitting costs.
I found when my son was small and my OH was working stupidly long hours that making a point of getting out of the house every day-even if it was just to go to the park made a huge difference to my general mood and enthusiasim for life.

Biffa

Sugarpants,

Been there, done that, couldn't afford the t-shirt at the time. It's horrible, and it does put a massive strain on relationships.

You say you're in control of your debts, so I'm not going to harp on about them. But it sounds to me like you're suffering from depression. Have you been to your doctors? If not, please go and see them for a chat. Depression is due to a chemical imbalance in the brain, and may need medication for you to feel better. Being on anti-depressants will help you to feel better and give you more coping ability.

Secondly, have you heard of Relate? We've been to them a couple of times when things have been rocky, and they're a great help. You should be able to find them in your phone book. Give them a bell and they'll make an appointment for you to go along for an assessment and will discuss with you if they think they can help. You don't have to go together if you don't want to, but if gives you an outlet to let off a bit of steam.

Hope this helps a bit.

Wol2

Hi Sugarpants

Depression (and feeling low... which most of us describe as depression...but is not what is catgorised as CLINICAL depression....) can also be due to the fact that you may be beating up on yourself....TOO MUCH!!...and if you're OH doesn;t want to make love...then you may also be feeling rejected.... which will be contributing to your situation of feeling perhaps unworthy, unattractive, not valued etc...as well as feeling you're not getting where you want to be fast enough.

I have been clinically depressed for the last 4 months, having been dumped by text by my partner of 4 years ...and we hadn't had sex for two years!! I had no idea how much that had affected me, and contributed to my current situation.. until now!! I am very fortunate in that I can affrod to pay privately for a Gestalt therapist ..who has been wonderful....so here is a couple of things I;ve learnt over the last few months...hope it;s of use!

First start of start by trying to understand your own feelings ...exactly when do you feel low and what has prompted it. Is it the debt or is it a reponse (or lack of response) from your OH...or is it in response to something ANOther has said....or is it because you are developing negative thoughts about yourself...... It may be combination of all of these..

Most importantly, you have to develop you own sense of self-worth...easier said than done...but it is important that YOU do this for yourself and don't look to OH or anyone else to "validate" your self worth for you. Then you can start to move forwards to address the other problems you talk about

If you are really struggiling,...then by all means go and see your GP.

However, (and I may be wrong), it sounds to me that at the moment you need a few big HUGS...from people who really do know where you;re at ...can empathise and understand your current feelings....and wish you all the best. Keep in touch..as we'll be here for you and if you want to put up information pertinent to you situation, then we will do our best to help

Hand in there ......you are a special person!!


BIIIIGGG HUGS....and Much love
Wol2
xxx

sugarpants_2

Thankyou Everyone!!!! Your Posts Have Really Cheered Me Up This Morning

Also, Last Night Dh & I Had A Good Chat About Things (after A Beer Or 2) And We Have Made Up. And Even Managed To Have A Bit Of Hanky Panky Too!

Dh Did Get Upset And Hates The Fact That We Are Struggling But We Are Both Going To Try And Keep Our Chins Up And Look At The Things Weve Acheived So Far Our 2 Beautiful Children (who Are Very Behaved And Gorgeous!) And We Are In A 3 Bed House (rented But Still A Roof Over Our Heads!)

So Were Surviving Hopefully Things Will Get Better Over The Next Few Mths

Cyber Hugs To You All Xxx

monkey22_2

Hi Sugarpants,

We're in very a similar situation.
We have 2 boys aged 4 and 1 and another 1 due in May:eek: .We have a LOT of debt but the stress of dealing with that has lessened since doing a DMP - at least there's no interest so we can see the debt coming a teeny weeeny bit each month.
We also rent a 3 bed house, something we will never ever be able to buy. I don't care one bit about not being on the property ladder especially when I have friends whose mortgage has gone through the roof over the past 6 months and who may lose their home.
There's no point stressing over what you haven't got, you've got to focus on what you DO have.
I realised one day that we would be paying back this debt for a LONG time so there was no point wishing the time away until we were debt free - we had to do whatever it takes to be happy NOW.

With regards to holidays, we use the Sun's £9.50 offer or save up our Tesco vouchers to use with Haven - being a DFW means learning to love caravans:rotfl:

sugarpants_2

Monkey 22

Good luck wiht your 3rd child due in may

My childen are aged 5 and 20mths.

Unlike you, we really want to be on the ladder as were worried we wont have any money/securit to leave to our children when we die. I know we sounds daft but I think we both like to feel secure.

Since renting we have moved 3 times in 5 years which makes us feel not secure and settled. Also hate throwing away 'dead' money. Also hate our fat greedy landlord. haha

I like the idea of £9.50 holiday with the sun bt think we missed that one this year. Grr. I think we have decided to stay at home in April and enjoy the garden and soft play centres haha!

sugarpants_2

Oh just had a brainwave!..........

Might do a car boot next weekend and see if we can raise £100

Might be able to get a short UK break away for this money???!

Will see what DH says later. We have so much rubbish in the garage which will make us a heap of cash