my fault!!!!

ginalove

i have just read lesley's post about the o.r. being lovely !!! as such. my fears are our debts are entirely our fault , when my o.h. and i met quite late in life--him44 me 31-- we bought the house then it like putting kids in a toffee shop -- do u want a credit card? have another! take a loan pay them off-- this credit card is much better, we'll increase your limit --have it!!. i cant see someone being quite so considerate when , cypruss tenerife ibiza spain skegness borth st ives paignton ect are involved --dont get me wrong the kids and us have enjoyed the pleasure now is the pain this isnt the whole story but i cant help feeling that the o.r. will have something to say about it!! i myself have been suffering from deppression/anxiety because i have been trying to deal with it --to protect my hubby he works hard -he shouldnt have the worry but he knows now --hey what a relief. i find great strength from this forum cos for whatever reason we've all been or going there many thanks to all of you much love and respect gina

LesleyL_2

Gina sweetie, everything we do in life is our responsibility, doesnt make it all our fault

we all react to circumstances and we all of us have spent on our cards recklessly, wanting things we couldnt pay for immediately.

If I had to stand up and tell you all the things on my cards that are "my fault" it would be all of it. There were signs way way back when I should have done something about it but as you say, the lure of spending is hard to resist and if we think we can manage it we do, and then when we cant we try and borrow out of it and get into deeper sh*t

I have holidays and all sorts of un necessary things on my cards.....
We have ALL done all of that
so stop beating yourself about the head (((hugs)))
You are doing a good thing by changing it now
and there is still time to start again whatever age you are now and get it "right" next time

Lesley
xx

caseyj

Im not a fibber but id probably forget to mention a few of the holidays,and concentrate on how much ive spent on the cost of living;)

mum2one

Oh, Gina, youve taken the hardest step by going bankrupt, if you asked anybody and they answered honestly, they would all say the same, loan to pay of credit card, hols, if i get depressed, I go straight to the travel sites, not a good idea!

We all cope with things differently, my problems started when I fell pregant, and being off sick from the pregnancy, i went off sick at 7 weeks gone, although this was back in 2002, i went from 13 1/5k job, plus bonuses, so I was taking home roughly 1k a month, great for a single perso living at home paying a minimum, the rest went on cards, holidays, new clothes for the holidays, then to drop to 250 per month ssp, I ended up in a right mess.

Ive paid a wack off, but have had lapses and brought clothes just to feel good, still had a few hols, and robbing Peter to pay Paul.

When you tell the OR, he would have heard it all before, and even worst stories than yours, you need to look after you, your husband and children, there the most important people in all this. xx

ginalove

thanks to you all for support ,i'm still going to lose this "bricks and mortar" that is our home i feel endlessly concerned about this !! i am not in a happy place mentally at the mo, but it is getting more positive as time go's by i am beggining to feel it is not the end of the world ! little steps !! thanks for pm lesley but cant fathom how to reply cheers all bedtime now school a.m. kids are a great reason to stay sane are'nt they? ginaxx

LesleyL_2

hi again Gina

losing my beautiful home was my biggest heartbreak second to losing my Mum so I know where you are coming from, there are many people going through this, look at Scarletts thread, you will find a lot of help in that as Scarlett has been very inspiring all through that process

its tough whilst its happening but if it has to happen, the best thing I can advise is to try and find the advantages of the new situation

what I focus on now is that I dont have to worry any more about maintenance, if there's a problem with the roof, the washing machine or whatever, I get on the phone to the landlord, that is a huge weight off my mind, no unexpected repair bills or responsibility

if and when I decide to move I wont have the months and months wait for a sale and the dreaded "buyer dropping out" situations, I can call the landlord and say, Im off in a month

for you there will be different advantages but there WILL be some

and as for the kids - I thought kids were the reason we all go insane lol

Lesley

mum2one

LesleyL wrote: »

hi again Gina

losing my beautiful home was my biggest heartbreak second to losing my Mum so I know where you are coming from, there are many people going through this, look at Scarletts thread, you will find a lot of help in that as Scarlett has been very inspiring all through that process

its tough whilst its happening but if it has to happen, the best thing I can advise is to try and find the advantages of the new situation

what I focus on now is that I dont have to worry any more about maintenance, if there's a problem with the roof, the washing machine or whatever, I get on the phone to the landlord, that is a huge weight off my mind, no unexpected repair bills or responsibility

if and when I decide to move I wont have the months and months wait for a sale and the dreaded "buyer dropping out" situations, I can call the landlord and say, Im off in a month

for you there will be different advantages but there WILL be some

and as for the kids - I thought kids were the reason we all go insane lol

Lesley

couldnt figure out how to extract - but men have got to take some of the blame!!!x

LesleyL_2

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

nomoneyprobs

mum2one wrote: »

couldnt figure out how to extract - but men have got to take some of the blame!!!x

:eek: I can't believe you've posted that........... MEN are faultless, they always have been and always will be I'm sure my fellow " brothers " will be along to confirm my statement :beer:


p.s, Good luck with the future, as time goes on and things become clearer you'll cope with whatever BR throws at you x

jaysgirl

Gina most of us are here because we have been reckless with spending, it does not matter wether it was holidays , tv,s or any other such thing. We are most of us guilty of wanting what we could not afford .
It is in the learning of lessons, and moving on ahead you have to look to.
It is probably easy for me to say because I did not loose my home, it is local authority.

My heart goes out all who are loosing their homes , I cannot it imagine how you feel.

But a future without debt and worry must be beneficial to your family and relationships within it.

I am sure you will look back on this time in the future with a much wiser head and a happier one too.
Jaysgirl

FeelingLow

Gina i have been where you are, & its not a nice place, like you its hard to get your head around the "bricks & morter" feeling, & it hurt me like hell when i gave up our home, to me it was a home that i never thought i could replace, but now 3mths after moving into a beautiful rented house this is now becoming or home & I can look back & call my old house just that "a house"

i hope that makes sense & you should be proud of yourself for firstly admitting there is a problem & secondly doing something about it hun