ADVICE PLEASE, Hubby Hid Debts...Update

Willa_2

I hadn't thought of that...if hubby is out of town...at least we can't argue. But I am sick and tired of being alone all the time. When he was doing his trucking business he was out of town most of the time. Leaving me to take care of the house and animals, and earn virtually all of the money. It would be a lot easier to deal with, if at least I had some help with the bills. There are also a lot of repairs that need to be done around here, and it's a bit scary to travel in the inland Northwest (Washington State) in the winter knowing there is no one I can call if I get in trouble on the road.

As far as the shop, It's a very large building. That's where I store the books for my business. It's also full of all the things we hauled up here during our move. I have to admit most of that is mine. I have a lot of gardening stuff. Nursery tables, light tables, potting benches, and so forth. They were things I didn't want to have to purchase again. Now I look at all that stuff, and shudder to think how much money I spent. They also feel like a ball and chain, if I do decide to leave, I'll have to deal with all that stuff. I do consider them assets in the sense that I've made a nice little side income with my plants in the past.

miggy

Hi there Willa,
I've been following your thread but don't have the know-how some of these folks have so I've kept quiet. When you mentioned gardening, though...! Could you start this sideline again, make a bit of cash and also grow your own food? Can you spare time from your main business to do this? There is a section of this forum about growing your own fruit & veg.
I have sold plants on ebay before - there was certainly a US market for them (I had spares of succulents and of English cottage-garden type plants). Of course export regulations meant I couldn't actually sell them to the US from the UK without some sort of licence, so I wouldn't be competing with you!
This is of course the ideal time to be thinking about sowing for the coming months :rolleyes:
All the best
Miggy

sarahpeck

Hi Willa,

I've just read all the way through your thread and just wanted to say 'chin up' you're in the best place.

Most of the things I picked up on in your thread have already been mentioned, ie, cutting back in a few areas, savvy shopping, homegrown veg and growing plants to sell. The only thing not mentioned is your worry about the Dodge. If you do have to sell it is there any way you could remove the 'chip' and sell it separately? If you have to sell the truck with the chip could you not get more money for it by advertising it as an added extra?

Good luck

Willa_2

The "chip", wherever it may reside in the innards of the truck took the better part of a day to be installed by professional mechanics, so I assume cannot be easily removed. Yeah, the truck has all kinds of extras (I'm guessing perhaps around $10,000 worth of extras, to an already top-of-the-line model that put us back nearly $50,000. Meanwhile, I'm driving a 1999 Subaru with lots of miles on it, which I purchased with my own money.

I think that truck purchase was where all of this mess began. Hubby was driving a company car. His parents gave him $6,000, and he was going to use that for a downpayment on a vehicle. When we went shopping, he couldn't get a loan (at that time he had NOTHING on credit), so I agreed to put the loan into my name. When it came time to sign the papers, he told me he no longer had the $6,000, he had $2,000 left, but needed it to put a rack in the back of the truck for his work. That's when I should have seen a red flag, and insisted on him following through on his word, and finding out WHAT happened to the money (I know a lot of it went into his computer).

Now I can't look at the damn thing without feeling !!!!ed off. He still doesn't want to sell it, and dontcha know...the loan is in my name....but title is held in both of our names.

I sure appreciate this site, I am way out in the "sticks", new to the community, and have held off in confiding in anybody but my mother. I fear if I choose to stay, and we work things out, it will have an affect on the opinion others hold of him. Somebody asked me if the kids know. Not details. THey know I am strapped for money at the moment, and are very understanding about that. Times are tight all over in the US right now. Must be nice for Europe though, you can buy a lot more here now. I've noticed how many more overseas sales I have these days. BTW, is cowboy stuff big over there? I've been selling a lot of Western Americana to the UK...

whitewing

Willa,

For now I think you have to accept the truck is staying. Sounds quite cool actually - i'm sure my son would love to see a picture (not meaning to upset you).

I agree that it's probably best not to say too much in your new community for now; if you pick the wrong person, it could all add to your grief. What's the minister like at church? If a kindly soul, it would be worth having an open & confidential chat with him/her. You will be amazed at the support you will get simply by offloading on to one or two trustworthy people who are nearby..

Fear can make us unfriendly and unapproachable, but I've had some great kindnesses shown to me when I set up my business. And I've actually found that the more honest (but taking action) I am the more people will go out of their way to help.

Talk some more to us today. What are you going to so next?

sarahpeck

Willa,

Truck does sound fab, I love Dodges always have done and when I'm rich (ha ha) am gonna buy one and import it. (It would probably have to sit on the drive 6 days out of 7 as it would cost a fortune in Diesel!!!) Anyway not wanting to rub in the sore point of having the truck I'll change track.

I agree with whitewing about possibly confiding in the minister. Just offloading to someone will make things feel 'lighter'. I know you're offloading here but to do it face to face is more personal. Me, personally would not let on to neighbours etc as you don't want them to speculate. Everyone has money situations they just don't need to know the details. Don't forget this is temporary, you will get through this.

Anyway the reason for me posting again was because I had a little idea. You said you didn't want to stop donating to the church, well does the church hold fete's/fundraising events? The idea I had was for you to use your gardening equipment to grow plants, herbs and flowers for the church to sell. That way you could reduce your donation, give more time and the church could keep the takings from the plants. Hopefully the takings would make up for the reduction in your donation.

Does that sound any good? If I think of anything else I'll let you know.

kittiej

Would taking in a lodger be a viable option? Or B&B?

Perhaps you could grow produce to barter with?

Anyhow, you don't need to feel lonely, you can natter to us.

Let us know how you get on, I'm sure there are plenty of us on here that remember only too well the recession we had a few years ago.

Best of luck xx

sarahpeck

Willa,
This may sound daft but have you spoken to the banks you owe to see if they can reduce the interest rates? Atleast two of your debts have rates in their 20's. If you can reduce the rate but can afford to keep the repayments the same you'll be paying them off quicker! You don't necessarily have to tell them your situation just say that another institution is offering a better rate and you were thinking about moving the debt to get a better deal. They may reduce the rate to keep your custom.

Told you I'd be back if I thought of something else!

P.S. Just noticed your question about the western stuff, not sure where the market is (linedancing?) but I do keep getting outbid on cowboy boots on ebay uk!! (very annoying)

fletch3163

......... about posting (still not sure I'll submit)

Willa, I don't pretend to imagine how bad you're feeling, but I certainly know what it is to be alone with a burning issue whilst your husband is not here. I partially conduct my marriage over the phone these days (needs must) but it is just this I want to ask you about.

Your husband is away for 10 days working, using an expensive tool (the Dodge) to do the job. What's in it for him? I remember similar a few weeks ago on this forum where a woman did some form of party planning and what she needed for stock, time and petrol by far outweighed any takings she would get and the overwhelming advice was to cut her losses. Surely if the work is costing more than it is yielding it's time to rethink. At 55 changing course can't be easy.

My post is quite contradictory on a couple of points (sorry)

On one hand you could be resentful of his spending but on the other you have every right to be.

One one hand your husband could be ashamed he's put you both in this mess but on the other he might just want to continue being "enabled" to carry on with it.

Ultimately you've had your lightbulb moment and you're waiting for him to have his.

I've been watching CNN today here in Britain, specifically on your healthcare system. Your other thread says you're not sure your husband's job has the insurance. With your health issues surely it's majorly important to secure that before anything else gets done.

I'm sorry for my long post but I just want you to know we all may not know each other but we care enough to have an opinion. Also, if I've left loose ends around this thread I apologise, I've edited it so many times because I absolutely don't want to be judgemental.

Good luck