ADVICE PLEASE, Hubby Hid Debts...Update

RAS

just lost the post and have to go soon, but well done for what you are doing so far. totally with you on the truck.

You do need to get the monthly items to balance somehow whatever happens.

Is OH income the amount he brings home, or the amount he has after her has piad all his expenses (based on you saying he lost $14K in the first four months). Would it actually be more cost effective for him to take that $12 an hour job and have a steady job with few outgoings? Wallop for his pride but...

I do not think OH has had his "light bulb moment yet. You cannot make him but that does not mean you are responsible for protecting him from the consequences of his action.

And I know it is hard but do any of your kids know about this?

Do you have pay for click and survey sites in the US, something that can be done from home?

Willa_2

Thanks to all,

The 50 chicks I raised last year are now either in the freezer, or in the chicken coop. I have 11 hens, which are giving me 10 dozen eggs a week. I am making a few dollars a week selling my eggs, and giving some to the local food bank. Since we are new to the property, which had NOTHING on it, but a house and shop, the garden didn't produce much last year. I think we can easily cut out $100/month on the food. Unfortunately, money-wise, but fortunately health-wise, we are foodies. It is hard to pass by the Stilton, the olive oil, fresh crab...but cooking fresh is a lot cheaper. We have made a decision to no longer buy supermarket meat. We have a share in a grassfed steer, which last year ended up costing far less than meat from the market. My chickens were a bit tough, but this spring I'm going to get a different breed. We are going to buy a share in a pig this summer. THe biggest grocery costs are the gluten-free items. Loaf of bread...$5. Crackers...$3, rice flour...$3/lb....and cheese, yogurt and tea. I'm hoping to do some bartering around here for meat and produce with my garden and chickens.

The one issue my husband and I are deadlocking on is the truck. It's his truck, but the loan is in my name. He spent huge amounts of money on that truck, and now it needs a $4,000 repair. It needs new fuel injectors, he's starting it every day with starting fluid. I want him to borrow at least enough money from his parents (my mother is as poor as a church mouse, and I don't have anybody else) to make the repair. We have enough equity in it to buy another economical vehicle. THat would get rid of one payment. I have begun struggling (since I get virtually no money for the household expenses from him) to make the payment, and we can not afford to have my credit rating go down.

I don't see any recourse here, except to get a mortgage, it would take us years to pay this off otherwise, and tens of thousands of dollars in interest charges. It was my dream to have a house paid for...oh well, I'll have to suck it up. The THING IS...we have to live on what we earn after that. No credit cards. Cash only. I want to start investing money in our future, instead of credit companies.

I am not willing to suspend my WorldVision sponsorship. That sponsorship helps an entire family for now and the future. Even now, with this mess, I have SO much compared to that village in Rwanda. If I have to, I'll drink Lipton tea instead of Twinings. Much the same about church contributions. We have a tiny church, and every penny counts. I could do some volunteer work, and cut my monetary contribution down. In fact, all we could come up with last Sunday was $15.

Well, back to the books. You all are helping my mental state a lot. Yesterday morning I was shaking with anger and sadness.

Lavendyr

Hi Willa, I'm not usually a regular on here but I saw your post and couldn't not reply. I sympathise with your situation but also especially with your desire to keep up the payments for church and for World Vision...but as another poster said, you simply can't give away what you don't have, and right now you are spending beyond your means - you don't have the money to give right now. Please think carefully about it.

Willa wrote: »

My income: $2,200
Hubby's income: $1,500

Power: $100 - can you cut this down? are you with the cheapest supplier? Can you check that you are turning appliances off properly rather than leaving on stand-by, fit low-energy light bulbs, shower instead of bath, and so on?
DSL Service: $60 (necessary for my online business)
Cell Phone: shared $100 (necessary for my business-data plan)
Netflix Service $19 (by mail DVDs-we don't have television)
Email Service: $19 - I don't know quite how this works in the US but $19 plus $60 for DSL sounds very high...are you sure you're getting the best deal?
Fuel: $300 (we are rural, 45 miles to nearest town) - how often do you need to go into town? Can you cut this down at all? Can you car share with neighbours thereby cutting down on the amount of fuel you use? Do you have an economical car?
Home Insurance: $50 - again this seems a bit high to me, is this the best deal you can get?
Car Insurance: $100 - again this seems a bit high to me, is this the best deal you can get?
Property Tax: $100 - is this like council tax? do you have to pay every month or is it only 10 months out of 12? Are you entitled to any federal support (if such a thing exists)?
Dog Food Etc.: $100 (we have four Australian Shepherds, figures incl. Vet) - what do you feed them on? If meat, can you switch to dried food (which is also better for most dogs)? Otherwise do you have a local butcher you can do a deal with to get his end-cuts of meat?
Food Etc. $500 (I'm allergic to wheat, need special foods) - this is high and these days it is relatively easy and cheap to eat wheat-free. Have a real good look at this area and see where you can save - for instance by meal planning ahead each week/fortnight and using up what you have before buying more
Eating Out: $100 - this must go entirely
Haircuts: $40 - ditto, can you cut the kids'/hubbies hair and get yours done by a friend?
Health Insurance: $220 - this appears to be very high, can you get a better deal?
Clothing: $40 - shop in second-hand stores, charity shops, cut down on purchases
Gifts: $180 (5 kids, 25 people on our gift list) - again I'm sorry but this must go down, this is a lot to spend on gifts every month and I am certain that your friends and family will understand and support your brave decision
Entertainment: $30
Misc: $50 (my husbands hunting licenses, magazines, misc)
Church: $100 - for me a big part of church is to support others in times of hardship, I am certain that your community would rally around you and help you as much as they can. Church is a wonderful source of love and aid and you have clearly given so much to your church already. Give others the chance to help you and I am certain that they will reach out to you and support you with all they have - and don't feel you have to keep giving money in return, because it's something you can't give right now. So give your love and your support and your time and your prayers - all of these things are worth so much more than money.
WorldVision Sponsorship: $35 (child in Rwanda)
Gardening supplies and Bird Food: $25

chevalier

Personally I can't add anything to the statement of accounts that have already mentioned. But I would keep the World Vision in Rwanda, just have to fund it from other sources, like cutting down your church contributions.

I would still look at whether if the loan is in your name for the truck, whether that means that you have a right to sell it if you can't keep up the payments. I mean if you said to your OH, right I can't pay this anymore, either you pay me the loan amount a month, or else it is going to default, what would he do then. Surely it is better to get the work done, and sell it rather than have it reposessed and get peanuts for it. You have to spell out to him that this WILL be the consequence of stubbornly hanging onto it.

I would also go on to basic rations for yourselves. Drive home the point that you have no money. Maybe by going through his stomach (ie basic rations to keep body and soul together no fancy stuff), it will make the point that he has to pull his weight.

I would REALLY REALLY NOT consoldiate these debts onto your mortgage. Two reasons 1) if the current loans/credit cards are front loaded with interest then you are paying interest on the original loan amount, and then interest on the interest (ie you are paying interest twice). 2) If you wipe out his debts for him AGAIN, how is he going to learn that money doesn't grow on trees, and he has to make like a man, and earn his way out of debt, not expect you to bail him out.

And for that matter all his luxuries have to go like the mags, hunting licence. Tell him if he wants them then he works HIS butt off to earn the money for them. You only have enough to pay for essentials and these aren't essentials.

good luck with this. I really feel for you
chev

neverdespairgirl

Hi - I've added some comments in red, hope that helps!

Willa wrote: »

My income: $2,200
Hubby's income: $1,500

Power: $100
DSL Service: $60 (necessary for my online business)
Cell Phone: shared $100 (necessary for my business-data plan)
Netflix Service $19 (by mail DVDs-we don't have television)
Email Service: $19
Fuel: $300 (we are rural, 45 miles to nearest town)
Home Insurance: $50 -
Car Insurance: $100 - both the house and car insurance sound quite high, could you shop around at the next renewal?
Property Tax: $100
Dog Food Etc.: $100 (we have four Australian Shepherds, figures incl. Vet)
Food Etc. $500 (I'm allergic to wheat, need special foods) - my sister is a coeliac, and here in the UK she gets some foods (bread, pasta, etc) on prescription. Is there anything similar in the US? Could you meal plan, make sure you don't chuck anything out, etc? That could save you $100 a month, with care.
Eating Out: $100 - I don't think you can afford to eat out on top of a high eating-in bill at the moment?
Haircuts: $40
Health Insurance: $220 - Is this essential? I know the USA has a different healthcare system, so do you have to have health insurance? No NHS?
Clothing: $40 - for the moment, maybe wear what you have.
Gifts: $180 (5 kids, 25 people on our gift list) - for the moment, halve this. Your relatives would rather you weren't sinking into debt, I'm sure.
Entertainment: $30
Misc: $50 (my husbands hunting licenses, magazines, misc) - bin all of this for the moment - with outgoings so much higher than incomings, I think you have to.
Church: $100 - ditto
WorldVision Sponsorship: $35 (child in Rwanda)
Gardening supplies and Bird Food: $25

DEBTS

Chase: $21,900 22.99% (payment $550)
USBank $19,900 12.99 $350)
PayPal: $ 2,100 21.9% $ 90)
Home Improvement Loan: $12,000 6.9% $536)
Truck Loan $10,200 5.9% $286)

Hubby's Debts

Don't know the interest rates, also, since he just defaulted on a couple, the rate is likely to go up)

BofA: $7,843 (payment $250)
Gas Card: $ 889 (payment $ 50)
PayPal: 497 (payment $ 50)
Wamu: 694 (payment $ 50)
Wells: 4,027 (payment $100)

All payments listed are minimum payments required.

Total Debts: $ 68,050

Total Income Monthly: $ 3,700
Outgo: $ 4,531

The things I've suggested for defininte amounts would save $480 a month, plus perhaps extra on insurance etc

RAS

Willa

Just before you panic - given the situation in the USA, please keep the health insurance going if you possibly can. other stuff can go, that cannot.

One of my cousins is permanently disabled because she was injured and had no health insurance. She could have been covered by her parents but refused to let the hospital contact them so was only given emergency treatment. It was only when her life was threatened that the hospital were able to contact her parents. By that time, the brain damage was permanent and the nerves beyond retrieval.

Also folks, the US dollar was two dollars to the pound recently, so you need to divide the prices Willa quotes by 2, and remember that some things are very cheap and other very expensive there.

PsiDOC

Willa wrote: »

The one issue my husband and I are deadlocking on is the truck. It's his truck, but the loan is in my name. He spent huge amounts of money on that truck, and now it needs a $4,000 repair. It needs new fuel injectors, he's starting it every day with starting fluid.

Willa. I am reading this and assuming that the truck is a diesel because of the starting fluid (AKA AeroStart in the UK). I find it hard to believe that a set of injectors would cost $4,000.
Can you please tell me what truck it is and also the engine size. I can give you an approximate price of what it would cost to get the Injectors repaired, which any good diesel truck shop can do.
Oh and good luck with the saving money.
Thanks.

PsiDOC

Willa_2

Greetings, All

Thank you SO much for giving me your time and attention. I am having a "down" evening. My emotions have been bouncing up and down for days. One minute I think: "My husband is a great guy, I have so many things to be thankful for", and the next: "What a jerk, he lied to me, he broke agreements, he completely ignored who I am." OHHHHHH

Last night I talked to my mum, who is a kind and non-judgmental person. She is the only person I've confided in. It was so odd, because I was trying to get to the bottom of WHY these financial issues are almost like life-and-death issues for me. I remembered how when I was a teenager, the mortgage company came pounding on the door, demanding payment, when I was a kid home sick from school. Scared the .... out of me. My mum calling me up, a day before she was due to leave for Germany to visit her ill mother, : "If you don't give me $1,800 by tomorrow, my house will be foreclosed on." (I was 26 years old at the time....I called her irresponsible....she hung up on me....I felt terrible...I came up with the money to bail her out....) So I can look back into my past, and see how my issues around money have evolved.

Still doesn't really help right now. I want to write abou how I'm taking control of this situation, but the truth is: I am still a mess. I simply don't know how to get beyond what my husband did. Knowing how precarious our financial situation was, but with a good outcome if he got a steady job for a few months...Having worked so hard for so long for what I had, I can't help thinking I was an idiot for just GIVING so much to him.

Somebody today said I shouldn't bail him out again (on his cards), and I'm inclined to agree. He's been all sweet and sorry the last week or two, but it doesn't really sink in. I feel used and abused. I had no Birthday present, and my Christmas present was a poem on plain white paper taped to the Christmas tree, our anniversary went by without gift either.

Tonight I'm thinking the truck is going to make or break our relationship. As someone just asked, YES IT IS A DIESEL. It is a 2003 3500 Dodge Ram, 1 Ton Dually, it is 6 cylinder. My husband had this special chip put in it (to the tune of $3,400 from the proceeds of the sale of the house) to improve the gas mileage. I remember the conversation we had, with me evaluating the parameters of the savings. "It will save so much on the fuel mileage!", hubby exclaims. Hmmm, I say...it will take 3 years at 15,000 miles a year just to pay for the cost of the chip!" Now it looks like we will have to sell it before the chip has even paid for itself.

That is the issue between us, in a nutshell. He keeps telling me I don't have faith, am too short-sighted, too paranoid. I try to look at issues from all angles, so sometimes it takes me a long time to decide on something. Wish I'd taken more time to consider my husband from all angles....

Thankful to you all, but feeling glum and lonely (hubby away for 10 days, though I will be lucky to see a few dollars from the paycheck) I am scared.

Lahana

kittiej

I know it's no consolation but at least if he's not with you you can't argue?

You mentioned that you have a shop on your property, what do you do with it?

Could you rent it out to bring in some revenue?

Burlesque_Babe

Hi Willa

Sorry you are having a down day, but don't worry about what you write or think or feel - we are all here to help you and I've had PLENTY of down days.

The thing that popped into my mind as I read the last bit of your post - just before I became debtfree, my OH was away part of the week for 12 weeks - it was the most productive I'd ever been during my journey to become debt free. I was able to focus without having to 'look after' him . Take this opportunity of 10 days on your own to think about a plan for tackling whatever you want to tackle first. You'll have the opportunity to be focused and completely in control as you won't have him around.