WHAT SHOULD i DO???

learntthehardway_2

I admire all the people on here who are steadfastly paying off their debts, cutting back, thinking twice about everything they buy, great stories and tragic ones, but I seriously think I must bite the bullet and sell my house, I'm 51 yrs old, have a partner, son (aged 14) and mother(75) who live at my house.
My story is that I owe £70,000 debt, I'm in DMP with C.C.C.S since last October, I'm paying off £752 a month, They phoned me last week for review, I asked for review as my hours went up at work. I'm now gonna pay £900 a month.....lowered years paying off from 9yrs to 7 yrs, its been a struggle and I'm slowly loosing the will to live.......I'm working all hours and now my son moaning he doesn't see me... :-(( and I sat and thought last night God !! I've got another 7 yrs of this .

My house is worth about £150,00 (dropping), I owe £45,000 on mortgage, I could sell pay off debts, leave me with about £15,000......debt free.....how wonderful my wages my own :beer: not working myself to death ,see my son and have a life.
But here comes the crunch.......my house is the family home, My mother lived here all her life with my father, I bought house in 1991, security for my mother as my father had died years ago (she has never married again ), my son loves this house and my partner has done lot of work on it. It is our home.
As for my debts , their mine not partners (moved in with me 4 yrs ago), my debts spirraled when my brother got cancer came to live with me for two years and I lived off credit looking after him, gave him a time, holidays etc he eventually died (aged 41) the family knew nothing about this and when I told my brother my debts he said "cant help you, your problem".
So do I bite the bullet and sell, start again or hang in there and keep our home ??? I'm a pretty laid back person and since brothers death and fathers (he died aged 40) I keep thinking, what my brother told me before he died "Life is short, enjoy now, take no cr*p, live it to the full, do what you have to do because in the end nothing on this planet matters when your told your gonna die in 3 months "

Thanks for reading this.......sorry if it sounds I'm a bit down.....I walk around with a facade on my face........I wish i could run away and not deal with all this........but I have to.

boredofbeingathome

You're in an absolute dilemma- so sorry to hear about it. Would some if the problem be that you have not told your mother or the rest of the family? It may help to do just that and try and work out a soultion together, Your debts were run up with the best of intentions as it was an altruistic act and i'm sure they will all see it as that. I would not tell you to sell your home as it seems from your post that so many people regard it as just that and the dilemma you face would be if i sell then i could be kicking myself in so many years time. Would it be worth remortgaging to lower debt repayments? If you have thought about this then have a look on the mortgage board, for advice. Good luck with it all- I admire you for the selfless way you have acted.

MissEyre

It sounds like you have had a really hard time-I'm so sorry to hear about the death of your brother. He was so lucky to have someone like you who gave him so much love and cared for him when he needed it most.

I know how hard it is dealing with debts-there are plenty of people here who have debt free dates that seem like they will never get here...being here for the long haul is different to being able to clear your debts in months. It's hard work, you feel like no one understands how boring it is, and you feel like you need a break. And you are right in all of those things, but there are things you can do to help the time go faster. Posting on here is one of them-the long haul supporters thread is aboslutely inspirational, and you will never be waiting long for someone to come and give you advice and support when you need it. Make plans for what you will do WHEN you are debt free, not IF. Raised payments to your DMP are great, as they bring your DFD even closer. You can have treats now and then-survey sites, mystery shopping, free cinema tickets and pigsback are all great ways of paying for the extras. I would urge you to consider selling the house carefully-it's a big deal, especially as it is your family home. If ultimately you feel it would be the best-not just the easiest-thing for you and your family, then that's great-but you can't just buy another home with those memories built in.
Hugs xxx

emmy05

hey, glad you posted, i agree that you should inform your partner at least of things going on, i think youve been extremely generous and have a lot to carry on your shoulders that you need to share, im not sure i could cope as well as you have been, but im certain others will post with the right advice and support xx

taxi73

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time and I totally agree that the best thing to do is to tell the others in the family ..they can't help if they don't understand and it shouldn't all fall on your shoulders. At the end of the day if you sell would they not wonder what happened to the equity in the house?..it's a hard one to call and I would think hard before doing that

HHH_2

Oh I'm sorry to hear you're feeling down. It is a struggle paying it all off isnt it but you've done so well. Imagine yourself in 7 years with your debt paid off and you still have the family home does that make a difference? I think all long haul DFWers feel fed up from time to time. is it just that or are you feeling like it all the time? Whatever you decide make sure it's right for YOU not because of pressure from others, I include your son in that as one day he will be grown up and not living with you. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

tyllwyd

Is selling your only option? I know that the advice is usually not to re-mortgage, but in this case have you thought about it? If you are serious about selling, remember that there are always other costs like estate agents fees, legal fees, moving costs, redecorating when you get to where you are going. Before you make a decision, why not go to see a mortgage broker and see what they say.

Merlot

I gonna say please do not think about re-mortgaging, it is consolidation of debts and it rarely works, I would personally sell up and rent a property for a while, your son, your mum and partner are the most important thing to you, I know the house has alot of sentimental memories for you, but you can take memories with you. I would explain the situation to your mother, a problem shared is often a problem halved.

Merlot.x.

eloquin

First off you must share your problems with your family - a problem shared is most definitely a problem halved. Second, have an informal chat with a mortgage advisor. There's no obligation and it might just make you feel better knowing your options. I know they say to avoid remortgaging, but at the end of the day what price piece of mind? And if you do go down the remortgage route you may well be able to negotiate early settlements with your creditors at a discount & save some money that way. I offered 30p in the £ to all 12 of my creditors & most (though not all) came back to me with up to 20% discounted early settlement offers!

mummytofour

Its your home, dont give it up. Get on to CCCS and tell them you have over committed and can you reduced your payments? You are only getting all the extra money as your working your self silly everybody needs a balance otherwise you will loose the plot. Think how far you HAVE come, re group and calm down. You have such a little mortgage enjoy that you have security in that house something your really wont have renting

winnit_2

have you checked if you are owed money by the council or a tax rebate are you claiming everything your entitled to. if you insure your car try searching around and use a cashback website like quidco or topcashback every little helps seek help from the citizens advice bureau. only you can decide to sell the house you have known all your life personally id sit tight for a year or two to see what happens with the market as the other poster recommended asking to reduce your paying back for a bit will help. the option i took was bankruptancy but i dont think this is for you as you would lose your home. life is short and cherish the time with your family good luck with the debt and dont stress yourself over it you will only make yourself ill as i did