Dilemma - What would you do?

WestWalesWannabee

Hi everyone. Just thought i'd ask a quick question if I may please. One of my very close friends now lives in America and has announced that he is getting married this September after only having gotten engaged at Christmas. He's one of my longest standing close friends and I would dearly love to go. Unfortunately as a single gal, the cost of the flights and accommodation alone would come to approximately £1,000 without spending money and a snazzy outfit. I'm really struggling to try and sort myself out financially at the moment but this friend of mine is like a brother to me and I really want to go to the wedding. So what do I do? Do I go the wedding and splurge about £1,500 on about 5/6 days or do I act sensibly and put the money towards my debts instead?

I know he's going to be upset if I don't go but also know he'll understand. Any thoughts please?

Thank you!!:p

Broken_hearted

I would go if you can raise the money. The debt will still be there your friends wedding won't.

WestWalesWannabee

Got to be honest. Would find it hard to raise the money as currently trying to start up a DMP.

lauradora

Its a tough one! Well if you can raise the money then i'd go. Count it as you annual holiday and get the dollars while there good!!

Some advice I can give you is if you do go don't do what you would for any other holiday and run round buying stuff, if the exchange rate is good wait til you get there to get an outfit and cosmetics etc... It works out cheaper and a bit easier fior you! HTH xxx Laura

Bismarck

Tell your friend your situation...that you'd dearly love to go but it's a lot of money for you.

Tell your family too in an open way - I'd like to go but can't afford it. Ask if there's any help you can have in an open, non-judgemental way so they don't feel pressurised.

Hate to say it but I suspect you'd feel guilty going if you'd not arranged the money well beforehand.

kittiej

I agree Bismark.

What about sending them your own personal message by webcam?

Burlesque_Babe

Is there any chance it will be filmed whilst happening? Some churches etc in America offer a webcam during the ceremony for those around the world who can't attend.

flowerofthewest

If you decide you really want to go but can only afford the flight, why not register with couchsurfing.com and see if there is antone in the area of the wedding who would put you up?
Alternatively, ask your friend if they know anyone who would put you up. I'm sure if they really want you to come to the wedding, and you explain to them the funds situ., they would be happy to help.

PasturesNew

Don't go. But above all, don't feel guilty.

It's expensive being single at the best of times, then when people have the cheek to be happy and get married, it really rubs it in when they're miles away and want you to be there

It's just not possible to pay for everything we want in life.

Financial security for yourself now will last you for life and enable you to be stress free. As you said, you can't really raise the money - which means if you did beg/borrow/steal to go you'd not really enjoy it with the scrimping while you're there or the guilt.

pinkkaz

I wouldn't go unless I could raise the money and treat it as my holiday. Not that I spend that much money on my holidays! It doesn't sound like you can afford it so I don't think there's a decision to be made. Just be honest.

I got married recently and if someone had said they couldn't afford to come I wouldn't have minded if they were honest about it (not that it was an issue - it would have cost a minimum of £20 for the guests to attend). It would have annoyed me if they'd come up with some rubbish excuse though!

masterkay

Don't go! I think it will be a big set-back. It's a huge amount of money. I spent 2k + last year on friends' weddings and I could afford it and all I do now is resent it.

My opinion is that people getting married wouldn't really expect you to travel all that way or they shouldn't.

I think it is things like this that really catch people out. It is beyond your control (that your friend is getting married) and it makes it harder to deal with. I find dealing with money you need to be a control freak and external things like this make it difficult.

Do not feel guilty about not going. It's a big day you'll hardly see you friend anyway so you will not be missing anything.