ways to encourage a friend?? (maybe?)

sammy_kaye18

Hi All,

me again.

Ok so im just wondering how to go about this and need some help.

ive just been speaking to a friend of mine and she has just told me shes stopped eating breakfast and tea so she has more food in the house to feed her son (whos 3 years).

I said to her no she needs to budget a bit more/better and she said she does which to a degree yes but then she uses her left over money - £40 - and goes into iceland and buys all the ready made meals and milk and thats it - plus in one sitting she can eat 3/4 of a family size lasagne by herself and then tells me she eats normal portion sizes.

I just gave her an example of a whole chicken and she basically said she'd do a roast and maybe make bubble and squeak afterwards. so i told her the meas we could get and she was shocked.

She sayd it works out more expnesive to buy all the products in to make a meal, and that shes tried value stuff and doesnt like it.

So basically im looking for ideas, maybe ways in which to give her ideas,gifts or encourage her on how to help her with her food budget. I dont want to seem like im forcing it on her but just to let her know that it is possible to feed her , her bf and her 3 year old and all of them to have regular 3 meals with a possible treat now and then

any ideas????

Zazen999

Sounds like she is in denial - can she actually cook at all?

Can you teach her to cook basics?

If she can't cook the basics, ie sauces to make curries and pasta sauce, spag bol etc - no amount of gifts will help.

Unless you offer to teach her how to cook the basics???

belfastgirl23

Sounds to me like she has more of an eating problem than a money problem in some ways - going from starvation to overeating is a major issue. Does she have any weight problems and would this be playing a part in it?

Why not invite her over for dinner but get her to arrive early and cook along with you? Start with very basics, esp something she likes, and see if it sparks an interest.

I do think though that you have to have the interest before you tell her too much otherwise she'll think you're just preaching

Good luck with it though! It is worthwhile.

mary43

originally posted by belfastgirl23
Why not invite her over for dinner but get her to arrive early and cook along with you?

I agree with this............for some people seeing is believing and if she actually watches what you can do and joins in then at least its a start.

Bogof_Babe

Does she have the internet? Has she seen your £100 monthly shopping list? If she doesn't have internet access, and you can spare the ink, you could always print that and your meal plan out for her.

Keep an eye out in charity shops for books on basic cooking. Our charity shops always seem to have boxes of cookery books, starting at about 30p.

What a smashing friend you are, to want to help her out despite your own hectic life.

Old_Meanie

Well she cant have a better example than you can she Sammy-kaye? It does sound like your friend has some issues with food but she might be genuinely at a loss to know how to go about doing things better. Perhaps you could help her to plan say a couple of meals for the next week and cost them out and prove to her that own made is better. If you point out it would be better nutrionally for her son that might be an incentive. On the negative side I once read a book called Games People Play and there was one called "Why dont you - yes but". Basically it involved someone saying she couldnt do something and every time somebody suggested something saying "why dont you" she would reply "yes but ----" and make an excuse. There might be other issues she needs to face about food.

PasturesNew

She could be right in that buying a lot of ingredients for one meal works out more expensive. But that's not true for everything. And there are simpler dishes to be cooked.

An idea might be to go through her shopping from Iceland and challenge her that using the same amount of money that she did, you will make those meals for half the cost. And if she accepts, then get her shopping list off her for that week and set the date the following week when she'd have gone ... and on that day you take her out to buy all the ingredients she needs - and then cook them with her.

Keep it simple, stay away from those recipes containing expensive ingredients that you'll only get to use a pinch/splash of.

do_it_today!

Old_Meanie wrote: »

On the negative side I once read a book called Games People Play and there was one called "Why dont you - yes but". Basically it involved someone saying she couldnt do something and every time somebody suggested something saying "why dont you" she would reply "yes but ----" and make an excuse. There might be other issues she needs to face about food.

Hi :hello:
try the suggestions given but I also agree with Old Meanie and have experienced many times with a dear friend of mine making suggestions / offering solutions and ended up playing the game! - I still will offer suggestions but I no longer bend over backwards trying to help and just trust that she will figure things out when she is ready - the funny thing is that months or years later she will say to me have you heard of that MSE website (despite talking about it and even showing her it) or tried this or heard of freecycle or have you done this. Sometimes I'll gently remind her and sometimes I just leave it. We all grow at our own pace.

Anyway good luck :T

moanymoany

Sammy-kaye, I really applaud your efforts to help this person as she is doing very badly. I hope that, if she is stuck in a position that she doesn't want to change, you don't take her life on board as something you have to sort out.

The reason I say this is that it is so possible to start to feel responsible for someone and their life. The reality is that ultimately they are responsible for themselves and their children.
I'm not saying don't try to help her, but give yourself some protection. :A

peb

HIya; this is a difficult one. I have to say that I have been there, tried to help but in the end given up. My friend was always enthusiatic and loves things that I cook for her but just can't or won't do it at home. I've sent her home with garlic puree, tomato puree and chilli flakes so that she can spice up pasta (she sometimes did cookpasta with a tin of tomatoes but has now gone back to heinz spaghetti), shown her how easy risotto is and again sent her home with rice but it is easier in her eyes to prepare(!) ready meals as they don't all eat at the same time or even the same food. However it is rubbing off on her oldest son (10) who loves coming to me and has lists of what he likes me to cook so hopefully the next generation will be better. Apparently next time they want me to cook the pink fish in breadcrumbs which they have had at school which I think is salmon but how it is prepared or exactly what it is I have no idea! All you can do is lead by example but don't spend money you can ill afford and don't get downhearted...

purpleivy

Hi Sammy

Please don't think I'm being flippant.... but your predicament did remind me of the lightbulb joke! I love those lightbulb jokes!


Q: How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but the bulb has to really want to change.
A: None, the bulb will change itself when it is ready.

What I am trying to say, is that your friend will only change if she wants to change and when she is ready.