Living small

rhonda_jean

I wanted to write about the transition from spending to non-spending because I think a lot of people have a problem with it. I wrote the post below on my blog a couple of months ago and I thought I'd add it here in the hope that it will help those who need to reduce their spending.

It never occurred to me when I was a spender that I was actually giving away my independence. I thought the opposite. I believed I was the queen of my realm and the more I had and the more dollars I spent, the more power, strength and independence I had. When I stopped spending I realised how pathetically wrong that was.

What I was doing was working in a job I didn't like so I had enough money to pay for a lifestyle I didn't want to live. I was shopping for clothes and shoes to make me look like everyone else, I was buying things for my home to make me feel comfortable in a place I didn't take the time to feel comfortable in, and I was buying foods to comfort and nurture because I didn't feel at ease in my life and I didn't have the time or energy to cook the foods I liked. And the strangest thing is that when I was doing that, I didn't think about the sadness I was feeling, I didn't realise I was unsatisfied and I didn't see the need for change.

I only realised that need when I took myself out of the shopping frenzy and sat alone on my verandah and thought about what I was doing and how far from my ideal life I really was. When I stopped shopping, I saw it in a brighter light and when I saw its ugly side, I didn't want to go back there.

I realised that I could do all those things I used to spend my money on. I could make clothes, I could cook well, I could do my own housework, but when I started doing those things I found that I'd lost many of the skills I grew up with. I'd forgotten how to sew and knit because I paid someone else to make my clothes, I'd forgotten how to cook well because I'd been buying all sorts of foods that didn't require me to exercise my mind and spend my energy on making my truly favourite dishes. When it came to housework, all I knew was to get the Chux and Mr Sheen from the cupboard and wipe. I was really pathetic - a grown woman who didn't know how to look after myself or my family properly; I'd forgotten the skills that all my great grandmothers had passed on to me - I, my friends, was a modern woman - I was dependent on others to help me live.

You don't have to be a genius to shop, you need limited skills to be good at it - all you need is money, or credit, and time. All that time to spend walking through shopping malls searching for something made (usually) in a foreign land by people who are probably underpaid, producing millions of products exactly the same as the previous million, and the million that will follow.

On the other hand, not shopping requires a multifaceted strategy. You need to know how to create, cook, clean and sew, you need to make do with what you have, to reuse, recycle and repair, you need to barter, grow food, preserve, and you need to love doing it. You have to discover for yourself the true beauty of being able to look after yourself, your family and your home with a minimum of outside help. The beauty of it is there if you look.

I am much richer now than I've ever been in my life. I know how to live now. I have the skills to survive a crisis, I have the strength and knowledge to produce my own food and to store it. I can clothe myself and others. All these are real life-engaging and self-empowering skills. But the real skill here is to do it and love doing it. Relearning those lost skills, and then loving the doing of them, is an act of subversion because you're not doing what women and men in our times are supposed to be doing. Nurturing your family and yourself with cooking, gardening, housekeeping, dress making, knitting, making soap, baskets, shawls and jam, and all the other things you learn to do in your post-consumerist life, not only enriches your spirit but it makes you an independent force.

Ladies and gentlemen, may the force be with you.

Mollymop5

I have to agree with you rhonda jean.I'm just learning at the moment! up until my daughter was born some years ago I worked full time.At one time I had 3 jobs.This was when my son was small.i thought it important that he had expensive clothes toys ect.I regret this so much now as I actually missed out on many milestones.My husband and I agreed that I'd be a stay at home mum when my daughter was born.We went to every available baby and toddler group,activity afternoon.I met alot of lovely mums.My daughter became so confident and outgoing.We had no problems when she went to school.
I split up with my husband and I'm now a single mum on benefits.I feel guilty about this as I feel I should be working but this wasn't an issue when I was with my husband.
But my life is so good.I'm not someone who sits infront of daytime tv everyday though.I volunteer at my daughters school and one in the next village too doing a few mornings every week.i also do a few hours cleaning which the benefits agency know about and adjust my benefit accordingly.
My children eat homemade meals every day and I make my own bread.I'm hoping to grow my own veg now.I donate clothes to the local charity shops and buy my childrens clothes from there also.I make my own curtains.
I am living on a very comfortable budget.Even when i go back to work fulltime I won't be going bck to my old habits!

rosieben

Hi Rhonda, its sad isnt it, that we had lost so many skills that our grandmothers had; there is a strong movement towards regaining these skills and becoming home makers in the true sense of the word, as so many of the people on the Old Style threads demonstrate daily.

I've been gradually moving to a more simple life and as you say, it is so empowering. I'm enjoying being a non-consumer, and I'm gradually getting rid of things that have no relevance for me now - things that I couldnt previously have imagined living without. I'm a work in progress, and I'm enjoying the journey! I really enjoy your blog btw

moanymoany

I felt somehow that I had 'made it' when I was spending. I did cook, but I did a job that I loathed. We bought a house that had a huge mortgage and that kept my nost to a grindstone that kept me depressed and unable to enjoy the money I earned or the house which became a giant millstone around my neck.

Even then, if I had been a frugal saver, we could have paid our mortgage in half the time we took. That money was thrown away.

However, over the past few years my attitude has changed completely. The os threads and the contributors have helped so much with ideas and encouragement. Also, it makes me feel part of a community. As someone on the verge of retirement I also appreciate that many of the contributors are my own age. It is easy to feel that one has become invisible as one gets older.

Rowan9

aaah - just caught this thread Rhonda jean - I've asked on 'simplifying' for you to post your story. How do i find your blog? I'm a bit of a techno-no-no. Thanks for the inspiration.
w

rosieben

Rhonda Jean's blog - http://down---to---earth.blogspot.com/

and well worth a look wmf

she has it in her profile (click on her user name to the left of her post)

and just found another little gizmo there - an option to go to her home page -hadnt noticed that before, thats very useful! :T

do_it_today!

Hi Rhonda Jean :hello: thanks for starting this thread - I am simplifying my life yet still caught up in the world of full time work and the more bigger better way of life...I want to get out my hamster wheel! it is inspiring to hear people's stories who have managed to make the full transistion if there is anyone else out there too please do share :j

LilMissEmmylou

There haven't been very many studies done on dishwashers versus hand washing. There is a famous one that found washing in the sink used much more water, but the people they studied didn't put a plug in the sink and kept the water tap running over the dishes! How strange. I've never known anyone to wash up like that.

Would you like me to introduce you to my OH LOL

Old_Meanie

Rhonda Jean - what a wonderful post. You have made my day - by this. Here am I a retired woman not old by todays standards but still old enough to remember the days when education included sewing, cooking even in my school gardening (called agricultural science - if you believe it!) and washing! (I remember taking my mothers best tea towel to school to wash and starch it might even have been new) feeling that the things I enjoyed doing in my younger days when sewing and cooking your own were have tos were becoming lost and looked down on. You have made me feel better - not out of date and ignored by society because I am poor and on a basic pension - but that I have something of value I can still give to others. Bless you.

Rowan9

Thanks for the link to blog rosieben - I have spent A G E S reading it. Thanks for taking to time to write it rhonda jean - I have a lovely calm feeling and am off now to sit with tea in a china cup and saucer and read my book. Yes, I know there are other things i could be doing but I'm going to use this peacefulness for some time out.
W

ps really liked your post old meanie

thriftlady_2

wmf wrote: »

Thanks for the link to blog rosieben - I have spent A G E S reading it.

Me too. I've just printed off a post Rhonda made about homemaking which i'm off to read in the bath