Has anyone been to a family proceedings court regarding contact?

Karen1980

Whats it like? My X wants contact for 2 children who he hasnt seen for 5 years. youngest hes never seen. Hes told the csa that their not his . but is taking me to court because they are his !! but wants a dna test done anyway because i questioned why he had told the csa this , he thought he could tell the csa this and get away with not paying and i wouldnt find out. :mad: Its totally confusing. Anyway i got the date for court and wonders what happens on the first visit to court. My oldest suffers with asd and this is making her freak out .

Vomityspice

I take it your opposing him having contact?

Either way, a CAFCASS office will usually be appointed to talk to you both. The CAFCASS (look it up!) officer is a court appointed Social Worker who will try to negotiate a solution. If there is doubt about paternity then I assume the CSA are currently undertaking DNA testing?

Questions?

Do you know why he wants to see the children? Even if he does have contract granted is he likely to be consistent? Were you married to him? Why does you eldest know about the application?

The court are bound to do what is in the 'best interest' of the children. Frequently, this won't be what is in the best interest of the parent. Whilst I understand you reservations about him seeing the children, you can argue that his lack of commitment is an indicator that his intentions are false and re-establishing contact would be detrimental for the children.

Karen1980

Vomityspice wrote: »

I take it your opposing him having contact?

Either way, a CAFCASS office will usually be appointed to talk to you both. The CAFCASS (look it up!) officer is a court appointed Social Worker who will try to negotiate a solution. If there is doubt about paternity then I assume the CSA are currently undertaking DNA testing?

Questions?

Do you know why he wants to see the children? Even if he does have contract granted is he likely to be consistent? Were you married to him? Why does you eldest know about the application?

The court are bound to do what is in the 'best interest' of the children. Frequently, this won't be what is in the best interest of the parent. Whilst I understand you reservations about him seeing the children, you can argue that his lack of commitment is an indicator that his intentions are false and re-establishing contact would be detrimental for the children.

If hes going to have contact its got to be done sensitively as the children dont know him so the court is the best way, yes cafcass are involved and will be doing a report.
He wants to see the children as hes paying £5 a week through the csa for 1 child. and thinks he now owns the kids. I dont know if he will be consistant he never was before.We were not married and hes not on either birth certificate ( he didnt want to be) Hes also taking his other X to court to see his son so 2 for the price of 1. I have told the children whats going on because I feel; they should know. But the youngest has no idea what im talking about.

Vomityspice

You could ask that contact happens at a local authority contact centre. There is a cost involved but it would be supervised. You could map out the timescale for contact, with it building depending on the commitment showed by your X

£5 per week isn't a stella amount! Has he got to travel far to see the children? If he is genuinely poor then thats not really his fault the assessment is so low.

How old are the children? If they are old enough, they will be able to tell the Court Social Worker what they would like to happen.

Whilst you may show antipathy towards your ex (why is it that people ONLY see the faults when they break up?), your children may benefit from contact with their father. On the other hand he may be just a git who is trying to wind you up!

Perhaps you should talk to your children and ask them what they want? He may be a git, but his still is their father.....

Karen1980

Vomityspice wrote: »

You could ask that contact happens at a local authority contact centre. There is a cost involved but it would be supervised. You could map out the timescale for contact, with it building depending on the commitment showed by your X

£5 per week isn't a stella amount! Has he got to travel far to see the children? If he is genuinely poor then thats not really his fault the assessment is so low.

How old are the children? If they are old enough, they will be able to tell the Court Social Worker what they would like to happen.

Whilst you may show antipathy towards your ex (why is it that people ONLY see the faults when they break up?), your children may benefit from contact with their father. On the other hand he may be just a git who is trying to wind you up!

Perhaps you should talk to your children and ask them what they want? He may be a git, but his still is their father.....

Hes on benefits thats why its £5. the kids are 5-8 . I wouldnt be nasty about him if he were decent. He smokes drugs, shouts abuse in the street . He kept following me in his car to scare me. But as I have no proof of these things what am i supposed to do?

Vomityspice

You do what is in the best interest of the children!

How is he affording the court action? and what prompted him to apply?

He may be doing it to try to exert some power over you. If you agree to supervised contact (which he is paying for) then the ability and interest to annoy you will soon wane. He won't be seeing you and if he tries to manipulate the children then the supervisor will share the contact sessions write ups which will evidence what he is trying to do. You then apply for a Sec. 8 No Contact Order (Children Act 1989).

Alternatively, you might double bluff him by saying something like 'it would be great if you had the children at the weekend then I could go clubbing with my boyfriend!'. That might encourage him to re-evaluate his actions?

Just a thought!

Kimitatsu

Karen1980 wrote: »

Hes on benefits thats why its £5. the kids are 5-8 . I wouldnt be nasty about him if he were decent. He smokes drugs, shouts abuse in the street . He kept following me in his car to scare me. But as I have no proof of these things what am i supposed to do?

Keep a diary of everything that he does. If he follows you in an intimidating manner then report it to the police with his registration number, get a police reference number and keep a diary of when, where and what his actions are. Remember that many of these things are now recorded on CCTV, so there is a seperate source of proof. All of these fears can be told to the CAFCASS officer. who is bound to take them into account - and dont worry he or she will have seen and heard it all before! But they will look at those areas of your ex's life as legitimate concerns.

As VomitySpice has said the court will rule in the interests of the child so if you are concerned about his drug taking ask them to drug test him (they can do it there and then with a urine sample ) and supervised contact with a social worker. If you feel that it will unduly upset your children then say that and get back up from teachers and if neccessaey your doctor. Again if they are upset after any sort of contact then diarise it, keep in contact with their school and discuss it with their teachers, it all adds up in the end.

My bet is that he will soon lose interest once he has to prove if he is really interested, and not just winding you up.

Good luck

advent1122

Tell him he can have them for the next 2 weeks because you will be glad of the break and need a holiday.
He will run a !!!!!!!' mile.

Strapped

Karen1980 wrote: »

Whats it like? My X wants contact for 2 children who he hasnt seen for 5 years. youngest hes never seen. Hes told the csa that their not his . but is taking me to court because they are his !! but wants a dna test done anyway because i questioned why he had told the csa this , he thought he could tell the csa this and get away with not paying and i wouldnt find out. :mad: Its totally confusing. Anyway i got the date for court and wonders what happens on the first visit to court. My oldest suffers with asd and this is making her freak out .

To answer the original question: yes, I've been to a family proceedings court, although only to accompany/support someone (hubby, whose ex was denying contact). My experiences:
- show up & tell court reception that you're there
- hang around in lobby while waiting for solicitor to show up - you may be in the company of "the other party" at this point
- the court had rooms off the lobby to meet with your solicitor before seeing the Welfare Officer (at this point, my hubby's ex caved in partially and offered some additional contact, as she had obviously been advised by her solicitor to do so, so there was a bit of two-and-froing between the solicitors in and out of the rooms into the lobby)
- the parents then met with the Welfare Officer - JUST the parents, although your companions can wait in the lobby (ex burst into tears at this point when she realised that she had to actually speak for herself and had mass drama-queen hysterics but the court officals were very kind and patient with her) - this was in a "normal" meeting room with the Welfare Officer, and I think the solicitors. Hubby said Welfare Officer was very good at keeping the discussion focused purely on contact and nipping any mud-slinging in the bud or discussing the (ancient history!) break-up.
- If an agreement can be reached, then the parents + solicitors go in front of the judge who makes a "Contact order" based on what the parents agreed - in hubby's case, the times, and stipulating that the mother must encourage the child in the contact and that it would be reviewed again in x months. This is just in a "normal" room around a big table, not how you would imagine a court room to look, like in a criminal court with a dock etc.

HTH.