Things Got Worse - Struggling with priority debts and scared to lose my house

husnu1

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82124692#Comment_82124692

Thanks. I do understand why selling looks like the obvious answer.

The difficult part for me is that my whole life has really revolved around my wife and children, and a lot of what I have done has been for them. This has been our family home for around 25 years, so selling it and moving away would be a huge decision for us, not just a way of sorting out the finances.

Also, I don’t think you can just tell adult children to leave these days. Renting in London is so expensive that neither of mine could realistically afford to move out at the moment.

I do accept that I cannot keep carrying almost all the household costs on my own indefinitely. I’m not ruling out selling or downsizing, but before I get to that point I want to explore every possible realistic option for keeping the house first.

elsien

You and your family need to reframe the perspective in your heads. You use the phrase that they help you financially when they can.
This is not about helping you. This is about keeping a roof over their own heads and being financially responsible adults. I know this was said before, but it doesn’t seem to have sunk in,

Why can’t your wife work? Why can’t your student daughter have a part-time job? Why can’t your son who is starting to build up his business also do other work such as Uber the same way that you are while it builds up? And all contribute more to the overall financial situation.

The debt may be in your name but from your description of the situation they have been run up on part because of other people not pulling their weight when your financial situation changed. That makes it a family responsibility not a helping you out problem.

Altior

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82124727#Comment_82124727

I lived in London for 30 years, since I was born up to circa 2004 (Brent). I can safely say that I would never go back! Personally I would view it as an opportunity, there are so many options with your equity, even after settling the liabilities.

As for the adult children, I wouldn't kick them out as such, but you would give them a decision to make and I would use that as an opportunity to draw a line in the sand and start treating them as the independent adults that they should really be. They can stay with you, but paying an equal share of the costs. But obviously, they might determine they prefer London life.

You wrote that your son (or daughter) don't pay you any money regularly, but he is also considering investing in the business. I'm sorry but that is really upside down. He is being given far too much leeway.

RAS

I was also going to suggest moving somewhere cheaper.

It doesn't have to be the end of family life, as your son and daughter could move with you. Not least as if they are at early stages in careers. And many many folk who are born up north etc move down to London for a few years when they started worked and move back 5-10 years later because the quality of life is so much better.

My longer term concern is that you have a house, two state pensions and insufficient income to maintain it going forward.

If you move north somewhat, you could buy a decent house around £150k, sort out your debts and could still have money to put into pensions going forward.

This isn't something about which make decisions quickly. You'd need to research the pension situation, look at parts of the country that might work for you financially and personally. Bear in mind a good many are less than 2 hours by train. Just mull it over and perhaps fly a kite with family?

Altior

The prospect of having to leave London could be used as leverage for obtaining a reasonable division of priority bills, as a an absolute minimum. The spousal relationship is a bit different for obvious reasons, but the offspring should be paying a quarter each of all of the household bills by now.

ArtyJ931

It may be an exciting new adventure - finding somewhere outside of London that is beautiful and everything you could want for your retirement, and providing a little nest egg to boost your state pension.

At £500,000 value in London I can only assume it’s not a massive house so like for like you should get something somewhere absolutely gorgeous elsewhere for half that cost or just over. It would definitely be worth having the conversation with family around the focus of what you want life to be like when you retire. And you want to be able to retire, and with your assets you can.

Studying, running an Amazon business and Uber driving are options anywhere in the country.

definitely an idea worth some serious thought at least, and maybe frame it in your own head as a possible exciting adventure.

ManyWays

I agree the house needs to be sold and you need to move somewhere cheaper. Your children are adults, they can decide for themselves what they want to do and where they want to live.
You and your son should not assume that your old Amazon business can be resurrected: times have changed, business models that worked then may no longer do so.

husnu1

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82124968#Comment_82124968

Yes, business models always change. I used to manage the Amazon accounts for my employer, and from 2009 I ran my own Amazon business for about 15 years. I know exactly how it works, but nothing is guaranteed in life.

For many years, I was making close to £1,500 a week from it, but through poor financial management and investing in other ventures, I ended up badly damaging the business. That is a big part of why I have been in such a difficult position for the last two years.

Things have now reached the point where they are getting worse rather than better, and I see this as a real wake-up call for me.

ArtyJ931

I left London 30 years ago having grown up in what was known as “outside of London” and is now known as “London”. I moved an hour or so North, other family has moved out West and some have moved up to Manchester and stayed in a city. All would never go back - even just purely due to the ridiculous cost of housing.

husnu1

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82124811#Comment_82124811

I understand your point, but just to make things clear, my son is not earning regular money at the moment. He has only recently started his ecommerce business after I trained him for about a year, and at the moment he is only making a few hundred pounds a month.

He has managed to save around £1,500, which he is willing to put into my Amazon business. My thinking is that, if I don’t take any money out for around 6 months and keep reinvesting everything back into stock, the business should then start giving me a regular income again, although it will only be around £500 after about 6 months.

I do agree with your broader point that the children should eventually be contributing properly to household costs. We have only recently started discussing this as a family, and at the moment neither of them is really in a position to pay a quarter of the bills.

I’m very grateful that my son is prepared to use his own savings to help rebuild the business. I know you could argue that the £1,500 would be better used towards some of the arrears, but my thinking is that using it as working capital gives us a better chance of creating a regular income rather than just reducing the arrears once.

I am taking the comments about selling seriously, even though it is difficult for me to hear. I just want to explore every realistic option first before making a decision as big as selling our family home.