Supporting my partner with her M.E health decline

Giraffe76

Hi all,

My partner and I have been together for 25 years. I have seen a steady decline in her general health in the last 3 or 4 years but it's only in the last 6 months that she's got to the point where she's hardly going out and not doing much.

We have 2 big dogs that need at least one good walk a day and it's one of her favourite things to do but the pain she's constantly in means that she's doing this less and less.

She wants to move abroad to Thailand to hopefully get a better life circumstances but with her health situation I don't know if that's still a possibility.

She takes different supplements to try and keep her health at a good base level but I wanted to know what else she can do to try and keep her health on a even keel or even improve it

It's probably worth pointing out that she's 61 and has had this health condition since she was 30. I'm 49 (50 next month).

Any help advice or suggestions would sincerely grateful especially if you know someone or you yourself are going through this.

Kind regards mark

KxMx

Giving medical advice itself is against forum rules. I would recommend she speaks to a GP. The root cause of the pain might be something other than her ME. She can also discuss pain management either with GP, or ask to be referred to the local hospital pain management department.

I'd also suggest she checks out the wealth of information that The ME Association has, having had the condition so long they'll likely not tell her anything she doesn't already know, but it could be she might benefit from making changes to things like pacing day to day to accommodate her current level of severity, rather than her previous energy availability.

A light bulb moment for me personally with pacing was realising the need to rest before and after an activity.

If she was walking the dog at least once daily, try every other day or even drop right down to once a week and see if she can build up from there.

So that she still gets quality time with the dogs, could she manage dedicated play sessions giving them her full attention with toys, a ball launcher etc.

She can get a care needs assessment, or you could discuss if financially viable engaging a care agency privately to help with personal care, domestic support, or both. This would free up some energy for her.

I found it very helpful for a few months earlier in year to have someone come in and change my bed, plus do light cleaning. I'm going to resume this help when the winter duvet comes out again. I went privately paying from my PIP.

https://www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/help-from-social-services-and-charities/getting-a-needs-assessment/

I'm guessing even if you've not admitted it you've been doing more and more caring for her, you can get an assessment of your needs as a carer at the same time.

https://www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-assessments/

Some of her current difficulties may be due to aging, rather than solely the ME.

I'm 40 next year and have had ME since I was 15. The impact of aging +ME is definitely a big concern of mine.

Giraffe76

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82103662#Comment_82103662

Hi, thank you for your reply and please accept my sincere apologies for breaking any rules

Kind regards mark

Ayr_Rage

Moving to Thailand with a long term health condition would be very unwise unless you are wealthy.

Medical treatment at a decent hospital is not cheap and getting insurance with existing conditions can be problematic.

Government hospitals are an option, you have to pay, but you will also need to either speak the language or know someone who does.

Long stay visas are available but there are quite a few hoops to jump through and if you spend more than 180 days in country you now have to register for Thai tax and could be liable to pay some depending on your income source.

The heat and air pollution would also likely take its toll.

Giraffe76

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82103950#Comment_82103950

Thanks for your reply.

We have been setting things up so that we would be able to afford things. My wife has been doing the research and never mentioned anything about the Thai tax so that's something I will to talk to her about.

I will also mention the heat and air pollution and until recently we were going to go over there for a short trip to test it out.

Kind regards mark

Ayr_Rage

Although some way into the future, State Pensions are frozen if you live in Thailand so you need to plan for that.

I've just returned and two of my friends, both in their 70s, have just moved back to the UK as insurance was no longer available at all and their income, having been frozen for years, meant a comfortable life was unaffordable.

Jude57

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82103953#Comment_82103953

If you do visit, remember that you'll be in 'holiday' mode rather than 'day-to-day' mode. By that I mean that you'll probably be staying in a hotel with air conditioning, looking at local sites of interest and eating in restaurants. When living in a country, you'll need to at least attempt to speak the language to be able to use local facilities. Outside the tourist areas you are much less likely to find people who can speak fluent English. Inside the tourist areas, everything will cost more, from accommodation to groceries and utilities and transport. Given your wife's health issues, you may struggle to get a decent level of health insurance and, as others have already said, uninsured health costs can be astronomical. And don't underestimate the effect permanent heat and extreme humidity has on anyone's health, let alone someone with a chronic condition. It's exhausting just doing basic, everyday tasks in such weather and if you're living there, you'll likely end up doing it all because your partner will be too wiped out by the heat and humidity.

Look realistically at what you could afford to rent in Thailand. Is it in a good area? Is there reliable public transport nearby or would you need a car? Is there healthcare provision nearby? Is there a market nearby? Would your large dogs be going with you? If so, how would they cope with the heat and humidity? Are there veterinary practices nearby? What about pet insurance in Thailand? What about the threat of rabies, snakes, scorpions and huge, biting millipedes? Your dogs will never have encountered these threats before so could be especially vulnerable.

If you haven't already done so, look for an online British ex-pat Thai community and get their input on your plans. They're actually living there and can speak from experience about the good and bad of living there. One of my nephews and his wife lived there for several years and they were much younger and physically fitter than you and your partner. They loved the Thai people, loved the food and the amazing places to visit (he was in a very well paid job which provided a huge, detached house with beautiful big gardens and full household staff plus a car and driver) but they still found the climate challenging. My nephew said that he'd never experienced sweating while actually standing under a cool shower until they went there, and their house was fully air-conditioned. And despite his luxurious accommodation, if anything in the house broke, it took forever to find a competent tradesman to fix it! Everything was a major challenge despite his having access to translators and, as a former military man, he wasn't impressed by the infrastructure there. It's the only place he worked that he's said he wouldn't go back to.

Albermarle

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82103953#Comment_82103953

How did she manage in the five heat waves we have had here this Summer ? Unless you live in the North of the UK, you will have been less affected.

She wants to move abroad to Thailand to hopefully get a better life circumstances but with her health situation I don't know if that's still a possibility

What are these 'better life circumstances' she is thinking of ? Sounds to me it would be like going from the frying pan into the fire . Ex Pats with health problems often actually move back to the UK when they get older/in poor health, so as to access the NHS.