What can carers help with?

RavingMad

Thanks everyone for their help with this. One thing I totally forgot to mention and someone mentioned, is that he does require assistance with showers. This is done in the mornings. So less of an issue then.

He doesn't like to put people out, so will refuse any offers of putting the kettle on or putting the washing on, then proceed to do those very same things as soon as they're gone.

For the time being we've decided to cut the evening visits to 15 mins and monitor the situation

elsien

My grandmother used to be similar.
I managed to convince her thatas she was paying them to be there, and she was the customer, they would be out of a job without her so it was fine for her to ask them to do things.

That seemed to do the trick - before that she felt they were doing her a favour.

Cyclamen

I shall confess nervously that I'm a bit the same. I find it hard to ask for help or add on an extra task if there is spare time, strangely i find this hardest in my most poorly times or flares.

Its taken a lot of practice to get into the habit and if a request is met with an unwilling facial expression or intake of breathe i am less likely to ask again. Daft as I am paying for support and suffer without it. If its a polite and reasonable request it shouldn't be a problem but the reaction can have an impact when already uncomfy for asking so worth exploring potentially. Some agencies just arent as open to extra tasks and using the whole shift time as others.

A 15 minute call isnt very long by the time they have come in taken coat off washed hands said hello found the care folder or logged in on the app, its even shorter if they then do their 'notes' before leaving. So worth keeping an eye that tasks are completed to his satisfaction.

If he does tasks after they have left perhaps doing them together would be a way, i join in when my health allows so whilst i cant do the full task I can do sections of it.. clip socks on hanger for washing line whilst PA/Carer pegs the clothes out etc..

I hope you find a way that works for all of you, it is tricky and i dont think anyone would choose support if they didnt need it.

teddysmum

Our elder son's partner is a senior carer for people near the end of life, through cancer and when she visited me while my husband was in hospital after his stroke, we got to discussing care (which he proved not to need) and I asked whether it was true that his carers would not make me a hot drink. She replied that some carers, working for a number of companies were , penalised or even sacked for not following the rules, but she did make drinks for couples if the other person was infirm.

itsthelittlethings

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82110562#Comment_82110562

Me and a friend whose dad had care used to say, there should never be 15 minute calls.

Cyclamen

I think it was JOanna Lumley or some celebrity or other who ran a huge campaign about 15 minute care calls… they were then increased length for a while but budget cuts and i read of them increasing in number.

15 mins just isnt enough to treat the individual with dignity, respect, care and do the basic admin tasks.. by the time you've come in said hello asked how somebody is and listened to the answer, made a brew and said goodbye and filled in the visit report log there isnt much space for anything else.. so what gets misssed out are the basics, the greetings, the listening to replies, the time to find out that the ham sandwich yesterday wasnt that great could today be cheese or that grandson has left a quiche he made at school for lunch so can the meal plan be swapped… the really little things, the basic humanity that matter.

I am on my high horse.. but Carers should work with the person to do the tasks that are needed and help the person become confident enough to ask for more assistance, change in task etc as needed.

elsien

Doing longer calls isn’t always the answer either. One agency I came across to if they me to do it, they could go. I sat outside and waited one day when they were there for 10 minutes of the half an hour call at best. And they left the front door open the whole time they were there.
Gentlemen wasn’t the easiest to engage but I am fairly sure there was no attempt to even try. I reported it to social services but they said the leaving early was fine.