Late mums estate, sole administrator, brother making demands and threats

VixyVoo

I am the sole administrator of my late mum's estate. She passed away at the end of February this year. There are two beneficiaries under the intestacy rules: myself and my brother

Throughout the administration I have tried to carry out my duties properly. I have kept full records of all money received and paid out, and I understand that my legal duty is to collect in the estate assets, settle all liabilities and expenses, prepare the final estate accounts, and then make the final distribution.

My brother has already received £165,000 in interim payments from the estate. The only significant asset now remaining is Mum's bungalow, which has been sold subject to contract. My intention is to make the final distribution once the sale has completed, all associated costs have been paid, any remaining liabilities have been settled, and the estate accounts have been finalised

Unfortunately, my brother came to my home on Monday morning demanding that I pay him the remainder of what he says is "his money". I explained that, had the estate been administered by a solicitor, he would almost certainly not have received any inheritance until the administration was complete, and that the estate funds remain estate money until then. I also explained that the interim payments I have made were simply goodwill payments in response to his repeated requests, not because I was legally required to make them.

He became extremely angry. He stood up with his fists clenched, was visibly shaking, and shouted through clenched teeth that "the old him is coming back out." I genuinely felt intimidated and feared for my safety. When my husband arrived home and asked him to leave, he refused, saying he was talking to his sister. Afterwards he apologised, said he loved me, but also told me that I "shouldn't make him angry."

As a result of this incident, I no longer feel comfortable meeting him in person. I intend to continue administering the estate properly but will not be making any further interim payments. Instead, I plan to complete the administration, prepare the final estate accounts, and distribute the remaining estate once everything has been finalised.

My questions are:

• Am I correct in waiting until the estate has been fully administered before making the final distribution?
• Am I under any legal obligation to continue making interim payments simply because my brother is demanding them?
• Is it reasonable to refuse any further face-to-face discussions and insist that all future communication is in writing?

This has become an extremely stressful situation. My only aim is to fulfil my legal duties as administrator correctly while also protecting myself from further intimidation. I would be very grateful for any advice or reassurance from those with probate experience.

Keep_pedalling

Yes, No and Yes.

I think I would be tempted to engage a solicitor to right to him, and to handle all on going communication with him.

FlorayG

Yes, no and yes

I had similar with my sister; she didn't get abusive or threatening, just nag, nag, nag. I just kept telling her she would get her share when all the legalities were completed and refused to engage further on the matter.

I think by giving interim payments you might have led your brother to believe he is entitled to them but he is not

For your own peace of mind it might be worth paying a solicitors fees to deal with it. That's what I did, even though my mom left a clearly defined will

YBR

Given that he got unreasonably angry, was threatening and appeared on the bring of violence and then made it your fault, that's unacceptable behaviour. You are absolutely right to protect yourself.

He may be under some additional pressure that you don't know about but taking it out on you won't solve things and the behaviour is still inexcusable.

So I agree with the PP: Yes, No, and whatever way you need to feel safe.

RAS

I'd start with a personal letter explaining

a) the legal situation. That he is not entitled to any money until the estate is settled. Sometimes interim payments are made but they should be the same amounts to all beneficiaries. Lawyers generally decline to do them. Beneficiaries who are not executors or admins are not even entitled to information about the probate or administration. You've only disadvantaged yourself, so no harm done legally.

b) decide what you want to happen. I'd suggest that he is not allowed to visit your house or work. You may not want any physical contact. Decide whether you will allow any other contact. Tell him.

c) And advise that any other contact from him prior to distribution will result in you hiring lawyers to complete the process. Paid for from the estate. And there will be no further money until the estate is finalised.

Getting a law firm to pick this up won't be easy, because they'll have to review everything and they always dot Is etc, because of the legal liability. It might be worth ringing round.

elsien

I might also add that if he threatens you again you will be calling the police.
His behaviour is not okay, regardless of your relationship.

jackieblack

Yes, No and Yes.

The comment that you "shouldn't make him angry" is a massive red flag to me. I know too many women who've experienced domestic violence and been told it was their fault for making their abuser angry… 😡You're not responsible for how he reacts.

I would not meet with him or allow him in my home without another person there from now on. If he becomes abusive again, call the police.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this, especially after losing your Mum and especially from a sibling.

Technosaurus

You're doing everything brilliantly and in the right order.

You can't make any more interim payments because, as the bungalow is sold subject to contract, there is no actual cash to pay until it completes? So you are not denying him "his money", it's just that there is no actual sale money in the bank yet.

Total guess, I assume you are keeping some aside for legals and assorted other costs (which is very prudent) and he thinks he should have half of that in his pocket now. If he's received £165k already with everything else accounted for, he can go whistle with his anger issues: these things take time. But you are doing everything 'by the book' and sorry you have had to see this side of him.

sheslookinhot

Remember that solicitors costs come from the estate, not from you personally.