Money Moral Dilemma: Is it fair for my mum to include my nephew in her will?

MSE_Kelvin

This week's MoneySaver who wants advice asks…

My mum says she wants to include my sister's only child in her will, splitting the inheritance between the three of us. She says my sister's in favour, but as I was unable to have children, I'm not sure how I feel about it. Is it fair?

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Grumpy_chap

It's your Mum's money to gift as she wishes. Not your money and you have no entitlement to anything.

Woodstok2000

You're asking the wrong question.

The right question is: Is this any of my business?

The answer is: No.

FlorayG

Doesn't matter if it's fair or not. It's her money to do whatever she wants with.

"Fair" doesn't come into it

saajan_12

Yes its fair that someone has the unquestioned right to choose how to share THEIR money.

Sooz1966

As a childless sibling, I can absolutely relate to the feelings of injustice this decision is creating. After all, dividing the estate in this way will result in the op receiving a significantly smaller inheritance than they would have otherwise. Through no fault of their own and based simply on sister being 'fertile' which, if all else is equal, must be a bit galling. Not sure there's an easy answer though. If mum is open to discussion, op could suggest sister's proportion is reduced to allow a gift to her child or that maybe some jewellery or something similar is bequeathed. But other than that, op may have to just accept, shrug and move on (I've had to do similar, definitely not worth falling out over).

ljayljay

My wife & I have four children who have 0,1,2 & 4 children respectively. However, they are getting quarter shares irrespective of how many children they have. There is no way that we would determine their share of inheritance based on how many children they have.

However, at the end of the day I do believe that no one has an absolute right to an inheritance. The decision rests with the person who is leaving the legacy. There may be a specific reason why someone may choose to do this. If I was that person I would want to explain my reasons to ensure that there were no ill feelings between siblings once I'm gone.

lincroft1710

You have no "entitlement" to any inheritance, your mother could leave the whole lot to charity or even a secret lover. Only if you had been dependant on your mother would you be entitled to an inheritance

Cubicsrube

If OP is not child-free by choice, and the mother knows that, this would seem a rather insensitive decision. But I know from experience that it’s very hard for someone who has not faced it, to anticipate the many and continual wounds infertility deals.

I wonder if the mother has really thought this through though? For instance has she considered that the nephew is quite likely to inherit a decent part of his mum’s portion one day? Has she considered stipulating a specific gift for him instead, or even making that gift now (if he’s an adult), with the rest of the estate split 50/50 between her children — which, having been on both sides of this equation (fewer niblings on one side of family, more on the other) felt the fairest to me overall.

Perhaps that’s where to start: the OP can be honest about how this has made her feel and ask if the mother (and maybe sister) are open to talking it through.

Emmia

I think if someone came to me to talk through the inheritance they expect to get, and seeking for it to be "fair"... I'd probably cut them out completely.

Your mum can leave money to whoever she likes, you, her secret toyboy, the local cat rescue… there's also an argument that your nephew may be of an age where he'll really benefit from an inheritance "cash injection" when your mum passes (more than you or your sister will) so should get the lot…

If you have no kids yourself, have you thought about where your money goes?

Rob5342

It's up to her what she does with it, the same as when you write your own will. If she would have split it equally between all children and grandchildren then it means you are getting more than you would have done if you'd have had children.

If I was in her position I would leave the bulk of it to my two children and a small amount to my grandson, as the grandson would ultimately get a lot of his mother's share.