Removing an Executive

Dirk2000

Hello, my father passed recently and I have some questions that can hopefully be answered.

His unmarried partner who lived with him is the main beneficiary - her bother is executor of his will.

I stated to my father’s partner that I was going to post on social media about my father’s passing and I wanted a nice photograph to use.

Anyway the next day she called me and told me that her brother (executive) had said that if I do that it’s illegal and as she was next of kin she didn’t want that because my father wouldn’t want that.

So a few points that I already know….

1.Next of Kin holds no legal status in UK law for any decision making - it’s a term used as a point of contact on emergency.

2. Living with someone doesn’t give you an automatic claim to being NOK.

3. Your name being on a mortgage or medical records doesn’t give you the right to use the term, even if you have been told by word of mouth.

4. NOK  is typically defined as a person’s closest living blood relative or legal partner.

4. Unless formally put in writing in letter form or a will, then NOK always reverts to closest living blood relative.

As I am an only child NOK assigns to myself as I am the closest living blood line. As I haven’t seen the will to be able to confirm if NOK has been named, I’m unsure as to whether his partner has been named as NOK bit I’m assuming she hasn’t as it’s such a trivial thing and I don’t think solicitors would advise this when a will is written - however I could be wrong.

I know that NOK has no legal power and she can’t dictate to me what I post on my social media and neither can the executive of my father’s will - I own the rights to my social media accounts and as long I post within the guidelines and not violate them, I am free to post whatever I want!

I have posted on my social media account and I’ve used a photo that’s mine which I obviously own the rights to - my uncle has sent me a phone that he took so he’s given permission to use the photo that he owns the rights to so there’s no copyright infringement whatsoever.

As my father has passed only days ago, all of this nonsense from the executive and his partner has had a dramatic effect on my mental health and I’ve had to seek medical advise and ask for extra medication to get me through all of this.

The executor of a will has a duty to act in a responsible manner whilst upholding the title of executor. I feel that stating to the beneficiary and so called Next Of Kin that I’m acting illegally by posting on social media because I didn’t have NOK permission is giving out false information - he has a responsibility to check the facts before stating or advising on anything!

My question is regards grounds for removing him as executive.

He’s giving out false information and making false accusations, this clearly constitutes false misrepresentation and acting in an improper manner - can this considered grounds for him to be removed and as is sister is beneficiary, is this considered a conflict of interest?

Keep_pedalling

simple answer I’d no, unless fails to carry out his duties as executor he can’t be removed, arguments about social meads posts fall well outside the duties of an executor.

PragmaticMoneySaver

Sorry for your loss.

I'm not sure on the question of removing the executor sorry, however on the matter of the photograph… Data Protection legislation only refers to data subjects as 'living people'; the deceased's personal data (such as a photo) does not have any protection. Obviously the photographer may have copyright which is separate legislation - but if it is your photo or the one your uncle provided fro you to use then you have permission from the copyright holder.

elsien

You are grieving and his partner is grieving. And in circumstances people sometimes behave that they may not otherwise.
It is also entirely possible that she genuinely believes it’s not what your father would have once said, while you think he would’ve been okay with it. People deal with a bereavement in very different ways, and perhaps her brother (executor) is simply trying to protect her but going about it the wrong way.

this is not time to be starting family feuds or legal action which will be expensive, stressful and unsuccessful.

Concentrate on yourself and getting through things in the best way that you can for you.

Dirk2000

It’s not about an argument, it’s more the fact that he’s making a false statement saying if I posted about my father (which I have done now) that I’m acting illegally because she’s next of kin and she won’t allow it - is it not misconduct as executor because he’s incorrectly stated it’s illegal and advices this, shoutout checking facts first?

With the next of kin scenario, there’s been no written proof by way of signed letter or the will to show she’s been nominated. I know that NOK bears no legal title in uk law and it’s irrelevant to me but she’s using this as a title and thinks this give her power when infact NOK is simply another name for Point Of Contact in an emergency.

I doubt very much she will contact me again now because she accused me of having a go at her and she’s got a lot on her mind - the fact that she called me and was extremely abrupt in her tone, is what set the argument. She could’ve simply spoken to me in a civilised voice and we could’ve discussed it but didn’t,instead she went straight at me which I took for a minute or so before I retaliated and was then accused of having ago at her.

She’s the type of person that will fire off at people but doesn’t like confrontation when they respond and as such she turned it round on me saying she wasn’t having a go and that it was me starting it.

I speak to people how I expect to be spoken not and grief or not, she shouldn’t have spoke to me the way she did - my family have all said the same and that she’s always been like that.

She told me that I either go to funeral directors with het on Monday or o don’t - I told her to crack and sort it herself.

I can’t work with her because there’s no funeral plan in place and all that she keeps saying is that “I know what your dad wanted”. From my point of view, there’s no point in me going because she’s going to use “I’m next of kin and it’s my choice and I know what he wanted” and anything I say will be opposed - if you know her you’d understand what I mean.

It’s hard enough dealing with the sudden loss of my father 3 days ago but to have all this thrown at me as well has added so much more on top of it - I just wanted it sorted out without any extra hassle but it seems it’s n it going to happen

I don’t think she’ll even contact me again and when a funeral date is set, she’ll get her son to pass on details - that’s the type of person she is!

Dirk2000

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82000938#Comment_82000938

Thank you for your comment. I understand what you are saying but please rest assured this has nothing to do with grief but it will always be used as a reason.

Unless you actually know her it’s hard to describe her but those that do have said they all knew something like this would happen, as did myself!

She never wanted me in my dads life from the day she got with him. 20 odd years ago I lived away and had to move back into my dads for a short period of time.

The very first time that I walked back into his house (the house I grew up in) and said to her “hello, how you doing” her very first words to me were “I don’t know if your dads told you but my name’s on the mortgage”

We argued about a property as well - she told me where there was vacant flat for rent near his house but only a few days prior to her telling me, I’d enquired about it and it had been let. She told me it hadn’t and when I told her it had gone she argued and said it hadn’t because she knew the owners, which was a lie!

So this isn’t about grief and it’s not about her being the main beneficiary and inheriting his entire estate because I knew from day one that she use coercive control and get everything left to her - I said this over 20 years ago when she first got with him and so did my family. I don’t need his money or his house, that is irrelevant to me and my lifestyle.

This is about being bullied and controlled, telling me what I can and can’t do because she’s Next of Kin and wants to control everything! The woman is vile and all my friends and family have said the same, so grief plays no part.

What I won’t do is stand back and be bulled and controlled by her and her brother, thinking that they have a right to control everything,including me and my life!

Flugelhorn

just out of interest - have you checked who actually owns the property? also have you seen the will?

Newly_retired

I am sorry for your loss.

All I can suggest is that you allow yourself to grieve for your father and remember him in your own way. Try not to let this person 's words get to you.

You are right that NOK has no meaning (other than as emergency contact) especially now, but presumably this person had a close relationship with your father and she is grieving too.

If there were no will, you would be the benefciary as they were not married, so maybe deep down this is affecting how you feel, which is understandable. I do not have a close relationship with my step children but I am so grateful that when their father, my husband died, they treated me with respect, as I did them. We have co-operated when we needed to and got things done amicably, always the best way.

Dirk2000

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82000980#Comment_82000980

the property is in both names - so joint as he out her on the mortgage when she moved in.

I haven’t asked to see the will yet as I haven’t spoke to her since and I do t know her bothers details.However, I am aware that if I ask to see the will the executor is under no obligation to show me so then I would have to wait until probate has been granted and as such, I will be able to obtain a copy online

Cubicsrube

No-one can 'control you': if you're a beneficiary in the will you will eventually find out. And no-one can tell you what you can and cant say on your own social media about your relationship with your father, whether positive, negative or complicated.

The partner and executor may view it as bad manners for you to have publicly announced your dad's death online before they were ready to, but they can't stop you. In telling you that they could, they may just be badly informed and grieving - in which case give them some grace. Or they may be being vindictive, in which case stop letting them whip you up to this level of fruitless anger, that's what they want. Defy them by rising above it and grieving in your own way, in your own time.

Either way, nothing you've said implies there are any grounds to remove anyone as an executor.

Dirk2000

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/comment/82001038#Comment_82001038

It’s absolutely nothing to do with grief - she’s vindictive and always has been!

She feels power when she says she’s “next of kin” despite having shown no legal proof!

If she contacts me again I will wait until she mentions it and ask what proof she has and also ask for a copy of the will but I doubt they’ll give me one!

My main concern is that her brother the executor, saying it’s illegal for me to post anything online as it’s against her wishes and she says what goes as she’s (unproven) next of kin.

It’s my belief that he’s misinforming her and not checking the laws before advising her - it’s false representation and not inline with the responsibilities of an executor!

I think the best thing to do is actually discuss this with a legal representative as opposed to unqualified forum members (no offence meant)

People keep saying that it’s grief and it’s clearly not, unless you know her you can’t judge that it is - she’s not grieving at all is happy that she’s finally got her hands on everything.

We were told on Monday or Tuesday that he had a mass in his stomach which was cancer. I was told by the doctor before she arrived at the hospital.

I didn’t want to say anything informed of my dad so told her when we left. Her words were “It hasn’t come as a shock as I’ve thought it for quite a while”

Now, it’s become apparent that he had shown signs of being unwell for some time so if she though that WHY didn’t she say something to me and inform me?

She said she’d told him to go the the doctors and he told her to stop nagging so she never mentioned it ago BUT if she was that concerned that it could be cancer then she had the option to tell me which she didn’t!

If you read my previous posts,I’m not the beneficiary which I’ve stated.With regards the will, I’m not entitled to see it until after probate has been granted.

Seeing the will isn’t an issue - I’m not a beneficiary so it really bears no relevance to me other than to see IF there’s anything in it that confirms that she’s next of kin because she’s saying she is and using it like a power status and acting like it gives her legal entitlement to tell me what I can and can’t do!

If she contacts me again I will ask how she knows she’s entitled to use NOK and await her reply.

At the end of the day NOK gives her no legal power and if it’s not mentioned in his will then it’s me who’s classed as NOK as I’m the next blood relative down the blood line.

IF I’m NOK then this removes her power trip that she is and she’s telling undertakers and everyone else.

Non of this is about grief,power or not being a beneficiary - it’s about me being bullied and controlled by a vile, coercive bullly who thinks she has power and can control me based on a title she believes she holds, that actually holds no legal empowerment in uk law!