A new chapter for Kaycastle: fresh start, renovations & the quest for mortgage freedom

kaycastle

Awww thank you @South_coast thafs such a lovely way of putting it. I definitely have some plans to make some very cosy spots for reading and chilling.

I’m really really looking forward to it being just us when his at mine and cooking and eating and playing together.

It is hard though, his dad has a lot of support in the local area as we live near where he grow up, he has amazing parents etc and friends and they do a lot of hanging out while parenting.

I’m starting to get very sad and lonely about not having that and I really need to make some more local connections but it’s soo difficult finding the time or kind people.

Also you won’t believe the stigma around divorce it feels there is still, at least I couldn’t believe it, it really shocks me. I can be having a warm conversation with another parent and as soon as they find out it’s like I have the plague and their whole demeanour towards me changes. I’ve done some experiments to find out as now I’m over the initial shock I am just finding observing the behaviour very amusing and interesting

I’ve made 1 genuine non judgemental mum friend in 2 years of living here. We don’t get to see each other much as our schedules just don’t align the best but I’m very glad I’ve made 1 friend but I am so very surprised at peoples behaviour towards me. I didn’t foresee it being like this

It feels awful and it really surprised me the first time it happened, like people can’t run away from you fast enough. But as I said I just use it to amuse myself now as it’s their issue not mine, but it is just so appalling and weird.

ladysummerisle

Ah, lovely to have found you again! What you’re doing sounds all very sensible. It is a big upheaval, especially with a child. Perhaps, once things settle, you’ll get to enjoy the spare time shared custody might bring. YouTube has all sorts of how to guides so maybe DIY will be easier with that. (Used one to fix a toilet flush once and felt proud! 😂)

Good luck with the move.

ladysummerisle

Cross-posted there. Perhaps you’ll meet some like-minded and non-judgemental people when school starts. I’m not sure what the people you’ve told think. Is it they think you’ll want to drag them out drinking or predatory towards their husbands? Very odd.

kaycastle

@ladysummerisle

Thank you so much, ooh yeh definitely going to hit up YouTube for DIY, well done on fixing toilet flush! I’m so excited to have those wins.

I am definitely not ashamed to admit I am very much looking forward to my spare time as well, particularly when he starts school this September I’ll get Friday all to myself… because I moved down to 4 days to do childcare and have that time with him and I get so excited at the thought of a whole day to myself every week, I don’t even know what to do haha

My only mum friend (who is married) think it is that they think I’m going to be predatory towards their husbands which is absolutely hilarious and madness to anyone who knows me. I just want friends and I like an easy life with no drama, deciding to get a divorce is the craziest thing I’ve ever done but I’m really happy I did it.

debtfreewannabe321

You're back! Hello! And happy new house, how exciting…I can't wait to see all your plans and how your new life will unfold.

I also had that stigma when I separated from my ex. I believe every woman felt I was going to steal their husbands too, which is also ridiculous as I am nothing like that…amazing how insecure some people are. I ended up finding a good group at the school runs though, mostly divorced parents (mums and dads) and also some older mums who didn't care if I took their OH 😂 and I was once offered one because she was so annoyed with him (but he could fix a leak I had lol). Hope the move goes smoothly for you.

kaycastle

Thank you @debtfreewannabe321 I do feel excited, just been catching up on your diary last couple of days too

hehe thank you the stigma is crazy, im sorry you got it too, im looking forward to meeting school parents. But I do know I need to get out a bit more and try to meet more people

beanielou

I had that stigma 30 years ago. I really thought things had moved on. Sadly not. Their loss.

ladysummerisle

I can’t get my head around the quickly moving on assumption. I saw my GP this week and she told me her sister (from my school) was getting remarried. I had to take a moment to think as I didn’t realise she was even divorced, let alone with small kids. Where do people get the energy and inclination?! Good for her but I think I’d be more excited about time to myself!

kaycastle

@beanielou yes it really did surprise me! @ladysummerisle it is so weird, I think what I found surprising is the avoidance behaviour is the most common, thought I’d get the odd thing but that seems to be the default 😂

I try to think silver linings, is that I have an easy method for weeding out people very early 😂

Right in house news, fell off my chair at removal quotes - most wanted 1000+ to move down the road with not a lot of stuff… considering 2 years ago we moved a few hours away and twice as much stuff and that came to 1200 I didn’t quite understand. That’s with no packing too and I know from the past how quickly movers get things out and in a house. I managed to take the lowest one and got around 30% off so paid around £600 for removal.

But yeh final moving puzzle piece paid for and organised. We should exchange within the next couple weeks, just waiting for others to complete paperwork.

debtfreewannabe321

I felt the same way Kay we moved 15 miles from our last house and one removal company wanted £2000. Dismissed immediately. But lots wanted £1400+ 😱 we couldn't believe it. I wasn't fit enough to be lifting things like I used to though as I used to just hire vans and do it myself. We settled on one for around a grand and even then I thought that was a lot. They were really good though and sent two vans and six people I think? So it was done very quickly. And they helped us to pack the last things up and make sure everything was in the new place quickly - but not so quick it stresses you out and can't decide where things are going 😆.